


Disbeliever

by TheWildChild



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Boys Kissing, Confessions, Drunkenness, First Dates, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Past Abuse, Smoking, Violence, church, i have no idea what to put here for now, i'll add tags and characters every chapter i guess, mention of the past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-05-31 13:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6470965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWildChild/pseuds/TheWildChild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crossroad is a small, calm and very religious town where Lucifer grew up and where Castiel moved a few years back. <br/>Lucifer can't stand the church anymore and Castiel doesn't understand why the blond turned bad and why everyone hate him so much. He can't help but investigate even if everyone warned him about Lucifer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. People Live There

**Author's Note:**

> The plot wasn't actually my own idea, I was talking with someone who gave it to me and I'm now working on it.  
> It should be noted that English is not my first language.  
> I know Casifer is like... Almost unknown but that's my thing so deal with it.  
> There will be so much more characters later but I just add the ones I mentionned in the first chapter for now and it will be updated as well as the tags when I'll upload more chapters.  
> I think that's it, sorry, I'm tired.

It was this time of the year when the leaves were starting to fall from the trees, coloring either the sidewalk or the grass of Crossroad with shades of brown and orange. It gave this small and beautiful town a new color, it gave the fathers work in the garden and kids new things to throw at each other while playing under their mothers' supervision.

Crossroad was known for its religious population, the church in the middle of the town was always full on Sundays. It was a peaceful place where families lived, where kids were raised with faith. Of course, there were some disbelievers but it wasn't a problem, the people in this town were usually on good terms.

This town had seen its people be born, be raised and be buried in its very own ground. Sometimes before their time but with the belief they had done all they had to accomplish in their lives.

This town had seen Lucifer growing up and changing as time passed.

 

What an unusual name for a Crossroad's resident. Plus, his mother was going to the church. A lot of people disapproved her choice but she wasn't thinking about naming her son after the Devil. She was young when she had him, she didn't have a lot of money and her parents wanted her to abort but she couldn't do that. Yes, the father left but it didn't mean this kid had to suffer from it. She had faith, God would help them. She was seeing Lucifer as a blessing, a source of joy in her life, a source of light. Didn't this name mean "Light Bringer"? He would be named as she wanted him to be named, he would be named after what he was representing.

But it was a long time ago. Now, Lucifer was twenty and certainly not a believer anymore. He couldn't even face the church anymore. He'd rather drown in his resentment instead. The sky wasn't blue, the leaves on the ground weren't brown or orange, the church wasn't white; everything was dark. In his mind, the people's smiles were full of hypocrisy. The only thing he was able to see clearly was the look they were giving him. Sometimes it was pity, sometimes it was aversion. The kids didn't like him. The teens didn't like him and the adults didn't like him. At least since a few years. He was always smiling bitterly thinking how they all turned their back on him when he needed them the most. They were not so lovable anymore. He hated them. He hated this town.

 

Crossroad also had its share of families moving in. So did the Novaks a few years back. Castiel Novak, the son, the angel of the family was twelve at the time, now seventeen. He met new people, he made new friends and went to church every single Sundays. He was a brave kid, devoted to the church and his family. Moreover, he was a good student, liking school and getting new knowledges everyday. He was happy in this town, he wished he could have been born there. He admired the priest Zachariah the most and wished he could be a part of the choir one day. It did happen when he was fourteen. A boy named Gabriel stopped coming and let an empty space Castiel took in the choir. He joined his friend Alfie, whom he met at school and who was a part of it since he was twelve. The same year, his parents got divorced. He had to make his peace with the leaving of his father. He wanted to stay in this town with his friends, his family. Because like his parents were always saying, they were all brothers and sisters in God's eyes. They were all his child and had to stay strong.

 

So how could some of those child get lost? That's what he was wondering everytime he caught sight of a leather clad Lucifer, cigarette between his lips and a black eye contrasting with the blue of his eyes.


	2. Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer can't help but fight.  
> Castiel can't help but ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late in Belgium, I'm tired so I hope I saw all my mistakes. If not, feel free to point them out to help me improve my text (and maybe my English).  
> Anyway, this chapter is longer so I hope you will enjoy it. I know it's a lot of talk and all and there maybe isn't a lot of action for now but I need to write the basis (is this word correct? anyway)  
> I hope you enjoy it, I think I don't have anything to add (if not I'll edit).
> 
> EDIT (like five minutes after, it didn't last long): if you think about a tag I should add, feel free to tell me too, I suck with tags so it would be helpful to be sure what to mention.

Lucifer landed on the ground, hearing laughters around him. He looked at the guy who punched him. He seemed proud of himself, bragging to his friends about how he punished the mean boy the blond was. This one thought he let him have fun for long enough now. He slowly stood up, dizzy because of the alcohol. Once on his feet, he pulled up the sleeve of his leather jacket, leaning backwards a little with a predatory smile. Slowly and with an amused glow in his eyes, he wiped the blood on his lower lip with the back of his hand.

"You want more?" The guy asked proudly only to receive another smile as an answer. "You're pathetic..." He finally said with a smile full of lofty disdain. Lucifer took a few steps to approach the guy, still smiling and clearly drunk.

"Oh... Trust me... I know." He said before he winked at the guy. This one didn't have the time to react before Lucifer punched him right in the nose. At the same time, a sound of a cracking bone could be heard as the guy fell on the ground.

Lucifer was barely ever sober and instead of being slower when he was really drunk, he used to be particularly violent. He was fighting a lot, it was his way of letting all go. Every punches, every kicks were making him feel more and more at ease.

Everytime he was sober, he couldn't help but feel filthy hands on him, feel alone and suffocating because of the pain. Because of that, he was getting angrier as time was passing. And as a result, he was drinking even more, ready to fight with everyone. So he was playing with people, he was provoking them and he was letting them attack first. Then, he couldn't stop himself from punching the opponent until people grabbed him to make him stop.

 

☼

 

"Here you go, boys. Enjoy your meal." Ellen said as she put two plates in front of Alfie and Castiel. 

"Thank you, Ellen." Alfie said, smiling softly with this innocent smile he always had. The owner of The Roadhouse smiled back before leaving the two boys. Still smiling, Alfie made a silent prayer, closing his eyes. Then, he started to eat before he glanced at Castiel. "Cas, are you okay?" He asked.

Castiel looked at his friend, his eyes meeting Alfie's. He wasn't really talkative this day. It was Sunday evening and as usual, the boys were eating together and doing their homework at The Roadhouse. But today, Castiel seemed preoccupied and couldn't help but be distracted. Because of that, Alfie got a "mhm" that he didn't want to accept as an answer. He kept looking at his best friend. This one had his elbows on the table, his hands joined and his chin resting against them.

"Cas, seriously, what is it?" Alfie asked again. Castiel looked down, glancing at his plate and pursing his lips. He finally started to eat, knowing Alfie wouldn't give up like that. Castiel turned his head towards his friend before this one could start to bombard him with questions.

"I keep thinking about what the Reverend preached today." He almost mumbled. Gadreel, the priest, had been talking about the link between all of them. They were a big family. Castiel pursed his lips and looked down again. In the end, he wasn't that hungry. "There are things I don't get."

"Like what?" Alfie asked, raising his eyebrows before he took another bite of his meal. He was curious, his eyes weren't leaving Castiel. His faith was strong and he would try to help his friend. For that, he needed more information. He gave Castiel a soft smile when this one seemed absent again. "Cas, if you don't want to talk to me about it, maybe you can go back to the church and ask the Reverend? I can come with you if you want." He said before Castiel shook his head.

"Nah, it's okay... It's just..." He began. He sighed and leaned slowly against the back of his seat. "What happens to our lost brothers? Is nobody there to help them?" Castiel asked as he glanced at Gabriel who was wiping a table with a lollipop in his mouth. Aflie followed the way his friend's eyes took with his own, looking at the older boy.

"Is this about Gabriel?" He asked, looking at Castiel again. It wasn't but Castiel nodded anyway. He probably shouldn't lie to Alfie, God didn't like liars. But was it that bad? It wasn't even a big lie because Gabriel was lost too. He suddenly stopped singing with the choir and stopped coming to the church, his faith was gone and Castiel had never understood it. He already asked Alfie about it when he entered the choir a few years back and this one said Gabriel didn't say anything to them. "If it's about him, you know what we do for the lost ones then. We pray for them to find their way back on the right path. One day, God will answer our prayers and they will come, then they will be saved like we will be."

Castiel liked to see his friend so determined. He wasn't convinced though.

 

When they left The Roadhouse, Castiel walked Alfie to his house and he left to walk home, repeating Alfie's words in his head.

After a while, he stopped and raised his head. He had walked until he reached the church without even noticing it. He slowly climbed the steps in front of it and entered this place he was loving so much. It was empty, calm and only his steps were breaking the silence. He sat on a bench near the door, joining his hands and looking at the big cross on the wall in front of the seats.

He couldn't tell how long he stayed there in silence. He didn't react when he heard footsteps approaching him. The shadow of the priest covered him and he finally raised his head, looking at him.

"Castiel. Does your mother know you're here? It's late." Gadreel said with a soft smile. Castiel smiled back but didn't answer, his blue iris slowly going down as he was thinking.

"I have interrogations..." He almost whispered. The priest, still smiling, took place next to Castiel. "Alfie told me I could talk to you. I didn't planned to do it but... I just came here on my way back." He explained, Gadreel listening carefully to him.

"I am here to give you answers, Castiel. And if you really don't want to talk to me, you can ask our Father to give you those answers." He said. Castiel looked down. Praying was what he usually did when he was confused after Zachariah left. He had found in God a confident. But this time, he felt like it wouldn't be enough because he needed to find the answers right now. "Do you want to talk to me, Castiel?" Gadreel asked. Castiel liked him. He replaced Zachariah when this one left the town to preach somewhere else. This priest said there were a lot of people who needed to hear God's words and that he would bring those words to them. Since then, Gadreel was the official priest of the church.

"I'd like to, Reverend." Castiel said softly, feeling safe between those walls. He looked in front of him again and Gadreel waited. He was patient, he knew Castiel. He remembered the first time he met the boy when this one moved in the town. Castiel was twelve and just joined the church with his parents.

He was a devoted boy, always helping, always smiling. He was also curious but kept a lot to himself, always conscious of not annoying the others with his questions. Gadreel was always there to answer them after Zachariah left. It took the boy a while to create a bound with the priest though, Gadreel was aware that he wouldn't replace Zachariah in Castiel's heart and was fine with that. He was young but meek and calm. Somehow shy, awkward and people tended to mix up his naivety with innocence. But naive was all he really was. If you asked him a joke question, he would give you a serious answer and he wasn't that good at picking up innuendos. The thing Gadreel admired the most in the boy was his honesty. He was polite, too. A sweet dude with a strong faith.

"I was thinking about the words you spoke today." Castiel finally began. Gadreel stayed silent to let the boy explain himself. "There are some things that... I feel like it doesn't make sense. The Lord created us as his child, we are all brothers and sisters but... Why are some of those child lost? Why are they avoiding the right path?" He asked, turning his head towards the priest. This one detected something in Castiel's blue eyes. He couldn't really put a word on it. Was it desperation? He wasn't sure but it looked like his eyes were begging him to find an answer to give him.

"It depends, Castiel. Sometimes, they have never heard our Father's words. That's why we preach, to let people know about him. To let them know how wonderful his actions are. Sometimes, they don't want to listen because they are blind to his beauty. They don't see him as the freedom they want to have."

"If it is not the freedom God want to give them, is their vision of freedom bad? " Castiel asked after Gadreel's deep voice stopped.

"Well. It is not the one that will allow them to be saved so yes. This freedom is bad for them. That's why we pray everyday for them to join us." Gadreel replied. There was a minute of silence in the church. Castiel looked at his hands and Gadreel glanced at him with a compassionate look.

"Then... What about those who leave the church? They know about God, they loved him but... Why are they leaving us, their brothers?" Castiel asked, staring at Gadreel again. This one took his time, looking at the boy a moment before he turned his head to look at the cross on the wall with a sad smile.

"Things happen, Castiel. Sometimes, it's bad things and some people feel like God is giving up on them. They feel betrayed or they were tainted by sin and they leave. Again, it depends. I guess everyone can find a reason to leave the church if they want to. It means their faith isn't strong enough." Gadreel sighed.

"So why does God let those things happen?"

"Our Lord works in mysterious ways, Castiel. If people overcome those obstacles, those bad experiences will lead people to have a stronger faith. If they lose it, maybe they weren't strong enough in the beginning and that's why we pray for them." The priest answered. "But I feel like this is not what you want to hear, Castiel. Tell me more." He said softly. Castiel looked at his hands again, uncomfortable.

"Can... The Devil be influencing those people?" He finally asked, not looking at Gadreel. The priest wasn't expecting that. It suddenly seemed like he was talking with Gabriel and not Castiel anymore. Gabriel had such strong doubts and interrogations before he gave up. He wondered if Castiel had talk to Gabriel about why he left and if it leaded him to have doubts too.

"No one is really safe from the Devil, Castiel. Even the ones who come here and love our Father. That's why faith is a fragile thing and that some people are losing it over the sins, the temptation. That is why those who will be saved are the ones who keep fighting the wrong. Some might need help and that's why we're here for. To accompany them and help them. Everyone can be saved, Castiel, even the ones who left the church. For that, they need to let us help them." Gadreel said. Castiel still didn't seem satisfied.

"Could the church... Abandon one of its brothers?" He asked. This time, Gadreel seemed to see some sort of determination in his eyes. Was he finally ready to come clean and say what he was thinking about since the beginning of this conversation?

"Why would the church leave someone alone when they need help? Of course not, Castiel." Gadreel said.

"But people say-" Castiel began a little too fast and his voice broke a little. He was confident a second ago but now, it was almost like he was afraid of being judged for what he was about to say. "They say the Devil got into Lucifer... They don't talk to him and some are mean to him... I don't understand, he was coming here before, he was in the choir and... I never heard anyone praying for him." He said, whispering the last sentence before he looked down. Gadreel understood what he was afraid of. People didn't like Lucifer. Castiel was probably afraid that by trying to understand him, they would turn their back on him too. The priest pressed softly Castiel's shoulder to make him look up.

Gadreel knew Lucifer when he was in the church. He knew the young man since he was a little boy. A real sunshine with blue eyes reflecting his joy. A child loving his mother and God more than anything. Curious, smart and kind. But two years ago, it all fell apart. He became mean, he started drinking, smoking and probably did worst things than that. Nobody understood what got into him so suddenly.

"What happened-" Gadreel began before he took a few seconds to think. "Castiel, what happened with him is that not only this boy lost his strong faith but he lied and tried to make bad things happen to the church." Gadreel said. Castiel suddenly looked surprised and horrified at the same time. Why would he do such a thing? How could Castiel have not heard about that? Well, he was young at the time, it was probably adults problems. He remembered when his mother told him not to let Lucifer approach him. He never understood at the time.

"What did he tried to do?" Castiel asked and Gadreel sighed.He wasn't tired of Castiel's question but Lucifer's case was a touchy subject and he didn't know how to explain it properly.

"He intented to do the priest Zachariah wrong. He caused a great pain in his heart." He softly said. Castiel's heartbeat increased.

"Why would he do such a thing? The Reverend has always been here for us."

"And he has always been here for him too, Castiel. He had a difficult life, you know. Some say he needed attention, others say he's tainted by the Devil. Opinions diverge." Gadreel said. He paused a few seconds before he talked again. "It's not that we don't want to save him. It's that he doesn't want to be saved anymore, he said it himself. I keep hoping he would change. Sometimes, I pray for him. It's really complicated, Castiel." Gadreel explained like he could. Castiel pursed his lips, hurt that someone would act like that towards the church. He sighed, opened his mouth and closed it a second after, trying to find his words. "Castiel. I can't tell you what has been said and done. I don't want to cause you any pain. It belongs to the past. Maybe you could pray for him? But please, don't go talk to him. He can be dangerous." Gadreel concluded. Castiel looked at him again. He was sure the blond could be dangerous, he seemed to always fight because he always had bruises. Now, Castiel was smiling, somehow reassured.

"I will pray for him and the others who need faith, Reverend, that's all I can do. Thank you." He said, more confident. The Reverend smiled back and pressed his shoulder again, standing up.

"You are welcome to come talk to me at any time, Castiel, you know it. Now you should go, it's late and your mom could be worrying."

After this exchange, Castiel left the church to go home, full of confidence and hope for the lost childs.


	3. Lollipop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is sometimes exhausted by Lucifer but now, he feels like he's finding a solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about the beginning of the chapter when I was trying to sleep yesterday (but today really 'cause i'm living the thug life and i slept at 2am) but what follows is totally different from what I was thinking about. But I kinda like it so I hope you too do.
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to tell me if I should add tags or if I let some mistakes get out of my sight

"He needs to leave, that's it!" Ellen said angrily to Gabriel once she joined him behind the bar.

"Come on, Ellen, he's not doing anything... It's a bar, it's a public place, I mean-" Gabriel started to say before being interrupted.

"He's not even consuming anything! And when he does, it's alcohol at nine in the morning, Gabriel. He's annoying people by being here, I have a reputation you know. And I'm sick and tired of hearing him make smutty innuendos to Jo everytime she's here. I want you to make him leave, Gabriel, now." She said strictly. Gabriel looked down and sighed before he glanced at his best friend. Lucifer was sitting at a table not far from the door. Gabriel couldn't even tell if he was awake. He was hungover for sure, his face against the table and not moving.

When Lucifer came back a few hours before at the place the two boys were sharing, he had a fat lip, a bruise on the chin and was stinking of alcohol. His hands were also injured but it was because he had thrown punches too. He woke Gabriel up by bumping in a lot of things and throwing his shoes across the room. Then, he crashed on the couch and Gabriel woke him up after he had slept for approximately three hours. For Gabriel, he didn't deserve much more and if he wanted to sleep properly, he should have been in his bed. Annoyed, Lucifer took a shower and decided to follow his friend around. But in the end he was too tired and he decided to sit there without moving since then.

 

Gabriel got round the bar and walked towards Lucifer, uncomfortable. He stopped in front of the table and pressed softly his friend's shoulder.

"Luci, come on." He called not too loud because of his friend's headache. At least, he wasn't asleep. Lucifer slowly raised his head and Gabriel met his icy blue eyes.

"Huh?" Lucifer said, blinking way too slowly.

"Hey man, don't fall asleep here... You... You need to leave, okay? You can't stay here." Gabriel explained quickly, glancing at Ellen who was watching them, frowning at them and gritting her teeth. Lucifer didn't pay attention to her though, he kept staring at his friend.

"Why?" He articulated slowly, a look of mid-annoyance on his face.

"Dude... I'm sorry, Ellen wants you to go." Gabriel said, not capable of looking at Lucifer in the eyes. He was embarrassed to ask him to leave but he hoped Lucifer would understand.

"Why?" Lucifer repeated. "I didn't do anything." He said drily, insisting on every single word.

"I know dude... Maybe you should, though. I mean, what are you going to do now? Go to sleep all day long like you always do? You should find a job." Gabriel said with a shy smile. Lucifer wondered during a second how this conversation turned to be about him finding a job. Then, he remembered that Gabriel was always doing that lately. "I don't want to have my parents helping me with the rent all my life, man. And one day, you will have to work any-"

"Yeah, right, and who's gonna hire me? Huh?" Lucifer asked with a grin on his face, making Gabriel roll his eyes.

"Dude, don't be like that, I'm sure you can fin-"

"Whatever." Lucifer said as he stood up and sighed. Gabriel did sigh too, following his friend's actions with his eyes. This one was putting his leather jacket on his white tee-shirt, a look of annoyance visible on his face. "If you're so annoyed by working for two, I can move out. Like that, I'm not gonna bother you anymore." He mumbled quite aggressively.

"Don't be like that. You could have done something with your life if you didn't choose to be stupid enough to spend all your college money on alcohol, leather clothes and God knows what else through the years." Gabriel said, frowning. He was used to Lucifer's mood but because of the lack of sleep, he couldn't help but respond like that. However, he mumbled a "sorry" when he saw Lucifer's face. He had turned his slightly tilted head towards Gabriel, stopped frowning and was staring at him with all the seriousness he could possibly have. Gabriel hated when Lucifer was looking at anyone like that. It wasn't even anger, it wasn't disappointment or sadness but you were usually in trouble if you kept waking up the beast.

In a way, Gabriel wasn't wrong; Lucifer and his mom never had a lot of money and since she gave him birth, she was saving up for him to go to college one day. But Gabriel also knew he shouldn't mention anything that could have even the smallest link with his mother. It was a well-known fact for him that Lucifer could snap because of that.

"Look, I'm sorry. Just... Go. I'll see you tonight." Gabriel said, tired of talking this way with Lucifer.

He didn't want to argue with him, ever. Gabriel was a bit younger than Lucifer but they knew each other since forever, they couldn't even remember their first meeting because they were only babies. Their bound was strong and even though this kind of conversation happened often, Gabriel hated that. Sometimes, he was catching himself missing the old Lucifer. The one he was singing with when they were still going to the church, the one he was playing and laughing with when they were kids, and during those times he hated the one Lucifer slowly became. A lot of people didn't see him change the way Gabriel did. For most of them, he just suddenly turned bad when his mother died two years ago. But Gabriel knew it didn't happen like that. Gabriel saw him slowly fall apart during five years. Lucifer started to stop smiling as much as before. He saw that even if he tried to, he was less talkative and less happy. Gabriel always thought it was because of his mother's cancer, which was understandable. And when they were sixteen, his mother was in such a bad condition that she was forced to stay in the hospital. That's when Lucifer stopped going to the church, he wanted to take care of her. His faith was probably already damaged at that time. Gabriel knew his friend stayed in touch with the church though. When his mother died, they were eighteen and Lucifer couldn't take it anymore. No more church and no more kindness. Still, Gabirel didn't understand why Lucifer was descrediting the church and why he became so mean with everyone. They could always talk about everything but Lucifer was good to avoid that particular subject.

Gabriel finally turned around, shaking his head before he glanced at Ellen. He heard Lucifer walking towards the door as the owner gave a sad smile at her waiter before she handed him a red lollipop as a thank-you present. Gabriel rolled his eyes as he took it but Lucifer caught both their attention as well as the customers'. As he opened the door to finally leave The Roadhouse, he bumped into a young man who was coming in at the same time.

 

Castiel was about to look at the man and apologize when this one shoved him with one of his hands. Castiel fell on the ground with an audible "ouch", finally raising his head to see who he collided with. His heartbeat increased when he saw it was Lucifer. Was it fear? He didn't know.

"Watch where you're going, moron!" Lucifer said aggressively. Castiel didn't answer, shocked. He didn't want to apologize anymore, he didn't bump into him on purpose. But even if he wanted to say anything, Lucifer was already walking away, putting back his jacket properly without looking back. The young singer watched him as he was leaving before he stood up, rubbing his left elbow over his new sweater, frowning. Maybe the Reverend and his mother were right when they said he shouldn't approach him. Whatever. When he looked in front of him, he saw Ellen coming quickly towards him.

"Castiel, are you okay?" She asked as she put her hands on his shoulders. The boy was still a bit confused but finally nodded without saying anything. He saw that the few customers present in the bar were watching him and he cleared his throat.

"I'm alright." He said with a shy smile. Ellen walked with him across the room with her arm around his shoulders in a protective way until they arrived at the counter. She knew the boy since he moved in the town and had always liked him. Since he was hanging out a lot in The Roadhouse, she became close to him.

"You okay, kiddo?" Gabriel asked with a frustrated look. He would have punched his best friend for what he did.

"Yeah..." Castiel said, not liking that everyone was focused on him. "I'm fine, really." He said again. The customers were slowly starting to eat and talk again as Ellen looked at the boy, a hand on his left shoulder. Castiel sat on a stool in front of the bar.

"What an ass sometimes..." Gabriel mumbled, shaking his head as he looked at Castiel.

"Sometimes?" Ellen rised up. Gabriel glanced at her, instantly insulting himself in his head for saying that out loud. "That's exactly why I don't want him around here!" She said, angry. Gabriel looked down and Castiel took the hand on his shoulder between his two palms.

"It's okay Ellen, really. I am fine, I should have been careful." He said with a soft smile, trying to calm her down. He didn't want to be the cause of any fuss. Instead, Ellen seemed even more angry.

"No you shouldn't have, it's his fault! If he wasn't that rude and violent, it wouldn't have happened!" She said. A customer called her and she looked at Castiel one last time.

"I am fine." He said again with an honest smile before she could ask once again how he was doing. She smiled back, slowly pressed his left cheek with her free hand and let the two boys together. Castiel couldn't help but sighed as he turned his body in front of the counter.

"I'm sorry, kiddo, the guy can be a prick." He said, not sure if he sould try and find any excuses for his friend. Castiel laughed and glanced at Gabriel.

"I got that but you guys shouldn't worry that much, it's not like he punched me right in the face or something." He said. He had been surprised and somehow disturbed by what happened but he thought they were maybe overreacting. He wasn't hurt, just confused.

"Well, you know, when it comes to Lucifer, everyone is always overreacting." Gabriel said. Castiel didn't know his interlocutor that well, for him he was the waiter of The Roadhouse and a former choir singer who lost his faith. He never had a real conversation with him, only Alfie had this chance since he was in the choir two years before Castiel did enter it. Gabriel was sometimes the one taking his order when he was coming there to eat with his best friend but that was about it.

Castiel wanted to ask about Lucifer but he didn't want to be seen as weird or something. He didn't even know why he would be seen like that, he just knew he would. Before he said anything else, Gabriel handed him the lollipop Ellen gave to him a few minutes before. It was still wrapped. Castiel suddenly smiled and accepted the candy, taking it between his fingers.

"Thanks!" He said, biting his lower lip. Gabriel smiled as he leaned on his arms against the counter. He watched Castiel unwrap the lollipop to start eating it, still smiling. He looked like a child; rubbing his elbow a minute before and now eating a candy with a big smile like nothing ever happened.

"So. Castiel, right?" Gabriel asked. Castiel gave him a curious look. Gabriel smirked, watching the young man. "You're here a lot with Alfie." He said before Castiel nodded, removing the lollipop from his mouth.

"Yes, I like this place. Plus, it's near my home, the school and the church." Castiel explained and Gabriel nodded slowly.

"Right, you're in the choir... You entered it when I left, didn't you?" Gabriel asked, staring at Castiel who nodded again. He seemed in a really good mood even with what had happened.

"Yeah, that's right." He said before licking the lollipop, watching it. He took his time before he looked at Gabriel again. "Why did you left?" He asked, tilting his head on the right side. Gabriel was a little taken aback by the sudden question but he ended up smiling.

"I was tired of praying a god who let so much bad things happen to good people." He said. Was that it? Castiel didn't ask but kept staring at him. Maybe he wouldn't have react this way if he didn't have the conversation he had with Gadreel the day before. So, he smiled.

"I understand." He said calmly.

"Do you, really? I know some things about you, I know how devoted you are." Gabriel said, somehow amused. Castiel seemed sweet and nice, he wanted to know more about him.

"Yesterday I would have harldy comprehend why you would lose your faith but the Reverend helped me understand. We pray for you, you know." He said, surprising Gabriel. He didn't know why they would pray for him since he decided to leave but he couldn't ask anything because Castiel kept speaking. He seemed passionate about the things he could learn at the church. He really was, actually. "God will save the ones who deserve to be saved, even if he loves everyone the same. I'm sure you deserve it. I'm sure Lucifer does too. You guys just don't know it yet." Castiel said. Gabriel looked around him before he leaned forward to be closer to Castiel.

"Why would you think such a thing?" He asked. He was almost whispering as if he was afraid other people could hear. Castiel kept the lollipop in his mouth during a few seconds, staring at Gabriel's eyes with the stick between his fingers. Finally, he removed it from his mouth and tilted his head again.

"Because I'm sure you will find your way again." Castiel replied with a serious look on his face. He was really believing it but the thing was that Gabriel wasn't talking about that.

"Not that, silly. Why would you think Lucifer deserves it?" He whispered. Castiel frowned but still didn't lower his tone.

"Why would his friend not think it? I mean, you are his friend, aren't you? I already saw you hang out with him."

"Best friend, actually. Almost brother, you could even say. Can you speak like... lower?"

"You don't think he deserves to be saved?" Castiel asked again, speaking as loud as before. Gabriel facepalmed softly. He kept his hand against his face during a few seconds before he looked at Castiel again.

"Seriously, man. You shouldn't speak that loud about Lucifer here. Nobody likes him. And... It's not that I don't think he deserves it, I don't think anything because I can't believe anymore. But nobody does think that so why would you?" Gabriel explained.

"I just do." Castiel said, still speaking with the same tone. He stared at Gabriel during a few seconds before he shrugged and put the lollipop back into his mouth. Gabriel frowned. The boy he had in front of him was a curious thing, really. They stayed in silence during at least three full minutes, Gabriel observing the singer and this one looking curiously around him when he wasn't looking at the lollipop. He had something pure in him, untouched. He felt like he was in front of a younger version of Lucifer, when this one had this smile that could weaken the coldest heart. Gabriel couldn't tell if it was the boy's faith or his naivety but he was intrigued. He smirked.

"Hey." He said to capture Castiel's attention again. "Wanna meet him?"

 

The sound of the red lollipop breaking between Castiel's teeth could only be heard by the two boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought they would really, but like really meet during this chapter but it seems like it's gonna be for the next one. They did interact here though. 
> 
> Not a really interesting point but I noticed that I really do enjoy writing Gabriel, he's a fun character to work with.
> 
> I tried to clear some areas in Lucifer's past but it's so not the important part guys, I just want you to know that because I'm a dick.


	4. The New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is about to spend the evening at Gabriel and Lucifer's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so first of all, Mark Pellegrino, my idol, liked my birthday tweet for him so my life is complete. 
> 
> And I don't really know about this chapter, I mean... I don't know if it's good or if it's bad. I already have an idea for the next one and there will be more action but for now I have mixed feelings about it. So tell me what you think of it.

"What?" Alfie almost shouted, making some people glance at him. The young man and Castiel where in front of a bookcase full of horror books. Alfie didn't like to read this type of books but they were there for Castiel. This one was crouching in front of the furniture, adding two books to the ones he was already going to buy. He loved reading, he already had so much books but he kept buying new ones. However, Alfie wasn't focused on that for now. Castiel only glanced at him when he reacted in such a loud way to what he just announced but he was already reading the synopsis of another book and seemed very calm. "Cas, did you even hear yourself?" Alfie asked, still shocked. His friend nodded slowly and spoke only when he was done reading. He stood up with the five books he wanted to buy and looked at his friend.

"Of course I did hear what I said." Castiel replied, staring at Alfie during a moment before he turned around to walk towards the checkout. He placed the books in a pile on the counter to let the cashier scan them. Then, he turned towards his friend, resting an elbow against the counter. "But I don't really see where the problem is."

"Oh really?" Alfie said with a sarcastic laughter, crossing his arms against his chest. "Well, let me tell you where it is, Castiel." He said before he hesitated. "Outside." He added, looking annoyed. Castiel stared at him during a few seconds before he looked at the books. He finally took his wallet to pay in cash before he took the pile of books in his hands. He still hadn't answer Alfie and this one knew it was better to talk about that when they would be only the two of them. Castiel let his friend open the door for him and once outside, they both felt a shiver running down their back because of the chilly weather. "You are going to disobey, Cas. Your mom told you not to meet him." Actually, Gadreel asked him not to meet Lucifer too but he didn't talk to Alfie about the conversation he had with the priest. Maybe it was the time to do it, it had been two days and now he had to justify himself.

"Look, I'm doing the right thing." He began to say, walking with the pile of books in his hands, smiling to everyone crossing their path. Alfie was uncomfortable and shook his head. He couldn't understand his friend but he was going to let him talk. "I know my mom doesn't want me to talk to him-"

"Even approach him, Castiel!" Alfie added, walking past Castiel to stop in front of him. He put his hands on his friend's arms. "Come on Cas, the guy is crazy! Kevin was at The Roadhouse yesterday and he told me what happened. And now you're telling me that you want to hang out with the guy?" He asked. Did his friend lose his mind too? He saw Castiel making a face.

That was the only problem he had with the town, everyone always knew everything. When something was happening, you could be sure everyone would know it the next day. He remembered when his mom told him not to go near Lucifer. She had been on the phone a lot before, actually, the whole town had been really weird during an entire week but they knew what they were doing. If you didn't live there, you would never think something was going on. But Castiel could see the tension, he felt it during days. People were whispering and there was this weird atmosphere in the church. Then, a week after it began, his mom forbid him to even think about talking to Lucifer. He listened, like he was always doing. He didn't question any of her words and erased Lucifer from his mind. He was seeing him from afar sometimes but he never really mind until now. Until he learned they were a family and that they had to help each other.

"Actually, Alfie, he is not crazy. He is lost." Castiel said, still very calm. He didn't try to walk again, he was patiently waiting for his friend to come back by his side even though this one didn't seem ready to do anything about that.

"Is this about what the Reverend said again, Castiel?"

"Yes, it is, Alfie." Castiel said, looking at his friend in the eyes. He still couldn't comprehend why everyone acted like that when it came to Lucifer. Alfie didn't know what happened either, he was the same age as Castiel so no one told him. But while Castiel questioned everything a few days before, Alfie never did and would apparently never do it. Castiel didn't think it was because of his Faith this time, more because it was some sort of conditioning. The boy was used to listen to everything and to act as he was asked to. That was something Castiel couldn't do but that he respected in his friend. Sometimes, he wished he could be like that. Things would be easier. But he was thinking way too much. He still couldn't decide if it was a good thing or not.

"But you said it was about Gabriel! That's why I gave you an advice!"

"And I followed your advice, Alfie."

"You're following it by meeting Lucifer?" Alfie said, his fingers thightening around Castiel's arms as he spoke. His friend laughed gently and shook his head.

"Of course not. I went to talk with the Reverend." Castiel said with a little smile. "After I walked you home, I finally decided that you were right. So I spoke with him and I got my answers." He explained. Alfie couldn't believe him. Castiel felt his arms being freed from his friend's grip and he finally moved a little on the side to keep walking. Alfie followed him directly.

"Are you only going to tell me that?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"Do you want more information?" Castiel asked, glancing at his friend. Of course, Alfie wanted to know more. He knew his friend was serious and that he really didn't consider talking more if he didn't ask more questions but still.

"Duh!" Alfie couldn't help but say. He received another glance from Castiel and he gave him a small smile in return. "I mean, I guess the Reverend didn't sent you directly to Lucifer."

"Of course not. He shares my mom's opinion." Castiel said. Alfie wanted to point out that everyone was thinking the same but he refrained himself to not interrupt him again. Instead, he kept listening. "However, he told me that every lost child could be saved. That's why they keep praying for Gabriel to come back. They know he can find his way back."

"Dude, nobody's praying for Lucifer, we all know he's damned." Alfie said, rolling his eyes. Castiel stopped, looking at his friend as he frowned.

"Alfie. Since when do you think someone is damned?" Castiel asked, suddenly preoccupied by his friend.

"My parents told me he was." He answered with a serious look on his face. "Everyone say he is. It must mean something, don't you think?" he asked. Castiel shook his head.

"The Reverend told me I could pray for Lucifer if I wanted to. Don't you think that he would have said it wasn't worth the effort if he was damned?" Castiel said. Alfie wanted to say that the priest probably said that to avoid hurting Castiel but he knew that Gadreel was not like that. If Lucifer was truly damned, he would have told Castiel so. Alfie shrugged.

"Then why don't you just pray for him?" He asked.

"I do. But now I have the occasion to meet him so I will. Come on, Alfie, relax. I'm not going to be alone. Gabriel will be there." Castiel said, rolling his eyes and walking again. Actually, he had no idea of what was going to happen.

"Yeah, Gabriel. He left the church too and he's friend with Lucifer. They are bad influence, Castiel, and I'm sure you know it." He said, walking by his side, annoyed.

"Alfie, how can you say all these things? You were with them in the choir during two years. They weren't that bad, were they?" Castiel asked. He realized he never asked Alfie how they were at that time, even during their conversation two days before. Alfie knew that Lucifer and Gabriel were really close because he had been in contact with them during those two years. But since they left, he adopted the same behavior as the others towards them. He prayed for Gabriel and ignored Lucifer's existence. But yeah, he knew they were good people when they were still going to the church, even if Lucifer was way more withdrawn than Gabriel had ever been. Instead of replying to Castiel, he stopped talking and walked with him until they arrived at his place.

If Lucifer didn't have a lot of money, it was quite the opposite for Castiel. He wasn't that rich but he really didn't have to complain. He had a big house and he and his mom could afford to live there and buy what they needed or wanted. Alfie was going to sleep at his place and the next day, Castiel would finally meet Lucifer. He didn't know he was anxious until he went to bed. He couldn't sleep. With Alfie, they talked until the youngest fell asleep and Castiel stayed awake most of the night, contemplating his ceiling.

 

☼

   
"Are you coming back home straight after school, Castiel? You look tired." His mother said as the boy was putting his bowl in the dishwasher. Castiel shook his head, yawned and looked at his mom.

"Nah, I'm probably going to stop by The Roadhouse." He said, slitghly smiling. Alfie was looking at him, still sitting at the table. Well, Castiel wasn't lying, he was going to The Roadhouse after school, that's where Gabriel wanted him to come since he was working that day.

"I want you to tell me when you're coming home, okay sweetie?" She asked and Castiel nodded.

"As always, mom." He said, still smiling.

"And you, Alfie, are you going there too?"

"I don't think so. I promised my father I would help him at the church so I don't want to go too late." He replied, still staring at Castiel. His mom looked at the both of them in silence before she approached her son. She kissed his forehead and wished the boys a good day as she ran her fingers through her son's hair. Castiel made a face and directly tried to style his hair properly again.

 

"So, The Roadhouse, huh?" Alfie asked once Castiel mother had left the house.

"Yeah. I will wait until Gabriel is done and then we will go to his place." Castiel said. He seemed really chilled when in reality, he still had this heavy and warm sensation crushing his stomach. He glanced at Alfie who seemed really disrupted by all of this. "Alfie, come on, it's gonna be fine. Look, I'll call you as soon as I leave, alright?"

It took half a minute of staring at Castiel for Alfie to mumble "alright" as an answer.

"Good." Castiel said, ready to leave his home.

 

☼ 

  
The Roadhouse was almost empty when he walked in. Ellen greeted him and he went to sit at a table to start his homework. Gabriel approached him with a lollipop in his mouth, smiling.

"Kiddo, you made it!" He said. He seemed quite happy with this fact. Castiel didn't mind the way Gabriel was calling him, he actually wasn't bothered by a lot of things. He nodded and Gabriel looked at what he was doing. "I see you've got a distraction. Good. I'll be done in an hour." He informed the boy and didn't even wait for an answer, he left Castiel alone to avoid a lecture from Ellen.

 

When Gabriel came back at the table, Castiel was reading one of his new book.

"I'm done. Let's leave before Ellen gets the chance to give me more work." He said, taking Castiel's bag. This one laughed and stood up, saying goodbye to Ellen. She was sceptical when she saw that Castiel was leaving with Gabriel. Where were they going? She hoped he was just walking him home or something like that because she knew that Gabriel was way too close to Lucifer. She didn't say anything though, she waved at the young boy, smiling back at him as they left. Gabriel glanced at Castiel, giving him his bag back. "You're not really talkative today." He started. "Is it 'cause I didn't give you any candy?" He asked with a smile. Castiel laughed and shook his head.

"Nah, I didn't get a lot of sleep but I'm fine." He explained. He could feel Gabriel's eyes on him but didn't glanced back and didn't say anything else. The last couple of days had been a train wreck for him. All those questions he had, the meeting with a man his mother and the Reverend asked him not to approach. Plus, he hid some truths twice. He was somehow overwhelmed by his own actions. Maybe it wasn't a good decision, in the end. He glanced at Gabriel who was walking by his side, hands in his pockets.

"Should I... Like... Know something in particular?" He asked shyly.

"I guess you don't want to be attacked again but don't worry." Gabriel said with a big smile as he looked at Castiel. It gave him hope until Gabriel spoke again. "He's gonna be an asshole anyway." He said before he laughed loudly.

 

They weren't living in a really good place, it was an old building that probably should be renoved at some point. They climbed up the stairs until the second floor and they walked in the dark hallway. They could hear AC/DC being blast in one of the apartement. Castiel was new to such an odd environment. He wondered if he should send a message to his mother to tell her he would probably come home later than expected? Or maybe he should text Alfie with the address. If he was murdered during the evening, his friend would know where they could find his body. He closed his eyes and shook his head a little as Gabriel opened the door.

The music was suddenly louder and Gabriel sighed as he entered, followed by Castiel. The older one closed the door by slamming it and he then helped Castiel removing his backpack to place it near the door for when he would leave. The music's sound slowly became lower, what Gabriel wanted to happen by slamming the door. As the two young men walked to enter the main room that was used as a kitchen and a living room, Lucifer got out of his bedroom. He seemed... Excited? Castiel couldn't really put a word on Lucifer's emotions yet, he didn't know him enough to say what his face was expressing. The blond was wearing what seemed to be an old jean ripped near the left knee and a black t-shirt. His short hair were scruffy, it was a mess on his head.

"Dude, did you bring beers from wor-" He began to say but stopped at his door, frowning. "I didn't know we had a guest." He said, staring at Castiel. This one was staring right back at him, examining his eyes. Lucifer didn't like that and looked at Gabriel instead, waiting for an explanation.

"Yeah, you should shove people more often, it helps me make new friends!" Gabriel said with a smile. Lucifer raised one of his eyebrows, looking at Castiel again like he didn't understand. But he did, he recognized his face as soon as he saw it. Probably because when he pushed him, he was sober. For once. "And I don't have your beers. If you want some, you go buy them yourself with your own money, pal." Gabriel kept going with the same smile as before. He actually thought about the beers before he left the bar but Ellen didn't want him to take them anymore, knowing it was for the blond.

"You kiddin'?" He asked Gabriel, letting Castiel out of his sight during a second. But he looked at him again after. "What you lookin' at?" He mumbled, frowning again. Gabriel glanced at Castiel and at Lucifer right after.

"Don't be like that, Luci'. He's a guest, behave." He said, amused.

"You look better without leather on." Castiel said in all seriousness. The two other boys turned their head towards him but Castiel kept staring at Lucifer's pale face. After a short moment, the blond mumbled a "whatever" before he turned around.

"Where you goin'? Come back here Luci', you'll stay with Castiel and I'm gonna go buy the pizzas."

"Yeah, right." Lucifer replied as soon as Gabriel stopped speaking.

"I'll buy you beers." Gabriel said, giving Castiel a slight nudge.

"Fine." Lucifer answered, turning around again to come back in the room. Castiel tried not to laugh and felt Gabriel's hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry if he's mean, kiddo, you're allowed to act the same with him if you want to." Gabriel said. Lucifer rolled his eyes and went to sit on the couch, taking his packet of cigarettes. His best friend knew Castiel wouldn't be mean to him whatever Lucifer could do. Even if he didn't knew Castiel that well yet, he was aware that the boy wouldn't do it if it wasn't useful.

 

He then left Castiel alone with Lucifer.

Good.

It's not like Castiel was already anxious or anything.

 

Lucifer was sitting on the couch in a comfortable way when he looked at Castiel.

"You're gonna stay there all night long?" He asked. He wasn't as cold as before but Castiel could hear he was a bit aggressive when he was talking to him. Castiel walked towards the couch and sat on the edge as he shrugged before he removed his jacket to put it on the armrest. "You're not really talkative, are you?" Lucifer said as he sat up straight, still staring at Castiel. This one turned his head towards him to see that Lucifer was handing him the packet of cigarettes. Castiel frowned and shook is head.

"I don't touch that." He said and Lucifer smirked.

"Shocking." The blond said. Castiel was aware of his mocking tone.

"And you shouldn't touch that either. You will end up with a cancer and you will die of a long and painful death." Castiel said very seriously. Lucifer slowly turned his head towards Castiel again before he laughed.

"The sooner the better. I'm not afraid of dying anyway." He said before he puffed on his cigarette, closing his eyes. Castiel was looking at his every move with narrowed eyes. Lucifer kept the cigarette between his fingers and removed it from his mouth. He raised his head a little, his eyes still closed before he breathed out the smoke with his nose.

"Everyone is." Castiel whispered, looking down. Lucifer opened his blue eyes, looking at the ceiling as he sighed. Then, he turned his head a little but enough to see Castiel.

"Nah, you are a brave little soldier. You're gonna be saved with the others who are going in the monument of the greater good. So why would you be afraid?" Lucifer said, mocking again. Castiel looked towards him and smiled sadly. He wasn't thinking that he should feel safe because he knew he was going to be saved one day. Their eyes met during a few seconds and Lucifer was certain he could see something in them, he couldn't tell what feeling it was though. Was it actual fear? He narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth slightly but Castiel turned his head and stood up. The young man walked across the small living room to approach a chest of drawers on the top of which was a picture in a frame.

Castiel recognized a young Lucifer thanks to his eyes and his hair. If it wasn't for that, it would have been difficult. The boy from the picture was filled with joy while the one in the apartement looked tired and you could read it on his face, in his eyes. But Castiel couldn't tell the reason. Maybe he was tired of life, with what he said a minute before. Plus, he had such a big smile on the picture. He had his left arm around a brown-haired boy, a bit smaller and with eyes reminding him of a glass of whiskey. Definitely Gabriel but his hair were much shorter. He was smiling too. Castiel thought he could discerned wrecks behind the two boys. Were they at Bobby's place? The boy frowned and narrowed his eyes. It was unlikely but then again, how could he know,he wasn't even living in the town at that time. He took the frame between his fingers and approached it near his eyes to try and read the writing at the bottom of the picture. He thought he could read "2006". So they should have been approximately ten at the time. He smiled a little, still looking at the picture that he put back on the furniture. They were cute.

When he turned around, his heart skipped at least a few beats and he thought he was close to the heart attack. Lucifer was really close to him and he couldn't tell since when the guy was behind him. He had a severe look on his face and Castiel wondered how to interpret his actions. He stopped breathing without realizing it when Lucifer moved his arm. He thought he was going to push him again or something but instead, when he turned slowly his head on the side, he saw that Lucifer was moving the picture a few inches.

"Don't move my stuff..." He almost whispered. They were very close and Castiel raised slowly his head towards Lucifer's. Their eyes met and they stayed in silence during a few seconds.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Castiel said more calmly than Lucifer expected him to be. And he didn't expect him to apologize either. His severe gaze let appear an ounce of curiosity.

"Just... Don't touch anything. It's not your place. So behave." He said. Castiel swallowed. When Gabriel said it to Lucifer, it was almost funny. Coming from Lucifer, it was almost scary.

"Yeah, sure. Okay." Castiel said. They were still very close and looking at each other. The singer cleared his throat and ended up moving on the side to walk past Lucifer and reach the table. He prefered to sit there. In the couch, he could be too close to him and he wasn't sure he liked that yet. The stress made his body heat increase and he almost couldn't keep a straight face when Lucifer was acting like that. The only times he had been close to the blond, he had been pushed and now scared. If the man saw Castiel was somehow afraid something could happen to him, he was pretty sure Lucifer would use this knowledge. That was weird. But what annoyed him the most wasn't his heartbeat's speed but the fact that he couldn't comprehend Lucifer's behavior. He was mean without needing to act this way and he had a very strong presence. He was a really intense guy. He thought they would keep talking, even if the conversation wasn't really a happy one and instead, the guy had been creepy.

At the same time, Castiel couldn't help but find him really interresting. What drove him to act this way was a question that was almost obsessing by now.

His gaze slowly went on Lucifer when this one took a seat at the table too. They were at each end of the table, in front of each other, like neither of them wanted to be too close now. Castiel looked away not to seem too interested by the man but he could feel Lucifer's eyes on him. He didn't know if his look was scornful because he avoided to look back, instead he looked at their possessions. Clearly, they didn't seem to have a lot of money. Gabriel was working at The Roadhouse but he mentionned that Lucifer didn't have any job, that he changed his mind about college and that now he wasn't doing anything.

"So, why would Gabriel make you come here?" Lucifer asked, still staring at the boy. Interrupted in his thoughts, Castiel turned his head towards Lucifer and shrugged with a little smile. Lucifer's eyes went down on his smile then met Castiel's eyes again.

"We met after you assaulted me and I guess he likes me." Castiel said. Lucifer rolled his eyes, mumbling "I didn't assault you you stupid fuck" and it made Castiel laugh gently. Lucifer looked away because of that, shaking his head in exasperation. He didn't like that Castiel still didn't want to leave. He was trying to be unpleasant but it didn't seem to be enough. He frowned and looked at Castiel.

"Look. I don't think Gabe is stupid. He knows how people will act if they know you spend time here. Clearly, he didn't care for himself but he does for others so either you're stupid and you want him to have problems, either he is in fact stupid and he wants you to have problems. In both cases, one of you lose. And is stupid." Lucifer said. Castiel didn't hear a particular change in the man's tone but he could tell he was carring for his friend. He didn't know if he really cared about Castiel having problems though, the guy probably didn't. Castiel kept on smiling and shrugged again.

"You didn't talk about the third case. In this one, we all win, you included." He said. Lucifer frowned, the boy seemed happy with what he was saying. "Maybe you are the big bad boy here with a bad influence and all, even though I don't really believe in that. But even if you are, I am a good influence. So maybe it will work the other way around." Lucifer didn't know what was most heartbreaking; the fact that Castiel seemed to really believe in what he was saying or the fact that he knew he would end up fucked up if he stayed there. "And I'm sure none of us is stupid. Gabriel is smart. He told me you are too." Castiel said, trying to be kind with Lucifer with the hope he would be too. At least, he made him laugh. The blond had raised his head a little as he laughed before he looked at Castiel again with an amused smile. His eyes were a bit narrowed and were reflecting his amusement. Castiel didn't understand what was funny though, it was like a private joke that only Lucifer was able to understand. He opened his mouth to talk when they heard the door. Castiel automatically stood up to go help Gabriel with what he had in his hands but Lucifer didn't move. He had this neutral expression again and didn't care to help. He stood up to take a beer and his pizza before he looked at Castiel.

"You don't touch my beers." He said.

"I don't drink alcohol." Castiel replied, tilting his head. Again, Lucifer used a mocking tone when he mumbled a "no shit" and the minute after, his bedroom door was closed and the music's sound became louder.

"So, kiddo, how did it go?" Gabriel asked Castiel, curious. He had hoped it would have go well enough for Lucifer to stay with them but his behavior wasn't surprising either.

"Well, I guess? I don't really know, he's... I don't know." Castiel repeated with a shy smile as he sat down. Gabriel took him a soda and took a beer for himself before he sat next to the boy.

"I told you, he's a real phenomenon." He said with a smile.

"Gabriel... Why did you want me to meet him?" Castiel asked as he glanced at his pizza and started to eat it.

"I like you. And I'm sure he will like you too one day, he just doesn't want anyone else than me around him for now." He said and Castiel thought Gabriel looked proud of that fact. Maybe he was wrong, he didn't know.

"You're going to have problems because of me." Castiel almost whispered. He seemed uneasy.

"Did Lucifer tell you that? Don't worry, he always has problems and the people in this town don't really hate me." Gabriel tried to reassure the boy.

"Do you know why they hate him so mcuh, Gabriel?" Castiel asked, glancing at Lucifer's door. Gabriel shrugged and looked at the door too.

"Who knows besides them?" He conclued, pursing his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Like I said, I don't know about the quality of this chapter but I needed to... Lay the foundations for the following, if I can say it like that, don't know if it's correct though
> 
> So I already know some elements that will happen in the next chapter and it will be more interesting I think, we will probably know more about Luci's past  
> Don't know if I will add a flashback in the chapter 5 or if it will be the 6 though


	5. Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter listening to 'Till It's Gone and Tennessee Love by Yelawolf. I feel like it's some good songs for this story (maybe because I already know everything but I'm telling you, if it had to have theme songs or something, it would be those ones)
> 
>  
> 
> !!! I'm sorry if there are mistakes, I have to go but I wanted to post the chapter before. I'll read it again when I will be back home to edit it if I need to!!!
> 
> Enjoy. :)

"Yeah, really." Castiel laughed. Alfie was at the other end of the line because Castiel promised to call him as soon as he was leaving Lucifer's place. He had texted his mom to tell her he was on his way and he was walking on the sidewalk, on the phone since a few minutes. He had told that everything was fine, that he had the occasion to have a simple conversation with the guy but that he didn't cross the line. "He wasn't... Kind but he didn't stab me so in a way, it was cool." Castiel said without noticing he was smiling since he had left the place. He kept going as he arrived in his street. "I mostly spent my time with Gabriel anyway, we ate pizzas, he showed me his room and we watched a movie before we talked during a while. [...] Yeah, the guy tell the best jokes. He's really funny." Castiel said. Alfie couldn't stop asking questions, he was wondering if Gabriel had changed too since he left the church but apparently, he was the same funny kid he has always been. Castiel's friend was now reassured but really curious too and the older one could hear it. "He didn't even eat with us, he went back in his room." He said, taking his keys in his jacket to open the door. He tried to not make a lot of noise, it was really late now that he had to walk to his house. He closed the door and removed his shoes before he climbed up the stairs. "Alfie!" He said, whispering to not wake his mother up. He closed his bedroom door and let his bag on the floor. "Of course they didn't give me alcohol, what do you think? Gabriel didn't even offered some, he gave me soda." He said before he yawned, noticing he was actually really tired. Now, the anxiety was gone and he had a really good time, he could have a great night. He sat on the edge of his bed, listening to Alfie's question. "I don't know if I will. Gabriel and I exchanged our numbers and he said we should hang out more often though and I'd like to." He explained with a big smile. He had this warm feeling in him, it was joy mixed with excitement and he could feel it the more he was talking to Alfie. "Look, you're going to let me sleep and we will talk about that tomorrow, it'll be easier, can you wait until there?" He asked. He heard Alfie mumbling "of course, it's not like I really want to know anyway" and Castiel laughed before wishing his friend a good night.

Alfie was totally dying to know.

* * *

  
_Half an hour before_

* * *

  
It was silent in the apartement since Castiel left. Gabriel had turned off the TV and was cleaning up. He had thrown away the pizza boxes and Castiel's can. Lucifer had stopped his music almost an hour before Castiel's departure but didn't get out of his room.

"Apparently, I'm smart. That's funny 'cause I thought I was stupid." Lucifer said, resting against the door frame of his bedroom, smirking with his arms crossed on his chest. Gabriel turned around with two empty bottles of beer in his hands. He smiled at his friend. Lucifer seemed tired and when he turned off the music, Gabriel thought it was to sleep. He shrugged, walking towards the kitchen.

"Castiel don't see that you are really idiot, that's all." Gabriel said. He had quickly understood that Lucifer was saying that because their guest had said it.

"Yeah but apparently, you told him I am." Lucifer said, amused. Gabriel put the bottles next to the fridge and turned around, leaning against the work surface behind him.

"Shoot, you found out what I am really thinking!" Gabriel said with a little smile. Lucifer smiled back as he looked down to think before he stared at Gabriel again. During this short moment, Gabriel could see some sadness in his friend eyes but he didn't say anything. "That's because you are, you ass. You just play dumb." He said, tilting his head to wait for Lucifer to confess. But this one didn't. Instead, he changed the subject.

"It seems like you guys had a whole lot of fun." He said.

"We did, you should have come and joined us." Gabriel replied as he crossed his arms on his chest. Lucifer shook his head, smiling. Gabriel could always see his smiles weren't real. Every single time, he could see the sadness in them, it was the same he had in his eyes.

"Nah, I would have ruined all the fun." Lucifer said. "I'm glad you found a friend, really."

"He could be yours too. He's really interesting you know. And smart. You should show him your book collection dude, he will love it." Gabriel said and Lucifer did a small movement with his hand that his friend could translate as a "forget it". Gabriel sighed and walked towards his bedroom. "You do as you wish to do dude. But he's nice so don't be too hard on him."

"It's not like I was going to talk to him again." Lucifer said, ready to enter in his bedroom.

"Yeah, don't think he's not gonna come anymore dude, like you said we had a whole lot of fun." Gabriel said before he closed the door of his own bedroom. Lucifer stopped and stayed without moving during a minute to process what his friend said. He closed his door with a little smile on his face.

Lucifer kept his fingers around the handle during a moment, still thinking about what happened this night. It wasn't much and he didn't act really well with Castiel but apparently Gabriel really liked the guy. It meant that he couldn't fuck around with him because he didn't want to annoy Gabriel. And Castiel seemed like a nice guy. Strangely, the fact he might see him again wasn't really bothering Lucifer. It's been so long since the last time he spent time with someone else than Gabriel without it ending in a fight because Lucifer only wanted that.

He sighed and turned around, removing his pants, ready to go to sleep. He went in his bed and before he turned off the light, he opened the first drawer of his night stand. He took some pictures he had in it with a sad smile when he looked at them. There were a few with Gabriel, some when they were really young and some more recent. He could himself see that he was smiling less than before. There were some pictures of him and his mother, more when he was a child. The most recent one had been taken a few weeks before her death. She was smiling but seemed really tired. Lucifer was actually the same. But he was always smiling around her. There was another one with her, in front of the church. The left side of the photo had been ripped off, he could only see the shape of an arm around his shoulders. He made a face as he saw the picture, felt a shiver in his body and he looked at the ones with different boys of the choir from when he was still in it. He sighed and let himself fall on the matress, hiding his head against his pillow. He stayed like that for a while before he put the photos back in his drawer, on his old Bible. Then, he closed the drawer and turned off his bedside lamp to fall asleep.

* * *

  
_4 years ago_

* * *

  
Lucifer was sitting on the first bench of the church. His forehead was resting on Gabriel's shoulder who was crouching in front of him and he could feel one of his hand in his hair, the other on his back. He was whispering things to Lucifer but this one couldn't hear anything, he was trying to stop his tears from rolling down his cheeks. It felt like they were burning him.

It was Sunday, Lucifer and his mom were supposed to go to the church sooner to let the boy get ready with the rest of the choir. But everything got out of hands, like it always did. The sixteen year old boy was getting ready, dressed with his white shirt and in front of the mirror. He looked at himself and tried to smile. It seemed fake, probably because it was. But he had to smile. He sighed and bent over to splash some water on his face. His mother should be awake but she was really tired lately.

He walked silently towards her room to see if she could make it to the church or not. He slowly opened the door and walked in the dark room. The curtains were closed and the only light he had was the one given by the hallway. He walked towards the bed to see his mother. She was really pale but she moved.

"Mh... Sweetie?" She asked. She sounded really weak. Lucifer give her a smile and crouched next to the bed.

"Mom... I'm ready to go but I want you to stay here today... I was just checking on you." Lucifer whispered with a soft smile. His mother smiled back and moved again.

"No sweetie, I want to hear you sing."

"So I will stay and sing for you. But you have to stay in your bed." He said with a smile. At the same time, he was hoping he could stay. He didn't want to go there and he certainly didn't want to leave her alone. His mother tried to get up to get out of the bed. She was sitting on the edge and Lucifer put his hands on her shoulders. "Mom, you can't... You need to rest, you are too tired. Come on, I can sleep next to you if you want." Lucifer said, still smiling at his mother.

"No, look at you all ready, all handsome." She said, smiling proudly at her son. She was about to talk again when she started coughing. Lucifer get closer and he felt his mother grabbing weakly his shirt. She stopped coughing and looked at her son again, smiling. "I'm fine... Oh..." She said as she looked at her son's shirt. Lucifer swallowed and looked at it too. "Why are you all dressed up?" She asked. He looked at his mom again, feeling a heat wave in his body.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to get out. He wanted to scream. But most of all, he wanted his mom back on her feet.

But he smiled. Like always, he smiled and pressed her cheek softly. He felt his chin shaking but he kept on smiling to reassure her. Or to reassure himself, he wasn't sure anymore.

"I'm going to call the doctor. You stay in your bed, I'm coming back." He almost whispered. His mother took a moment like she was thinking about the reason he was dressed like that but she finally nodded. Lucifer left the room after she mumbled something he didn't understand to take the phone and he dialed the doctor's number. He waited and he could finally speak to him. "It's... It's Lucifer." He said, looking at the hallway in the end of which was his mother's bedroom. "It's starting again." He whispered. His chin shaked again and he quickly wiped his right cheek with his sleeve.

 

Lucifer was in an hospital room where his mom was sleeping.

"I need you to be strong, Lucifer." The doctor said, pressing the boy's shoulder. He nodded. He was tired of being strong. He glanced at the doctor and gave him a smile.

"Sure. She's gonna be fine." He said before he gritted his teeth. He then glanced at his mother. She seemed peaceful when she was sleeping. The doctor left him to let him with his mom and he went to sit next to the bed, staring at her.

He then realized. He didn't go to the church. He stared at the clock. He frowned. It couldn't already be that late.

He left the hospital. He walked a long time before he finally arrived at the white church. He looked at it. Everyone was already gone. He wondered if someone had tried to call. But the phone was at his place. He couldn't have answered. He wasn't there at that time. He was in the hospital. With his mom. His mom. She was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine. He looked down. Everything was going to... He closed his eyes. He thought he heard someone calling him and he raised his head, looking at the cross in front of him. He was on a bench. When did he entered the church? He blinked. Longer than he thought. Gabriel was in front of him.

"Luci', are you okay?" Gabriel asked. Lucifer kept staring at him. What was that? "Lucifer? Hey, dude..." Gabriel said, crouching in front of him.

Right. He didn't went to the church today. But why was Gabriel there? Shouldn't he be home with his parents? His mom and his dad. His mom. His mom was at the hospital. But she was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine. Everything... A hand was on his shoulder. He glanced at it. He glanced at Gabriel. He smiled. At least, he tried. But he failed. He felt something running down his cheeks. He felt his body shaking. He felt Gabriel's hands on his cheeks. He heard his voice but he couldn't understand. It didn't make any sense. What was he saying? Gabriel's face was blurry. His eyes and his face were wet. He closed his eyes as he felt Gabriel's hands on his shoulders. Lucifer didn't remember it could be that hot in the church. His head hurt. He blinked a few times and he felt his own tongue licking his dry lips. He heard himself talk but he didn't understand what he was saying. He felt a hand in his hair and another on his back. There was a pression around him. Why was Gabriel hugging him? He had to leave, he had to go back to his place. He had to go back to his mom, she was probably worried. He was never going to the church without her. She had to be there to watch him sing, to hear him sing. He had to sing to her. To stay in bed and sing to her.

He felt a third hand on his shoulder. It pressed it and all his body was suddenly very tense against Gabriel.

"Let me talk to him, Gabriel." Zachariah said.


	6. Intruder

Lucifer left the cemetery, his left hand in the pocket of his jacket and the other holding a cigarette between his lips for him to puff on it. He was looking down as he exhaled the smoke, thinking about his life lately. Two weeks had passed since Castiel came for the first time at his place. Since, the blond happened to see Gabriel texting the boy, and he came another time. But Lucifer wasn't there, he chose to avoid him by going out to drink. He didn't know why but he didn't want to stay at his place when Castiel was there. He was glad Gabriel had fun with the guy, Lucifer knew he wasn't always a joy to be around, especially when he was drinking. Gabriel told him he wanted them to do something all together, even if it was only watching a movie but Lucifer was stubborn and he still didn't change his mind. For now, Castiel was accepted from afar. He didn't need all this friendship crap.

That's what he was trying to make himself believe when someone jostled him. He turned around, frowning, and the man did the same. They both raised their eyebrows in surprise, definitely not ready for such a meeting. If Lucifer hadn't been sober, he would have say something but there, he felt bad. At least, that's what his guts were making him believe. His brain was screaming that he was ashamed. He prefered to ignore it and he quickly hid his surprise to show a straight face again.

"Lucifer?" Gadreel said, trying to show a smile. He didn't know how to act either. "I didn't expect seeing you around here." He said. The cemetery was a street afar from the church and Gadreel hoped maybe he would have been going there. Maybe Castiel's prayers would have made him change his mind.

"Yeah, I..." Lucifer began then stopped before his eyes showed by themselves the cemetery's gate. Gadreel looked behind him and realized his blunder. He looked at Lucifer again, opening his mouth before closing it. He was searching his words.

"I'm sorry." He said. Lucifer barely shook his head as he turned his eyes away from the man, gritting his teeth. He cleared his throat and threw his cigarette butt away before he plunged his hands into the pockets of his pants. Gadreel could see how awkward he was. He took a step forward to approach Lucifer who turned his head a little bit more to not look at him as he was licking his lips. Gadreel thought he was also about to move backwards but in the end, Lucifer didn't move from his place. "How are you, Lucifer? I didn't see you in a long time." He said with a soft tone. He was trying to be kind towards the young man. He had been indignant with Lucifer's change of behavior but it didn't mean he didn't believe he could get back to normal. Everything could be forgiven by their Lord, even what Lucifer tried to do.

"Yeah, I, you know. I'm fine." Lucifer answered, trying to look chilled but still not looking at Gadreel.

"Good." Gadreel whispered. "That's good." He repeated, hoping Lucifer would look at him. "How is Gabriel do-" Gadreel began but Lucifer and him both had their attention captured by quick footsteps coming towards them. Lucifer turned his head on his left to look at the boy coming. Michael. Lucifer glanced at Gadreel who was looking at the young man.

"Reverend!" Michael said, breathless. He stopped and glanced at Lucifer, realizing who he was. He gritted his teeth and looked at Gadreel. Lucifer used the time he had to look at this boy who used to be his friend. He had a white shirt and a tie with beige pants. It was Sunday. They both probably came from the church, Gadreel was wearing a black shirt, black pants and he had his white strip under his shirt's collar. The morning service was over since at least two hours but the Reverend was always staying at the church after it. Michael probably stayed there too. Lucifer wasn't sure though. He didn't know what was going on in the church anymore. He didn't know anything about anyone anymore. "Is everything fine, Reverend?" Michael asked. Lucifer felt something heavy on his stomach. Michael wasn't looking at him but he knew he wanted to make sure Lucifer wasn't disrespectful or worse than that. Gadreel smiled at Michael.

"Of course, Michael. I was just-" He began. He was about to tell him he was simply talking with Lucifer when this one turned around to walk as far as he could from them. Gadreel sighed and looked at Michael to know why he wanted to talk to him in the first place. He had some good news for the church.

Lucifer didn't stop before he walked in his apartment. He closed the door behind him and kept his hand on the handle during a few seconds. He sighed before he removed his shoes, noticing a third pair on the floor near Gabriel's shoes. He sighed once again. Did he had to cross path with everyone he didn't want to see? He shook his head and walked in the main room. It was silent and there was no sign anyone had been there. Lucifer frowned and turned around to go back in the hallway. On his left, he silently opened Gabriel's door to see a shape in the bed. His friend was asleep and there was still no sign of Castiel. He closed the door. Gabriel had to work all night long the day before so it was normal to see him sleeping but it meant he had been awake to let Castiel entered. Did he went back to bed right after? If so, why Castiel's shoes were still there if he wasn't in the apartement? The bathroom's door in front of Gabriel's bedroom was opened so he wasn't there. Lucifer didn't understand. The only room left was his bedroom.

Shit.

Lucifer walked quickly towards the door and opened it to find Castiel with a book in his hands, sitting on the edge of the bed. The boy raised his head to look at Lucifer. This one swallowed, trying to understand what he was doing there.

 

☼

 

Castiel was in there for at least half an hour. He spent some time with Gabriel as they planned it but the guy was so tired he went back to sleep, what Castiel understood. Gabriel said he could stay, that Lucifer should be home soon if he wanted to talk to him but the waiter didn't want to tell were the blond was. Castiel respected his privacy and stayed in front of the TV for a while but he couldn't fight against his curiosity any longer and he went into Lucifer's room. He was intrigued. He opened the door to find a small room with a bed undone. It made him smile a little because the rest of the room seemed really clean and tidy, something he didn't expect for that matter. It was surprising. He closed the door behind him for an unknown reason, it just felt right to be in there with a closed door. It was a small environment that would give him a lot of information about the man. It probably wasn't right to be there but he was so curious and Lucifer seemed so interesting. He talked a bit about him with Gabriel who said he was smart, that he was reading a lot of different things, that he was supposed to be to college but that he just didn't when his mother died. Castiel could understand that he wanted a break before going but when Gabriel told him he spent all the money he had for that, he was somehow disappointed.

So he checked the room, he looked at the frame on the bedside table, near the lamp with a photo of a young and blonde woman in it. They had the same eyes. Castiel didn't touch it, remembering Lucifer didn't want him to touch anything. That was weird because he wasn't even there but again, Castiel wasn't supposed to be neither. Lucifer's mother was really pretty. Castiel noted that Lucifer looked a lot like her. He really didn't want to upset Lucifer, he mostly just looked at his possessions, going through the books and the vinyls. He didn't dare to open the bedside tables though. He was surprised to not see empty bottles of alcohol in there. He got down on his knees to see it there weren't any under the bed but the room was clean. He noticed what looked like a shoe box and he laid down to be able to reach it. When he opened it, he saw a lot of different things in it. The biggest one was a metal box though. He sat on the edge of the bed and put the shoe box next to him before he inspected the other. He frowned, wondering if he could open it. Well, he probably shouldn't have opened the other so it wouldn't make much difference. When he opened it, all he could see was money. A lot of money. Castiel wondered how the young man could have find so much of it and why he kept it there. He closed the box and he noticed a tag stuck on it on one of the side. "College". Castiel didn't know why but his heart ached. It was the money Lucifer's mom put in there for her son to have a good job. Why did he say to his best friend he spent it? Castiel couldn't understand. He put back the box at its place and looked at the rest. There were a lot of old photos. Some with his mother, some of her alone, there were a lot with Gabriel too. He smiled when he saw the two of them when they were probably around six. It seemed to be Lucifer's birthday and they were in front of a big cake with candles on it. Lucifer was blowing them with his best friend and they both had a birthday hat on their head. Castiel could see Lucifer's mother behind them, she seemed really happy. He also noticed that she seemed really young. He wondered if the man next to her was Lucifer's father or if it was Gabriel's. He didn't know where the birthday took place. But he didn't remember having ever see Lucifer's father in the town. Was he dead too? Maybe his parents were divorced too? He put back the photos in the box and looked at a necklace. He recognized it from the frame on the bedside table and understood it was his mother's. He didn't touch it. He didn't touch anything else and closed the box before he put it back at its place. He felt guilty, he already crossed the line. It wasn't like him, he didn't understand why he was so curious about the guy.

He looked up the books again before he saw one he already had. Well, actually, he had read most of the books Lucifer had. But this one was in a rare edition and he wondered how he got it. He took it and sat on the edge of the bed again, reading the synopsis he already knew by heart. That's when Lucifer walked in the room.

 

☼

 

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lucifer asked.

Castiel tilted his head. Why wasn't Lucifer's tone aggressive? Castiel didn't even know how to justify himself. Lucifer walked in and closed the door before he removed his jacket to drop it on the bed. Then, he sat down next to Castiel, to his left. This one didn't move, he was staring at Lucifer all along. The guy was really odd, Castiel had felt it as soon as he entered. They stayed in silence. Lucifer had just ask because he was surprised but he didn't chase him. He was looking in front of him, at the bookcase. He seemed tired, as always. That's when it hit the singer. He was sober. And when he was sober, he was a bit less aggressive and more in his thoughts. Castiel kept the book between his hands but let them rest on his legs. His head was turned towards Lucifer and he didn't talk either. He waited to see if Lucifer was going to talk or not. But it didn't happen. Castiel looked at the book again. He was pondering. The guy had probably a lot in his mind. He was hiding things, even from Gabriel. It was his college money and he could just say that he wasn't ready to go yet but he lied instead. He made himself look worst than he was, saying he used it to buy alcohol. What if nobody could rely to what Lucifer was showing? What if it was all appearances? But why would Lucifer want Gabriel to see him as a bad person too? The guy was complicated, broken. Castiel knew it. He could feel it everytime the blond was moving. Every single movement was weary. He was drinking, probably to forget something but what? He was aggressive and mean. He was destroying his health. But for what? Just to keep apparences? Castiel knew something else was going on. Something way more serious than anyone thought it was. It couldn't be only his mother's death. And Castiel was sure Gabriel knew something was wrong with his best friend. The guy probably didn't want to be a burden for Lucifer and probably wanted to let him cope with everything.

"You know..." Castiel began shyly. "If you need to talk about anything..." He said. He thought he sounded stupid but he kept on talking. "I know I'm not Gabriel, I'm not close to you. We talked once. And you assaulted me once. But maybe talking to someone whose not close to you can help." He said as he turned his eyes towards Lucifer. Castiel knew that sometimes, it was easier to talk with someone you didn't know that well. Maybe because you couldn't disappoint this person if this one wasn't expecting you to only be a great person. Lucifer certainly knew Gabriel would listen to him but maybe the reason he wasn't talking to him was a fear of judgment. And at the same time, it seemed pointless since the guy wasn't afraid to be seen as an asshole instead of who he truly was.

"I didn't assault you..." Lucifer mumbled, still not looking at the boy next to him. "You stupid fuck..." He whispered.

Castiel laughed gently and Lucifer smirked sadly.

"Lucifer?" Castiel said. Lucifer finally did turn his head towards the boy and stared at his lips as he kept talking. "Can I ask you something?" He said before their eyes met. Lucifer quickly broke the eye contact and looked down. After a few seconds, he glanced at Castiel again.

"Go ahead." He said.

"Did something happen to you?" Castiel said without realizing he was almost whispering. It's not like Gabriel could hear them. Even if he was awake, the door was closed and they were alone. It just added more intimacy. Castiel kept staring at Lucifer who seemed lost in his thoughts.

It was the first time someone asked him that. Nobody cared except Gabriel but he never asked that. He always thought it was because of his mother. That he was depressed. Lucifer always rejected his help so Gabriel let him deal with it, respecting the blond's decision. Lucifer didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell him. He didn't know Castiel and even if he did, he wouldn't believe him. No one did. They all turned their back on him. They all despised him. They all judged him and he became adaptable. He changed to be like the person they all thought he was. But still. He couldn't tell Castiel, even if he was the one asking that. He didn't know what was scarier between telling the truth or knowing Castiel was sure the answer was "yes, something happened to me". His heartbeat had increased and he glanced at Castiel. With his eyes, he was begging him to not dig further.

He mentally pleaded the boy to let it go.

Castiel was still staring at him. He knew before asking the question that Lucifer wouldn't answer easily. He seemed desperate. He looked sick. Castiel was trying to interpret his expression and the sudden tension around them. Something bad had happened. Castiel glanced at Lucifer's left hand when he saw it moving. The palm against his left thigh, he had gripped the fabric of his jean between his fingers. He was holding it so hard that his fingers were white. Castiel met Lucifer's eyes again and slowly moved his right hand to put it on Lucifer's. It was cold. But Castiel's skin was warm. Lucifer's heartbeat suddenly increased.

"It's okay. You don't have to answer me." He whispered. They were close now because Castiel had to lean a bit towards Lucifer to reach his hand. This time, he didn't want the blond to look away. It didn't seem like he was about to break the eye contact. Castiel could feel Lucifer's hand slowly losing its grip on his pants. "But just so you know, if you want to-"

"Thanks." Lucifer murmured. Castiel almost didn't understand what he said. He smiled and removed grudgingly his hand from Lucifer's. He appreciated the contact. Lucifer too. No one was touching him with affection. Not this way. It had been soft.

"Anytime." Castiel whispered.

There were a few seconds with no sound at all before Lucifer looked down at the book Castiel was still holding in his left hand.

"You can... Borrow it if you want." He mumbled and Castiel looked at the book. He smiled at Lucifer again.

"I already read it, I was just surprised you had this edition." Castiel explained. Lucifer frowned as he looked at his hands. He would have liked for Castiel to take it. It would have gave him an excuse to come back directly to him and not to Gabriel.

"I have other books." He then said. Castiel looked at him during a few seconds. He was about to say that he knew since they were all in front of them but he didn't say anything. Instead, he stood up and walked towards the bookcase. He put the book back at its place and searched after another one.

"Let's see what you have." He said. He heard Lucifer moving and he could feel his presence behind him. He was close, looking at the books. Lucifer's scent reached Castiel once again. A mix between the smell of cigarette and his cologne. Castiel realized he had stopped looking after a book and he tried to focus again.

"Did you read this one already? It's... Really good." Lucifer managed to say, still troubled. He took the book in the bookcase and handed it to Castiel. This one turned towards Lucifer. They were close again and he couldn't tell if Lucifer was this close on purpose or not. He looked down at the book and slowly took it. Lucifer didn't let go of it, keeping it between his left hand's fingers. Castiel had both side between his hands and he looked up to meet Lucifer's eyes.

"I didn't." He said as he shook his head a bit. Finally, Lucifer let go of the book.

"Give it back to me when you're done with it." He said calmly. Castiel nodded and looked at the book again. _Pride and Prejudice_. It was a really old edition too.

"How do you manage to find those books?" Castiel asked, looking at Lucifer again. This one smiled a little and was about to talk when a voice interrupted them.

"Are you girls going to talk all day long or are you going to watch a movie with me?" Gabriel asked at the door. Castiel turned his head to see him and offered him a smile. Gabriel glanced at Lucifer who was still looking at Castiel in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new flashback will probably be in the next chapter !
> 
> I'll have less time to write since my holidays are over but I'll write every time I have some time
> 
> Enjoy :)


	7. Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the few kudos guys, I didn't even expect that much with this rare ship, it makes me really happy. I hope you will enjoy this chapter. :)

"I don't get why you want to buy him something. It's not like the guy was really close to you." Alfie said to Castiel. This one glanced at him and rolled his eyes once again.

"You said you wanted to come search with me, Alfie. If I had known it was to complain all along, I would have come alone." Castiel answered before he sighed. "Look, Lucifer only got something from Gabriel for his birthday. I texted him because Gabe told me it was his birthday but that's all. So I'd like to give him something, it's not that complicated." Castiel said, shaking a bit his hand to tell it wasn't that big of a deal. 

"So you're telling me it's pity?" Alfie asked. Castiel sighed again. 

"Let's call it pity if you want to." He answered.

It wasn't pity, he actually wanted to see Lucifer's smile. But he wanted to see a real smile, not a smirk, not a mocking expression on his face. Just some sort of happiness, even if it had to last a few seconds. Castiel had been taken aback because he didn't know it was Lucifer's birthday two days before. He learned it because Gabriel couldn't see him that day, he said he was going out with Lucifer for the occasion. Castiel wondered what gift he gave his best friend but didn't ask to let him have a good time with Lucifer. He texted the birthday boy though. They exchanged their numbers the day they watched a movie. Lucifer didn't even want to watch it but Castiel begged him to come with them. He wasn't really into the movie but he was still spending time with them so Gabriel was happy too. Castiel was thinking a lot about that day, for that matter. It was the day something changed between the two boys, the day Lucifer accepted Castiel around. It was definitely a good day. Almost a week had passed and Castiel just learned about the birthday. So he told Alfie he couldn't directly go to The Roadhouse because he wanted to go shopping before the stores were closed. Alfie wanted to know what he had to buy and when he knew it was for Lucifer, he chose to go with his friend. Castiel didn't understand but let him come with him. They were walking in the street, searching for a gift.

"He's got an incredible book collection, I'm telling you!" Castiel said with a big smile. 

"Yeah, you're telling me that for the third time." Alfie said before he sighed. Castiel laughed, his good mood couldn't be ruined.

"But I don't know which one I could buy him. I don't know if the ones he has are the only one he has read." Castiel kept on.

"Why don't you buy him a bottle of whisky and get over it?" Alfie asked. He looked away when Castiel stopped in front of him.

"I am a good influence." Castiel replied right away before he turned around to keep walking. "I told you already that you shouldn't have come if it was to complain. You can go wait for me at The Roadhouse if you want. I need to buy the gift." He said without looking if his best friend was following him. This one was, he kept walking with Castiel and tried to keep his thoughts for him. Castiel was very sensitive when it came to Lucifer and him hanging out. Alfie realized he was mean sometimes when he was talking about him but he didn't want any problems because of the guy. He felt it was normal to disrespect him. That's all Lucifer was doing with everyone. They were all despising him, why wouldn't he? Why Castiel wouldn't? He couldn't really understand even if sometimes, he was thinking all of this was exciting.

Castiel looked across the street and stopped, putting his left hand against Alfie's chest to stop him too.

 

Alfie wasn't surprised to learn Lucifer was listening to rock music. He didn't know a lot about it but apparently it was the Devil's music. He didn't say anything to not bother Castiel. Alfie was listening to a lot of classical music, he really liked that. He was playing piano since basically always and had a grand piano in his house. He was a calm kid, rock'n'roll really wasn't what he would listen to. Like ever. He was looking at the different records without touching anything while Castiel was looking after a band Lucifer would appreciate. He had seen his collection so he knew some of the names. Some were also so famous that he couldn't not know them. He finally find an AC/DC one; _Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap._ He thought it would be good and went to buy it.

 

☼

 

Later that day, Alfie and Castiel were sitting at a table at The Roadhouse. It was almost closed, the boys had finished their meal and were talking together when Lucifer walked in the place. Castiel raised his head to look who arrived and Alfie turned his head to do the same. He became nervous, seeing Lucifer and his famous leather jacket on. His hair were messy but he was staying near the door, looking at them. Alfie glanced at Castiel. He wasn't looking at them, he was looking at him. It seemed like he wasn't about to walk towards the boys though. He actually didn't want because of Alfie. He didn't want Castiel to have any problem with his friend. Which was funny because he wouldn't have hesitated with anyone else. But again, he didn't have anyone else to talk to. 

Ellen glanced at Gabriel next to her behind the bar and he smiled at her.

"It's just a two minutes thing, Ellen, I promise. I asked him to come." Gabriel said after he removed his lollipop from his mouth.

"Alright. It's almost closed anyway." She said, still drying the glasses. Gabriel bypassed the counter and walked towards his friend.

"What are you doing dude, come." He said as he gripped Lucifer's right wrist, removing his hand from his jacket's pocket. The other stayed in its warm place and he followed Gabriel until they reached Castiel and Alfie's table. Lucifer still didn't know why Gabriel wanted him to come at the bar but he didn't ask anything. Ellen was looking at the boys from afar. She should have known that by hanging out with Gabriel, Castiel would be in touch with Lucifer. She frowned, looking at what was happening. "Look who made it here, kiddo!" Gabriel said with a big smile. He put his lollipop back in his mouth as Lucifer glanced at the boys, putting his hand back in his pocket.

"Hi, Cassie." He said with this voice that was making everything he was saying more intense. Lucifer turned his eyes towards Castiel's best friend. "Alfie." He said very calmly as a greeting. The boy was really surprised. He raised his eyebrows and mumbled something that sounded like a "Hel..Hi." as he looked down and that made Castiel laugh slightly.

"Hi, glad you could make it." Castiel said. They all knew Lucifer didn't have a lot of things to do but Castiel wanted to make sure the boy knew he was pleased to see he took the time to come.

"He always listens to me so, you know." Gabriel said, smiling proudly. Castiel laughed again and Alfie still didn't make a sound. Lucifer was very intimidating. Especially when he was standing so close. The guy was tall and it seemed like his eyes where in the darkness because of the lighting. Seeing him from where he was, Alfie was a bit uncomfortable.

"Right. So, what did you want?" Lucifer asked, glancing at Gabriel for the first time since he was in the bar. His blue eyes were almost always on Castiel. He was very calm when the boy was around. Since they had this talk in his bedroom, actually. When he was with Gabriel, he was more boisterous and when he was with almost anyone else, he was mean. But everytime Castiel was around, now, he was calm.

"You'll have to ask him." Gabriel answered, pointing at Castiel with his lollipop. Lucifer slowly turned his head towards Castiel who was smiling. 

"I've got something for ya." He said as his smile became bigger. Lucifer frowned a little, still looking at Castiel, waiting. Alfie was observing them. That's not how he was picturing Lucifer since he left the church. Castiel removed the vinyl from his bag and handed it to Lucifer. "Happy birthday." He said, looking at Lucifer. This one removed his hands from his jacket to take the record, still looking at Castiel. Gabriel directly came a bit closer to look at the gift. Alfie was staring at Lucifer's hands. He was shaking. He doubted it was because of the emotion. And it wasn't. It was because of the withdrawal of alcohol in his body. Castiel had already saw it the day they watched a movie. He wondered if he was trying to quit drinking or if he was just not drinking as much as before. In either case, he was glad to see that. It was awful to know he had a drinking problem at his age. Finally, once Lucifer had the vinyl in his hands, the boy looked down at it to see which one it was. He slowly touched it, returned it and examined it. He had a sly grin as he glanced Castiel, his head still turned towards the gift.

"Thank you." He said and Castiel smiled again. Gabriel did too, pressing his hand on Lucifer's shoulder. Lucifer glanced at his best friend and smiled back at him. Genuinely, this time. Gabriel was glad to see this smile, it disturbed Alfie. Castiel felt a good sensation in his stomach and his heartbeat increased. Lucifer had been pleased, so Castiel was happy. 

"So, Lucifer." Castiel said, tilting his head. "I've done some thinking and... You know, actually Gabriel told me you were looking for a job?" He asked, knowing the answer. Gabriel wanted him to have a job but he wasn't searching. Lucifer glanced at Gabriel who was still smiling but also curious. Lucifer looked at Castiel again. "I mean, wouldn't Bobby be able to help you with that? Maybe he would have something for you at the garage?" He explained. Castiel had thought about that when Alfie said something like "he will end like Bobby, alone with his alcohol". Alfie really liked Bobby, that wasn't the problem. He was just stating a fact, the man wasn't totally alone but he wasn't really well seen in the town because of his drinking problem. He was still a hell of a man though.

"That's very generous of you Cassie but I don't know." He articulated slowly. He didn't want Castiel to be disappointed by his words, he didn't know why. Gabriel frowned and looked at him.

"Come here." He said as he walked towards the bar. Lucifer started to follow his friend with his precious gift in his hands, still staring at Castiel before he finally turned his head towards Gabriel. Ellen was still behind the bar and Lucifer glanced at her. He made a small movement with his head to greet her.

"Good evening, Ellen." He said calmly. Ellen, already looking at him, stopped wiping the counter and blinked. She finally did the same movement with her head before she kept on cleaning. "What is it, Gabriel?" Lucifer asked, slowly turning his head towards his friend again.

"Why did you refuse? That's actually a very good idea, Luci'." Gabriel said. Lucifer shrugged.

"I don't know, Gabe."

"What don't you know? Bobby likes you, he will hire you without a doubt!" His friend said. Lucifer looked down with a little laugh.

"Right." He said before he chuckled. He looked at Gabriel again. "They all liked me. Now, look. Listen, I jus-"

"No, you listen!" Gabriel exclaimed. Castiel, Alfie and Ellen looked at the both of them. The owner was actually already listening. Gabriel cleared his throat and waited for Alfie and Castiel to talk again. "Do you think I don't see what you're doing?" Gabriel asked very seriously but almost whispering. Lucifer didn't answer, he just kept looking at his best friend with no expression, just fatigue in his eyes. "You're afraid." He said. Lucifer tilted his head but that was all. "You're afraid because finally, people give you a chance and you don't know how it's like anymore. So you act like you always do, you play dumb and you make the wrong decisions on purpose."

"Don't you dar-"

"Listen to me. You're going to go see Bobby. Hell I'm gonna go with you to make sure you do. You're gonna have a job and you're gonna stay away from any bottle of alcohol." He said. Lucifer looked away, moistening his lips with his tongue with an expression of annoyance on his face. "Yeah buddy, you're gonna quit for good, I'm telling you." Gabriel concluded. Lucifer rolled his eyes as he sighed and turned away. He felt Gabriel's palm hitting the back of his head. "Dumbass." This one said with a little smile as they both walked towards the table again. "So, it seems like our Luci' is gonna have an interview with Bobby." He said with a big smile.

Alfie glanced at Lucifer who was staring at Castiel. This one was smiling too. Alfie turned his head towards his friend.

"I'm going to go pay." He almost muttered before he stood up. He walked past Lucifer and quickly went to see Ellen to pay for their food and drinks.

"What's the deal with them?" Ellen asked. Alfie glanced at Castiel who was laughing with Gabriel. Alfie thought during a few seconds before he looked at the owner again.

"I... Castiel is persuaded he can bring them back with us." He answered. Ellen glanced at Lucifer, frowning. He was still looking at Castiel, like he had done most of the time since he walked in the bar. With an intense stare and no real expression on his face. She didn't like that.

* * *

_8 years ago_

* * *

 

Gabriel helped his best friend to stand up.

"Let's go." He said, frowning at Bartholomew. Gabriel was a small kid, smaller than Lucifer. Smaller than Bartholomew. Plus, this one was also older than them. He was sixteen and they were twelve. He was going to the church too but he was really mean with Lucifer. He was mostly leaving Gabriel alone because he didn't have anything to attack him.

"Look at him. As pathetic as his father must be." Bartholomew said, laughing.

There were some laughters in the crowd around the three boys. Lucifer was trying not to cry, sick and tired of this bully. He had Gabriel's hands on his arm and he tried to stand still. His clothes and his face were dirty after Bartholomew pushed it against the food on the floor. He wanted to cry so bad. He wanted to go back at the hospital and curl up against his mom. She would be too weak to comfort him but he would smell her scent, he would feel the heat of her body and he would be able to hug her. He would feel her heartbeat against his ear and that's all he needed. That's all he wanted. The doctors were optimistic, she would recover. The chimio was making her so tired, sick and weak but she was strong and there were already some results. Lucifer was sure she would make it. But for now he had to stay at Bobby's place to be able to sleep somewhere. Bobby was cool and he had a big dog. Gabriel and Lucifer loved to play where all the wrecks were, hide and seek had never been more fun. Lucifer had always knew Bobby because his mother was already friend with him when he came into this world. Everytime she had to work during the night, the little boy would sleep over there and Bobby would always invite Gabriel too. Two boys were already living there at that time, two orphans, the Winchesters. They were older, Dean was eighteen and Sam was thirteen.

Lucifer looked around at the other kids. Some were not laughing at all but it was so embarrassing anyway. A teacher came between them to check on what was happening and take care of the situation.

Later that day, Lucifer went to the church to pray for his mom. He had only washed his face. Zachariah was there and talked with him but he didn't stay too much, he prefered to head at Bobby's; his second home.

 

☼

 

Late at night, after he checked that Gabriel was asleep in the little bed they were sharing, Lucifer went down on his knees on the floor near the edge of the mattress. His elbows were resting on it and his hands were joined together.

"Daddy..." Lucifer whispered. He looked at the ceiling. "I know you're busy but... Mom is sick and the other kids are mean. They say my dad hates me but I have you and you love me..." He said. "Why is mommy sick, daddy? I'm afraid she will leave me. I'm so scared and this kid hits me. He made me drop my food on the floor today. He hit me and he pushed my face where the food spilled." He explained, almost crying. He swallowed, looked down during a few seconds and stared at the ceiling again. "But I forgive him." He said. "The Reverend told me to. That one day he will understand he is wrong and he will apologize to me. That I had to show I was stronger by forgiving his bad actions. He knows better so I listen to him and apply his words." Lucifer held a sigh and looked down. "Should I listen to him, daddy? Is it the right thing to do? I don't really like him. He says I'm his favorite but he makes me get naked. And I'm so embarassed, so I don't tell mom. I get bad dreams because of him... No one would believe me. But you know my heart, my soul and what is inside them. So you  know I'm telling you the truth... I love you daddy." He said before he stood up. He went under the covers, rolled up into a ball next to his best friend. He didn't turned off the light as he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by a song for the flashback in which some elements were really close to Lucifer's past. It was in a form of a prayer and was really touching so I thought I should do something like that here.  
> So yeah, I think Lucifer's past becomes more clear? It doesn't mean it will be the end soon, I don't exactly know when it will end and what will happen next but I already planned some things so don't worry, it's not over yet just because we learn more about what happened !


	8. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was gonna be fucking long so I cut it in two parts (well I still have to write the second one) but I already know exactly what's gonna happen in it. I'll work on it today to be able to post it tomorrow at the latest. 
> 
> I feel like I need to warn people that I described (not as much as i could have done because i can't stand writing things like that, it's really hard not only to write but to imagine cause it's awful) the abuse in this chapter. It's nothing like smut or whatever it could have been, but what's going on is comprehensible so yeah, skip the part in italic if you don't want to read that.  
> Then again, I didn't describe totally the thing, but i get it can make some people uncomfortable. So here you go.
> 
> Enjoy. :)

As soon as Gabriel and Lucifer got home, this one went to his bedroom, closed the door and put his new disc on his record-player. Gabriel, outside, smiled when he heard the music. Lucifer had said it was nice from Castiel but he actually was really pleased by the gift, more than he thought himself. This time, Gabriel didn't complain when he went to bed an hour later and that the music was still playing. His friend needed a break, he wasn't going to be hard on him. Castiel had chose a good record. Gabriel was happy to see that both of his friends were getting along this way. He had noticed the way Lucifer was acting when he was around Castiel. At first, he thought it was weird. Later, he decided it wasn't that bad of a thing. He was calm around him, he seemed to think a bit less about whatever was making him acting like a douche and it had been a while since the last time Gabriel had been able to see Lucifer being nice to someone else than Gabriel himself.

Gabriel phone rang. Strange, at this time of the night. He looked at his phone, sitting on his bed as he yawned. Why was Castiel calling him?

"What is it, kiddo?" He asked with a small smile after he had picked up his phone.

"Gabe, I'm not waking you up?" Castiel asked. Gabriel could feel the boy had a big smile on his face.

"Nah, don't worry, I was just about to go to bed." He replied.

"Okay great, so, did Lucifer tell you anything about my gift?" The singer asked. Gabriel laughed at the boy's curiosity and shook his head a bit.

"You're a real phenomenon, you know that? You don't call people that late to ask things like that. If you really want to know, you can call Luci." He said.

"Come oooon. I'm asking you!" Castiel grumbled before he laughed, letting himself fall on his bed. Gabriel shared his laugh and glanced at his door.

"Yeah kiddo, he likes it. He started listening to it when we get back and he still does." Gabriel said, very pleased. He heard Castiel giggling.

"Awesome!" He whispered. Gabriel frowned with an amused grin, trying to restrain a laugh.

"What got into you? You seem really excited. At your age, I was asleep by now." He said to tease the boy. But this one didn't react like he was everytime Gabriel was teasing him about his age. Instead, he giggled again.

"Nah, it's nothing!" He said.

"Come on, are you hiding something I should know? You're going to break my heart." Gabriel said, joking. Castiel laughed.

"Well, I had a really good day. Lucifer likes his gift and I just had some good news about the church on my way back so I'm just having a really, really good day." Castiel replied before he bit his lower lip, very excited.

"Well, why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Well, Alfie and I met the Reverend on our way back and we talked with him, he had really good news." Castiel started to explain right away, showing he was actually dying to tell someone about that. "For now, we are the only ones to know, well with Michael, that Father Zachariah is going to come back for a few weeks! That's awesome, I missed him so much!" Castiel said. He couldn't contain his joy, even if he could wake up his mom. He was basically worshipping the guy and Gabriel knew it.

"I'm glad then, kiddo. That's good, do you know when he will be there?" He asked.

"Nah, the Reverend didn't tell us, we're not supposed to know yet!" Castiel said before he giggled again. Gabriel smiled and tilted his head.

"I'm happy for you, Cas." He said. He glanced at his door when a shadow hid the light it was giving him. He stared at Lucifer, still smiling. "Look, I gotta go but you will tell me all about it tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay!" Castiel answered before he hung up the phone. Gabriel looked at his screen, surprised, it was late but his friend didn't seem to be ready to sleep, he was way too excited.

"Why are you happy for him?" Lucifer asked, hands in the pockets of his jean. Gabriel glanced at him and laughed a little.

"It's a church thing, he's just really excited about it." He replied, putting his phone on his bedside table. Lucifer smirked, containing a laugh.

"You don't say." He said, tilting his head a little as he looked down. "So, what's going on?"

"Well, remember Zachariah? He's coming back for a while or something like that, Cas is gonna explain me everything next time I see him." Gabriel said, standing up to go towards his wardrobe. He didn't noticed Lucifer was now staring at him with a blank look on his face.

Yeah. He remembered Zachariah. He closed his eyes during a second and swallowed. He opened his mouth to talk again but he couldn't say anything so he closed it.

"I feel like I haven't seen the old guy in ages. I wonder why he's coming back." Gabriel said, searching in his wardrobe. He heard a noise and turned his head only to see Lucifer's back as this one left his room. He raised his eyebrows but didn't mind. He knew Lucifer had a lot of problems with the guy and that was the reason he also had problems with the church. Gabriel never knew the background of what happened between them, he just knew Lucifer tried to make him being arrested by lying, or something like that. He just heard the townspeople say that. Lucifer had never wanted to talk about it so Gabriel let it go.

It was three in the morning when Lucifer finally fell asleep. He never had the amount of sleep he should have so his eyes closed by themselves even if his brain didn't want to shut up since Gabriel told him Zachariah was about to come back.

 

☼

 

_"I'm here for you, Lucifer. You know that, right?" Zachariah said with a smile. The young boy looked down when he felt a hand on his thigh. It was slowly moving up on his pants. He glanced at the man, ashamed. That was what he was usually doing. He was there for him, he always had been. Lucifer's mom trusted him as much as she trusted Bobby, maybe even more. He was a friend, Lucifer always knew the guy. Sometimes, he was coming to eat at their place, sometimes he was looking after Lucifer. At first, this one liked him and he was there for him when his mom got sick. The blond seeked for a father figure that he found in the priest. It started without Lucifer realizing what was going on. It was allusions. He offered Lucifer's mother to let the boy sleep over sometimes if she had to work to not always make him go at Bobby's. He was there when he was taking a bath and spent a lot of time with Lucifer. Then he continued to grow up and Zachariah's interest kept growing too. He touched him differently sometimes. Before, he was putting his hand on his knee to reassure him. Now, it was higher, near the inside of his tight. Lucifer had been naked in the man bedroom once, not the bathroom, because Zachariah said his pajamas were there. It began with that and it happened more often as time passed._

_"Everything is going to be fine." Zachariah continued with a smile as his gaze went down on Lucifer's bare chest. The boy was older, he could comprehend a bit more what was going on but couldn't do a lot against it. He tried to avoid seeing Zachariah that much but he couldn't reject him. The blond felt hands on him, touchs that he shouldn't have with the older man. He could hear his respiration and feel his lips on his cheek, his jaw and his neck. He could feel his own heart beating really fast. Not because of excitement but because of the fear he had in him._

_"I'm here for you, Lucifer, it is your birthday, isn't it? I have a special gift just for you." Zachariah said with a smile. Lucifer was now twenty-one. He was scared and paralyzed to see the man again. He was sitting on the edge of his own bed, in his old bedroom, back in his childhood house. Gabriel wasn't there. Why wasn't he there? And where was his mom? Right, they were all gone because Lucifer was a liar. Now he was all alone with the priest. Zachariah closed the bedroom's door and walked towards Lucifer with the same smile. He softly pressed Lucifer's cheek and tilted his head. "Have you been a good boy while I was away? I heard you did some nasty things." He whispered, bending to be closer to Lucifer. "Did you miss me, Lucifer?" The man asked. He_ _came closer again and Lucifer felt him kissing the corner of his lips. His heart skipped a beat but he couldn't push the man away. He couldn't move, the only thing he could do was feel tears on his cheeks. He felt Zachariah's breath near his ear. "You're all grown up now. Happy birthday, Lucifer." He whispered, slowly touching Lucifer's skin under his white shirt._

 

Lucifer woke up with a start, he was panting and sweating, shirtless in his bed. He was sitting on the mattress and tears were flowing like water on his cheeks. His hands were shaking and he tried to breath properly. He couldn't. He was dizzy and felt sick. He tried to remove the thin cover he had on his waist but he couldn't because he was panicking. He almost fell when he got out of the bed and used his feet to finally remove the fabric hindering his legs. He opened his door and tried to walk straight in the dark. He finally reached the bathroom's handle and walked in the room without even turning the light on. 

He went down on his knees and threw up in the toilet. He was still breathing heavily when he was done. He was trying to stay still but his hands were shaking against the toilet bowl and he was sobbing loudly. He wanted to stop crying, he couldn't cry, he shouldn't cry, never. He felt like his heart was about to explode and suddenly, the light blinded him and he let himself fall down, sitting in front of the toilet. He used his hands to break his fall and not end up laying on his back. Gabriel had heard him because he didn't close his door earlier and he was now walking quickly towards his friend, crouching next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Dude, hey, Luci, you okay?" He asked, panicked. Lucifer hit his friend's arm and pushed his own body away with his feet. He stopped when he felt his back was against the cold wall. His skin was warm and he shivered without noticing it. Gabriel was looking at him, surprised and worried, softly rubbing his arm.

He didn't expect that reaction. He didn't expect to see his friend crying this way, throwing up in the middle of the night because of the panic. He didn't expect being hit for touching him, it never happened. Yes, Lucifer was violent, but he never had been with him.

"Luci..." He muttered. He tried to take a step towards his friend but stopped when this one turned his head to look away, joining his hands. He was fiddling his fingers and Gabriel wondered if he wasn't hurting himself because he seemed to use a lot of strength to do that, like he was really uncomfortable. "Okay, look. I'm staying here. Luci, you need to calm down." He tried to say with a soft voice. He wanted to reassure his best friend. He stood up and slowly walked towards the toilet to flush it, pursing his lips. Then, he sat down in front of his friend with a security distance. "I'm not going anywhere, Luci. I'll wait for you to calm down." He said. He took his time to observe his friend.

He was still shaking, sweating and crying. He was actually loud, even if Gabriel could see he was trying to stop, drying his cheeks every other five seconds. It took a few minutes for Lucifer to breathe a little bit more calmly, he was still sobbing a lot though. He wiped his cheeks with his wet hands again, sniffed and looked at Gabriel. Their eyes met and they stayed silent during a few seconds before Gabriel saw his friend's chin shaking again. He decided to approach him. He stood up and walked slowly before he sat next to him. He didn't try to touch him, this time.

"Calm down Luci... It's only the both of us here..." He whispered. Lucifer turned his head on the right side to look at his friend, rubbing his left eye.

"G-Gabe... I-" Lucifer tried to talk but couldn't because of his sobs. He moved closer to Gabriel and let the boy slowly touch his back, moving his hand up and down on it to reassure his friend.

"It's okay, Luci..." He said. "You don't have to explain what's happening if you don't want to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You just need to calm down." He whispered, his eyes meeting Lucifer's again. The blond was always afraid for his friend to find out the truth. He didn't want him to leave him alone like the others, not Gabriel, he wouldn't be able to deal with that. Was he that repellent? That's what he was thinking since Zachariah put his filthy hands on his body and his opinion didn't change even after all the showers he could have take. He still felt soiled. But it had been a while since the last time he had been sick because of that. It wasn't just a dream, it was memories. They were so vivid that he couldn't help himself but panic. The boy took a long breath and felt fingers on his cheek. Gabriel was softly wiping the tears from his face. "Here you go." His friend whispered, smiling softly. Lucifer felt his heart aching and he approached Gabriel to hide his face against the boy's shoulder. His hand gripped Gabriel's tee-shirt as he sobbed. 

"I'm sorry..." He articulated and he felt Gabriel's fingers in his hair.

"It's okay, Luci, you know it. I'm always here." Gabriel replied. It was true. This moment was a reminder of the day his mom had to get back to the hospital. Lucifer sighed loudly and Gabriel closed his eyes, tilting his head to let it be against Lucifer's. He let the broken boy calm down, this one slowly moving his head to let it rest on Gabriel's knees. His hands were shaking and he couldn't tell if it was because he was still really panicked or if it was because he wanted to drink. That's what he was doing to avoid having any dreams like that.

Laying on the floor, he focused on Gabriel's fingers slowly running through his hair again and again.

 

☼

 

When Lucifer woke up, he wasn't in his bed. He stretched out on the bed and yawned. He had a headache and it took him a moment before he realized he was in Gabriel's bedroom. The guy wasn't there though, he was probably already working. He felt really bad when he sat on the mattress. He got up and walked out of the room to go in the bathroom. He looked at the mirror above the sink to see his reflection. He was pale, his eyes were red and his hair were really messy. He splashed some water on his face and brushed his teeth before he left the bathroom to go in his bedroom. He took his phone to see what time it was, surprised it was already the afternoon. He had a missed call from an unknown number and he decided to not call back. He didn't feel like it.

 

When Castiel walked in The Roadhouse, he directly spotted Gabriel behind the bar. He was leaning against it, his right elbow on the counter and his chin on his hand. He seemed to be talking with a guy and he didn't noticed the young man. Castiel walked towards them, sitting on the stool next to the man, smiling at Gabriel when this one looked at him.

"Hey, kiddo!" This one said, smiling at the boy.

"Hey, Gabriel. You look awful." He replied with a smile. The guy next to him laughed, so did Gabriel.

"Yeah, I didn't sleep a lot, thank you for noticing." Gabriel said. Castiel nodded to say "you're welcome" and glanced at the man next to him. He looked familiar. "Ah, this is Chuck." Gabriel said, smiling. Castiel recognized the man, it all came back. He used to come to the church too but he moved out of the town with his father three years ago. The beard was probably the reason he didn't recognized him right away.

"And you're Castiel, right?" The man said, he was not sure though. Castiel nodded and they shook their hands. Castiel glanced at Gabriel who was looking at Chuck.

"He arrived this morning." He began, finally looking at Castiel again. "He finally decided to come and see me." He said, rolling his eyes. Chuck laughed and shook his head before he stood up. He wasn't tall, maybe even smaller than Gabriel. He patted Castiel's shoulder and smiled at Gabriel.

"I've gotta go but I see you tonight." The man said and Gabriel nodded with a smirk. Chuck and Castiel said goodbye to each other and he left.

"An old friend of yours, then?" Castiel asked. Gabriel laughed a little and nodded.

"Yeah, we were kind of a thing before he moved out." Gabriel explained, smiling sadly. Castiel tilted his head.

"What happened then?" He asked.

"His father." Gabriel said, looking down. He shook his head and smiled at Castiel. "So, you have things to tell me, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a bit sad wasn't it? And also based on Gabriel and Lucifer friendship + on Gabe's (kinda old but kinda renewed) relationship (that wasn't planned but yeah). I also want you guys to know a bit about his story and he deserves love, doesn't he? :D
> 
> The next chapter will be full of Casifer interactions guys ! Be prepared for the feels!


	9. Sleep Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was afraid I couldn't write it today, I had to work for school during all afternoon but here I am, finally posting it ! I'm excited about this chapter, I feel like it's somehow promising ! Tell me what you think about it!  
> And I hope I didn't let two many mistakes in the chapter but I have to study for school so I can't stay in front of my computer right now to check once again!

Lucifer's day was really long. He didn't left the apartment, he didn't feel like it. He took a long shower and stayed in the couch most of the day, changing the channels without purpose. He didn't want to do anything, even eat wasn't appealing. It seemed pointless, he prefered to be in the doldrums. He sent a message to Gabriel though, to know when he would come back home. This one answered he wasn't working late and asked if it was okay for Chuck to come by. Lucifer knew he couldn't say no, it was probably really important for his best friend and he would never do something that could make him unhappy, even if he didn't want to see anyone. So he said he was welcome to come, that it was a good thing he was back. Also that he would probably stay in his room to let them be together and not spoil the moment. He knew what happened between the two of them. His mother and himself were in the confidence a few years back. He remembered when Gabriel and Chuck were saying to their parents they were going to study or do their homework while once in the room, they were making out and cuddling during all the afternoon. Gabriel couldn't stop talking about him to Lucifer who was genuinely happy for his friend. Then Chuck's parents divorced, then his father started to be suspicious about Gabriel and his son. He was homophobic, clearly, and he didn't like the way they were looking at each other. So the boys never talked about it to anyone else than Lucifer. When the three of them were hanging out at Lucifer's place, they could freely hold hands, kiss and be way too cute for Lucifer's mental health but when somebody else was around, they had to stop. If not, everyone would know. Then, Chuck's father went in his room one day when his son wasn't there, found pictures of Gabriel and his son in a photo booth, smiling and kissing. Then, they left the town. Gabriel never had a serious relationship since then. Chuck had been really important in his life. First real boyfriend, first time he was making love with someone, first time he imagined a future with someone. Lucifer wondered what was going on in Chuck's love life. If he was coming tonight, maybe there was a chance for them. He hoped Gabriel wouldn't be too worried about him, he wanted him to enjoy his time with Chuck. 

So Lucifer went out. He tried to tell himself he was doing that to let his friend alone with the guy when really, he was going back to the first solution he could think about to forget. He drank. A lot. He didn't even know what time it was anymore. He wasn't sure when the barman approached him.

"We're closing, buddy." The guy said to Lucifer. This one paid his last drink, drank it down in one and left the bar, staggering. He walked in the middle of the street for a while, it was deserted at this time of the night. Later, he crossed path with some guys and fought. Then, he was walking again. He wasn't even sure where his feet decided to drive him. Lucifer removed his hands from his jacket and searched in his pockets to find his phone. It was almost four in the morning. He saw a message from Gabriel, asking where he was. He got this message five hours before he saw it, he didn't answer, he probably wouldn't be able to write a proper sentence and in the end, he would just wake him up. Instead, he searched after one of his contact to call him, still walking. The guy didn't answer but he called once again. After a few rings, he finally picked up.

"Who is it?" A sleepy voice asked.

"You know... I didn't..." Lucifer began.

"L-Lucifer?" Castiel asked as he sat on his mattress.

"I didn't ask for anythin' you know." He kept on talking. He wasn't really articulating and it was the first time Castiel heard him talking this way. He was usually talking somehow slowly, always taking his time and it was making it even more intense. But now, clearly, he wasn't himself.

"Are you drunk?" The boy asked, worried. He couldn't help but yawned. "Lucifer, it's late, you should be at your place. What are you doing?" He asked.

"And I don't deserve any of this, I didn't do anythin' to anyone!" The boy continued. "Okay, okay. You're right, I admit, I might have beat up some motherfuckers because it was funny, so what? You're gonna punish me? I ain't afraid of you, I ain't afraid of anyone!" He said. Castiel didn't understand what he was talking about, he already had a hard time to figure out what he was saying. He sighed.

"Lucifer, you know that I have to go to the church, tomorrow, don't you?" He asked, scratching the back of his head. "Probably not." He mumbled. He heard Lucifer saying something but couldn't quite comprehend any of the words he said. Then the guy spoke louder again, almost shouting and Castiel raised his eyebrows when he thought he heard a voice outside.

"I've always been a good boy but that fucker...! He's just an asshole, I don't understand you!" Lucifer was saying. "This son of a bitch doesn't deserve what he gets but me... I-I deserves it, y'know!" He said, his anger still growing. Castiel got up and walked out of his bedroom. He was trying to be silent when he went down the stairs to not wake up his mother. The sound was being louder as he was approaching it. He took the key hanging near the front door and opened this one. There he was. A drunk but still really good looking blond in the middle of the street, talking on the phone.

"What the...! Lucifer!" Castiel said. He was trying to whisper as much as he could. Lucifer turned his head towards him and gave him a smile as he slowly blinked.

"Dude! Hey!" Lucifer said, waving at Castiel, keeping the phone near his ear. Castiel hung up and shook his head, walking the path in front of his door, barefoot.

"What do you think you're doing?" Castiel asked, looking around him. He didn't know Lucifer knew where he was living.

"Dude, how awesome is this? I was talking on the phone with you and now you're here!" He said before he laughed. He looked around him and then, he stared at Castiel. "How did you find me, dude? And how come you're in your pajamas in the street?" He asked. Seriously? Castiel wanted to hit his shoulder to make him stop talking that loud but he noticed his jacket was damaged at this place. He also noticed he was stinking alcohol and that a black eye was starting to appear on his face. The boy pursed his lips and grabbed Lucifer's wrist. "Whatyoudoin'?" Lucifer asked, frowning.

"Shut up, Lucifer, you're going to wake up the whole neighborhood." He answered. Lucifer didn't really seem pleased with the answer and frowned again but he didn't do anything else about it. Castiel pulled the young man's arm towards him, he heard him protest and shushed him again. It was dark so Castiel could see the jacket was ripped and that it seemed blood had flowed through the cut. He frowned. "I need you to be silent now, can you do that, Lucifer?" He asked, glancing at the man again. He was surprised to see this one was already staring at him with a blank look. He finally nodded and Castiel walked towards his house, not letting go of the blond's arm. This one followed him, tripping on the sidewalk edge. He laughed while Castiel rolled his eyes and they both entered the house. Castiel locked it and turned around to see Lucifer in front of the stairs. At least, he was silent. He quickly went in front of him, putting his hands against his chest.

"Lucifer." He whispered. "Remove your shoes."

"Oh, I didn't know we were at this point of our relationship, you nasty litt-" Lucifer started, a bit more loud than Castiel. He was soon stopped by the boy who put his hand against the blond's mouth.

"Shut up." Castiel said. His cheeks were burning and he was glad it was mostly dark in there. He stared at Lucifer, meeting his shining eyes before he turned his head to look away. "You're making too much noise. My mom's asleep." He whispered. He removed his hand from Lucifer's face only to see a big grin on it. He rolled his eyes and waited for the man to move. This one ended up sitting on the floor to remove his shoes, as well as his socks. Castiel sighed and took everything with him as they climbed up the stairs. He was focused on Lucifer, afraid this one would fall and hurt himself or worse, in his opinion; wake his mother up. He didn't even know what he was doing. He tried to understand but he couldn't. He walked in the bathroom with Lucifer, locking the door behind him after he turned on the light. It burned his eyes and he hid them behind his hand, making a face. He was in the bathroom with a man he wasn't supposed to talk to and his mother was asleep at the end of the hallway. What a mess. When he looked at the guy, he saw the black eye was actually bigger than he thought and he also had a cut on the lower lip. Castiel wondered why Lucifer always had to fight. He had way too much anger in him.

"What are you goin' to do to me?" Lucifer asked, trying to whisper. Castiel put a finger against his own mouth to tell him that he had to shut up again.

"Remove your jacket." He said as he was crouching in front of a cabinet that he opened. He stood up with a bandage and some disinfectant. Surprisingly, Lucifer did what Castiel said without saying anything. He removed his jacket and Castiel frowned, seeing the blood and the cut on his arm. He then removed his shirt too for Castiel's bigger surprise. As Lucifer was taking it off, the younger boy let his eyes enjoy the view he had in front of him. He was pleased by it. Lucifer was well built for someone spending his time going out to drink. No wonder he wasn't afraid to fight. Castiel already had the occasion to see the man's arms thanks to his tee-shirts but he didn't know he would be turned on by seeing Lucifer shirtless. He stopped staring at his body when Lucifer let his white shirt fall on the floor. Castiel cleared his throat and, his fingers around Lucifer's wrist, he examined the wound. Lucifer looked down to stare at the boy's face, close to his arm. The younger one could feel his body was warm even if he was coming from outside. He looked up, meeting Lucifer's eyes and felt he was blushing again. He turned around to take a compress. Lucifer moved to lean against the edge of the sink, staying close to Castiel who was wetting the fabric. He turned a bit his body to face Lucifer's arm and he started to softly clean the injury from the blood. He was focused, the compress in his right hand and the left on Lucifer's arm. This one was still staring at Castiel.

"Am I allowed to talk?" He asked, whispering and restraining a little laugh. Castiel glanced at him for only a second before he looked at the wound again.

"Only if you tell me why you fought." He whispered as an answer. Lucifer tilted his head but didn't look away.

"I was angry." He said. "Really, really, really, really, really... Really angry." Castiel stopped to clean the wound but kept looking at it.

"Why were you angry? Because you're drunk?" He asked before he took another compress, trying to focus on what he was doing. He heard a laugh and knew Lucifer was shaking his head.

"Nat really..." Lucifer said. " 'T was before the drinks..." Castiel smirked a bit because of the way Lucifer was talking.

"Talk to me, Lucifer." Castiel said, meeting Lucifer's eyes for a second again. He took again another compress but this time, he put disinfectant on it. Lucifer shrugged and made a face because he felt like the wound was burning.

"I dunno... I was... You know. Sick... I threw up... And... Really tired and... And y'know, I didn't want to... Because Gabe, you know, Gabe doesn't need me to... Nat tonight... And so I went out and then I drank a laaaat." Lucifer explained. Castiel smiled a little as he was still taking care of his friend. "And then... I dunno, I just..." He tried to talk more but ended up sighing. Castiel raised his head to look at Lucifer before he tilted it.

"So you were upset, you drank and you called me." He said.

"You have really... Beautiful eyes..." Lucifer whispered, still staring at Castiel. This one, taken aback, blushed but didn't look away. "All sparky and... Pretty..."

"Are you still angry, Lucifer?" Castiel asked, ignoring what he was saying. It was the alcohol. It was only because Lucifer was drunk. The man shrugged.

"I dunno. Yeah, I am. But not so much right now." He said, smiling. Castiel smiled back and looked at his arm.

"Does it hurt?" He asked, taking the bandage. Lucifer laughed.

"Nah, nat really. But I'm drunk as fuck so you know..." He said, still smiling. Castiel looked at him during a few seconds before he focused again on the injury, using the bandage. Lucifer had a hiccup and finally, for the first time since they were in the bathroom, he looked away. He was actually wondering if he could make it to the toilet if he had to throw up or if he was going to do it on Castiel's feet. "I should call the candy man..." He whispered. Castiel restrained a laugh and shook his head.

"He's probably sleeping, Lucifer, it doesn't sound like a really good idea." He replied. Lucifer laughed about something Castiel couldn't understand. He glanced at whatever Lucifer was looking at but he didn't see anything that could be funny. Again, the boy was drunk. He heard him mumble "sleeping" and then he laughed again. He was probably the only one who could understand that joke so Castiel didn't mind him and moved back a little.

"Here you go, you're going to be all better now." He said, looking at the bandage. Lucifer glanced at his arm, then at Castiel. He stayed silent until Cas looked at him. "What is it, now?"

"Doctors give candy to the patients who are really good. Like me." He said. He had a serious look on his face and Castiel rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a doctor, Lucifer, I guess you will have to wait until you see Gabriel. He will have some for you." Castiel said. Lucifer laughed again when he heard his friend's name. Castiel started to put back what he took from the cabinet at its place and he took Lucifer's shoes, tee-shirt, jacket and the wet compresses in his hands. "Hush, Lucifer." He said and Lucifer nodded quickly, putting a finger against Castiel's lips before he put it against his own lips.

They walked towards Castiel's bedroom and this one closed the door. He put Lucifer's stuff on his desk, the shoes on the floor, the compresses in his own bin and he locked the door just to be sure his mother wouldn't walked in in a few hours. They had to go to the church. Lucifer sat directly on the bed and tapped the mattress. How could it be that comfortable? He tapped the pillow next to him and slowly layed down, resting his head on it with a pleased moan. It made Castiel turn his head towards him. He walked towards the bed and sat down on the edge, next to Lucifer. This one was on his left side to not be on the injury on his right arm and he was looking at Castiel.

"Tired?" This one asked. Lucifer didn't answer.

Castiel felt something playing with the edge of his grey t-shirt and he looked down to see Lucifer's fingers on it. He was strangely focused on it.

"You don't deserve that..." Lucifer whispered.

"My shirt?" Castiel asked with a little smile. Lucifer stared at his friend, he looked serious and Castiel stopped smiling. "What is it, Lucifer?"

"The problems I create... You're gonna hate me... Like everyone..." He whispered. Castiel tilted his head.

"I'm not going to hate you. Gabriel doesn't hate you neither. I'm sure some other people care for you. The Reverend cares too." Castiel whispered, slowly reaching Lucifer's fingers for him to stop pulling his shirt. Instead, he kept Lucifer's fingers between his two hands, remembering the soft contact they had the other day helped the boy to calm down.

"Gabriel hates me..." He whispered back, closing his eyes. "Why wouldn't he? I'm a burden..." He said. He opened his eyes again, feeling that he would fall asleep if they were close for longer than a minute. He didn't know he was so tired, as well as Castiel didn't know how depressed he could be.

"You're not a burden, Lucifer, why would you say something like that?" Castiel whispered. He moved a bit closer to the boy instead of being almost sitting on the floor. "Gabriel loves you."

"He's got problems 'cause of me... And I'm a pain in the ass... Selfish and... A real dick... You know, I left the apartement tonight 'cause... I know if I was there I would have ruined everything he planned for him and Chuck... And even like that, y'know... I'm sure he was worried 'bout me again... I probably messed up his plans..." He explained with difficulty. Castiel pursed his lips and pressed the hand he had in his.

"Like I told you, he loves you. All he wants for you is to be happy. You should see him when he talks about you. And after all that happened, he's still with you. It means that he truly cares. He wouldn't still be there if not." Castiel explained. He slowly moved his left hand to slowly pass it behind Lucifer. This one closed his eyes again when he felt Castiel's fingers moving up and down on his back.

"That's 'cause he doesn't know the truth..." He whispered with bitterness. Castiel didn't know if he should ask information about this truth. He was drunk, if Gabriel didn't know, why would he want Castiel to know anything about it? The boy thought about it a few seconds but it was probably his only chance.

"You remember when I told you you could talk to me if you needed to? You can tell me the truth. I'm not going to tell anything to Gabriel." He said calmly. Lucifer opened his eyes and glanced at Castiel. He looked exhausted.

"I can't... You love the guy too much..." He said with a sad smile before he closed his eyes again. Castiel didn't understand. He stayed silent, staring at Lucifer.

He fell asleep faster than he expected him to. Quickly, Lucifer's breath became more regular and he didn't show any more signs of consciousness. He felt the grip on his right hand disappear and he slowly put Lucifer's hand on the mattress as he sighed. He glanced at the clock. 4:30 am. The boy yawned and looked at his bed. Well, he was already sleeping next to Alfie there when this one was sleeping over, he could sleep next to Lucifer, it wasn't that big of a deal. Yeah. It wasn't that big of a deal. He stood up and looked at the shirtless guy on his bed, tilting his head. He actually didn't move during a moment, he just kept looking at him and his body. He felt his hearbeat increasing and a weird sensation in his stomach. He sighed again, thinking he was way too tired and he bypassed the bed to lay on the other side. He was on his back, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore the breathing noise next to him. It was hard and he couldn't help but glanced at Lucifer's back.

His hair were all messy on his head and Castiel pictured himself running his fingers through it. That's when he looked quickly at the ceiling again. What was wrong with him? He couldn't imagine things like that, not with Lucifer. He frowned and pursed his lips.

He glanced again.

He could see the body moving slowly at each breath Lucifer was taking. He remembered how warm he was when he touched his arm and wanted to feel the heat of his body again. He slowly moved a bit to be closer to Lucifer without it being suspicious. He thought he was ridiculous. The guy was asleep for Pete's sake! Castiel sighed and turned on his side to look at the wall and not see Lucifer anymore. He really tried to sleep but he couldn't. His body wouldn't let him, his brain wouldn't stop shouting he should be closer to him, that he could say he probably moved by himself during the night, that he could lie to be able to sleep against the man. That was wrong, he couldn't do that.

He didn't sleep.

 

☼ 

 

When Lucifer opened his eyes, he realized he wasn't in his bed. Again. But this time, he wasn't even in his apartement. His head was hurting him and he felt kind of dizzy. He closed his eyes, swallowed and heard some noise near him. He opened his eyes again and tried to discern something. His vision was blurry but he could make out a silhouette. A shirtless silhouette. Castiel was in front of his wardrobe, his back facing Lucifer as he was taking a white shirt to go to the church. Lucifer knew he shouldn't keep staring at the boy when he already had his morning erection. He knew it wasn't really connected with desire but having Castiel's back muscles in front of him wasn't helping though. He kept looking as the boy put his shirt on and closed his eyes when he moved. He didn't know why he chose to make him believe he was still asleep, maybe he didn't want to confront him. He used this time to try and make sense of what happened during the night but he couldn't quite remember how he ended up in front of Castiel's house. He heard a knock at the door and his hearbeat increased. Should he move, should he hide?

"Are you ready, sweetie? We're going to be late if you don't come now." His mother said. He heard some noise, Castiel taking his stuff, then Castiel being close to him, touching his leg and then Castiel leaving.

He opened his eyes again and stared at the ceiling. The mattress was comfortable. This thought reminded him of something but he couldn't really tell what. He moved a bit and moaned when he turned on his right side. He would stayed on his back for now. He glanced around him to examine the blue bedroom. It was clean and like he expected, it was tidy. The door was at his left, a window at his right, the wardrobe against the wall in front of the bed. A desk was just under the window. He turned on his left and he was submerged with a good smell. He closed his eyes as he sniffed it before he buried his face in the pillow. Was it Castiel's smell or just the pillowcase? He didn't know so he decided to attribute the smell to Castiel. He smiled, staying a moment like and before he knew it, he fell asleep again.

 

When he woke up, it was one in the afternoon. Castiel still wasn't there and again, Lucifer felt dizzy. He looked at the bedside table where his phone was. It made sense now, that's why Castiel touched his leg. He probably removed his phone from his pocket. He took it and unlocked it. He had three messages and two missed call from Gabriel or "The Candy Man" as he was named in his phone. He finally decided to call back, laying on his back and passing a hand on his face.

Gabriel was still in his bed, actually, laying with Chuck. Let's say they didn't have a lot of sleep during the night. But since Gabriel woke up, he couldn't find sleep again because he didn't know where Lucifer was. He had his head against his lover's chest when he heard the low ringtone of his phone. He slowly moved from Chuck's arms in order to reach his phone on the ground. Lucifer. Finally. He picked up his phone.

"Luci, you fucking idiot!" He whispered in a angry but worried tone. Lucifer smiled a little on Castiel's bed.

"Yeaaah... I'm sorry." He said, keeping his hand on his forehead because of his headache.

"Where the hell did you spend the night, fucker?" Gabriel asked.

"At Cassie's place." Lucifer answered, calmly. He didn't hear any reaction for a few seconds. "Gabe, you still there?" He asked.

"What did you do, Lucifer?" Gabriel asked calmly. It surprised his friend.

"Nothin', really. I drank my ass off dude, I ended up here but... I can't quite remember... I think I was nice." He explained. Gabriel closed his eyes, mumbling how stupid he was.

"I can't believe it dude... You really don't remember what happened?" He asked.

"Nah. I... Don't think I do." He said as he stood up. He slowly walked in the room, seeing some photos and medals above the desk. "I know that I drank a lot. Then I... I fought, that I know. Then I ended up here. I think we talked and I fell asleep on his bed." He explained as he was staring at the pictures of a smiling Castiel. There was one with both his parents when he was a bit younger, maybe thirteen. Lucifer smiled looking at it, Castiel had always been a really cute boy then.

"And his mother? Does she know you're there?" Gabriel asked. He felt arms coming slowly around him and smiled when Chuck's lips kissed his neck. He pressed one of his arm with his free hand, smiling like an idiot.

"You crazy? Of course not." Lucifer replied. "I promise you, I don't want to cause him any trouble. I didn't know what I was doing but I'll leave, don't worry."

"You better thank him man." Gabriel said, speaking a bit louder.

"Yeah, you really think I'm stupid enough to not do it?" Lucifer asked sarcastically.

"You never know." Gabriel said with a laugh. "So. What did you guys talked about?" He asked as Lucifer was looking at some pictures with Alfie. One at the skating rink, some at the church.

"I'm not quite sure." He said, staring at a picture. Zachariah was with a young Castiel, he wasn't older than fourteen, probably some time before the priest left the town. He felt the urge to rip the photo into pieces but he didn't move, it wasn't his. He wondered if he talked to Castiel about that, the night before but it was unlikely, even drunk. He sighed. "Are you busy or something? I'm going to leave, I guess I will have to escape by the window or somethin'." He said. Castiel's mother probably locked the doors before they left.

"Nah, you better hurry to come here, I need to hit you right now." Gabriel said. Lucifer had a slight laugh.

"I'm on my way." He said before he hung up.

He looked at his clothes on the desk and took his white shirt, dirty because of the blood. He put it on and stared at his jacket. He sat on the chair to put his socks and his shoes on before he searched after a piece of paper and a pen. He wanted to write "thank you" but stopped, glancing at his jacket. He put the pen down on the paper, stood up and walked towards the window to open it. It wasn't really high, he could easily go down by holding on to the window sill. He checked if the street was empty of any unwanted presence and he climbed on the desk to leave the room and his jacket behind him.

 

He was back at his place almost half an hour later, tired and probably looking a bit sick. He walked in the apartment to find Gabriel and Chuck in front of the TV. He smiled at this picture, removed his shoes and walked in the living room. Chuck stood up to greet Lucifer, hugging him. It had been so long since the last time he saw him too. He didn't even know what happened, he wasn't there when everything changed. Lucifer was glad he still had another friend.

Then, Gabriel had fun to explain the situation with Castiel during almost an hour, always telling Lucifer probably had a crush on the guy. This one was always hitting the back of his best friend's head when he was doing that.

Lucifer had to wait the end of the day before hearing a knock on the door. He knew who it was. He opened it and smirked at the boy in front of him.

"I know you're not supposed to leave anything behind when you have a one-night stand but how could I thanked you if you had nothing to come back to me?" Lucifer asked Castiel, visibly amused. Of course, he knew it could have annoy Castiel, he didn't really know what the boy was thinking of the situation and he felt himself guilty when he woke up at his place.

"Well, I still have your book." Castiel said with a little smile, handing the jacket to the man and surprising him at the same time.

"Wanna come in?" Lucifer asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys are slowly noticing what's going on, guys. So yeah, here you go, I hope you enjoyed and I guess you understand now why I cut the chapter in two parts, this one was long! I'm going to work on the following tomorrow ! :)


	10. Sweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is definitly shorter but yeah I hope it's not a bad one. 
> 
> So I'd like to warn that I don't read smutty fics (i don't read a lot of fics at all actually) and I never wrote any in english so yeah, I'm sorry for that if it sucks.
> 
> I'm still wondering what I'm going to do in the next chapter, I will try to write a longer one. I don't know if I should focused my attention on other moments between Luci and Cas, if I should do one with Chuck and Gabe, maybe actually write one about the two relationship instead of focusing on one, I don't know if it should be something fluffy, I don't know if I should make Zachariah come back already, I think I will wait a bit more for that, so yeah I'm thinking but feel free to tell me what you also would like to see in the next one !

"You know I'm not one to lie." Lucifer said, staring at Castiel. He was sitting on his own mattress, his back against his pillow and this same pillow against the wall. Castiel was next to him, in the same position and the boys were talking, now that Castiel had came back to his place. He wanted to have a real conversation, not one with a drunk Lucifer. The singer couldn't understand why he said all those things the night before.

"I don't know, actually, Lucifer. The Reverend told me you did a few years ago and that's why people don't really like you anymore." Castiel said, very serious. It hurt a bit. Lucifer had a smile. Yes, it was a sad smile but as long as he kept smiling, he could act like everything was fine.

"Yes, you know it. You see past what other people think." Lucifer whispered.

"How would you know that?"

"Well, you're sitting here with me. I don't think anyone know because you would be in trouble." Lucifer explained. Castiel pursed his lips and sighed.

"You lie all the time, Lucifer. Even to Gabriel." Castiel said, whispering too. They didn't needed to but like the other time, it was making it more intimate. Lucifer tilted his head, trying to understand what Castiel was saying. Castiel knew for the college money but never talked about it to Lucifer. He was also thinking about the fact Lucifer was always saying he was fine.

"Cassie." Lucifer said before he shrugged with only his left shoulder. "I don't need to lie. Yeah, I hide some truths when those are not important. Who doesn't? We all have our reasons. Again, you are sitting next to me while your mom think you are... Where, at The Roadhouse? At Alfie's? What did you say to her?" Lucifer asked.

"That I was going to help the church. I didn't lie." He said. Lucifer smiled again and looked in front of him.

"Right. I'm not going back there and I'm not answering those questions, Cassie. If I'm telling you it's for your own good, it's because it's not a lie." Lucifer said.

"From what do you want to protect me? I'm not a kid, Lucifer. I... I can... I'm not a child, okay?" Castiel said, frowning. Lucifer had a soft laugh and he glanced at Castiel. If he wasn't a kid, he was strongly reminding Lucifer of one.

"It's late, Cassie. It's time for you to go home, now. Your mom will worry and I don't want you to have any problems because of me." Lucifer said, moving on the mattress to stand up. He walked towards the door and opened it. Castiel sighed and stood up too, walking towards Lucifer. He stopped in front of him and looked at the man who was leaning against the door.

"Why did you give up on your faith?" Castiel asked. All he wanted to say was "why are you broken? I need to know to be able to fix you." but he couldn't. Gabriel glanced at them from the table since it was almost in front of Lucifer's door. The older man tilted his head, staring at Castiel for a few seconds.

"I didn't give up. It let go of me." Lucifer answered. They kept staring at each other, making Gabriel a bit uncomfortable on his seat. Finally, Castiel walked towards the front door, mumbling a "goodbye" to Gabriel, this one looking at his best friend's who was staring at Castiel until he couldn't see him anymore. Then, he glanced at his friend and rolled his eyes before he locked himself in his room.

 

☼

 

_"Faster..." Castiel moaned. He was panting and moaning near Lucifer's ear, making him slowly lose his reason.The singer's body was warm against his own bare skin. No, it wasn't warm, it was boiling hot._

_Every touch, every caress made Lucifer sigh with pleasure. It wasn't enough, if Castiel's fingers were leaving his body, he had to feel them again right away, he didn't want to lose the contact. He was himself holding firmly the boy's waist as he was thrusting in him without a break.Their moans were filling the room until they locked their lips together. Castiel's lips were incredibly soft and even if Lucifer didn't know it was possible at this point, he could feel another sensation of pleasure right in his stomach. Their tongues met and played with each other. Then, Lucifer broke the contact between their lips to taste Castiel's skin. He began by his jaw before Castiel pushed his head back. Lucifer lips went in his neck, kissing it, licking it and soflty biting it to let his mark on the boy. He felt Castiel's hand grabbing his blond hair as he arched his back a little bit more._

_Was Lucifer in Heaven?_

_He looked at Castiel's face. The boy had his mouth slightly opened to let his moans escape it, he had his eyes closed and his hair were flattened on his forehead because of his sweat. Lucifer loved hearing him moaning his name this way, with a hoarse voice. His requests were pure gold for Lucifer's ear and he was trying to lavish the young man._

 

Again, Lucifer woke up with a start. But this time, it wasn't because of terror. For once, he didn't want to wake up to escape his dream, he would have loved to stay until the end. He tried to catch his breath, his bare chest moving up and down really fast. He could feel his boxers being tight around his erection and he let himself fall against the mattress again, passing his hands on his face. Images from his dream were coming back again and again in his head; Castiel's moans and face were haunting him. He felt a weird sensation in his stomach and knew he wouldn't be able to stop his excitement to grow if he didn't stop thinking about it. But how could he? He thought about having a cold shower because he felt bad to think this way. He couldn't touch himself thinking about Castiel, right? It was bad, right? Right. That's what he was telling himself, seeing the pure and naked boy under him again. The sensation wasn't in his stomach anymore but directly in his crotch. He sighed and let his fingers slide at the edge of his sweatpants to lower them a bit. His fingers went slowly on his underwear to feel how hard he was. He closed his eyes, touching his erection this way during a few seconds before he decided to lower his boxer too. The fabric slowly moved against his hard cock, making him pull his stomach in before his crotch was finally free. He then passed his fingers around it, starting to picture it was Castiel's hands on his body. He kept his eyes closed, he was short of breath again and he was slowly speeding up the movement of his hand on his dick. He was already panting, his body was probably as tauten as his cock was. He ran his fingers through his hair and then put them against his mouth as he tried to keep his moans for himself. He could feel he was already going to come because of his dream. It took him a few more strokes for him to reach the orgasm. It felt really good. He was biting his lower lip to not be too noisy, sharing a wall with Gabriel, as his cum was making his stomach dirty at every moves from his wrist. _  
_

 

☼

 

Nobody was around. Good. Lucifer crossed the street with fast and big steps to walk towards the church with his head down. He climbed the few steps in front of it and stopped at the door. It was open. He glanced inside. No one to be seen. He walked in this place he used to love, pursing his lips and still looking down. He was wearing a black sweater and jeans, his sleeves were a bit rolled up and he had a black leather bracelet around his left wrist. As usual, his hair were really messy on his head. He was decided to confess to the priest. He didn't know why he decided to do it but maybe it could help. Not that God could help him but maybe talking with someone would. He couldn't explain that to Gabriel, he already knew what he would say. He needed to hear someone else's opinion on that matter. He was thinking his decisions lately were at some point selfish when it came to Castiel. He walked in the confessional with apprehension. Gadreel was, of course, on the other side of the partition, ready to hear the newcomer. 

Lucifer cleared his throat after he closed the door and sat down. He glanced at the priest through the lattice and with what it gave him to see, the Reverend was looking in front of him, patiently waiting. Lucifer looked up at the crucifix hanging above the lattice and then looked down. He didn't do the sign of the Cross when he turned his head to look in front of him again and took a deep breath, ready to talk.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned." Lucifer began. In his closed space, Gadreel frowned a bit. The boy was almost whispering but this voice... He wanted to believe it was Lucifer. After all, he learned from Ellen that Castiel and Lucifer were talking to each other, maybe Castiel succeeded. Was Lucifer about to confess he lied and acted bad?

"Nobody is free of sin, my son. Take your time and confess everything." He replied.

"My last confession was almost three years ago. Since then, I have... Lied, once. I have enjoyed violence, alcoholic beverages, I have... Committed reprehensible things on purpose. I have hurt myself on purpose." He kept on going. It was difficult. He wasn't in a "please god forgive me" kind of mood. He was there to speak with Gadreel but couldn't face him directly and the priest knew it.

"What made you come here to seek for forgiveness, son?" The priest asked, glancing at the lattice. He wondered if the lie he was talking about was the one about Zachariah. He heard a slight sigh.

"Lately I... Feel guilty. Not only for all I have done but for the consequences that come with it. Being punished is not... The people I know shouldn't be punished because of my actions." He whispered. "I met this..." He began, not knowing how to talk about Castiel. "He believes in my repentance. He believes in me and I know I'm only going to bring him problems. Because I started to sin a few years ago." He said.

"Do you think that by getting absolution, you wouldn't be a danger for the people around you?" Gadreel asked, concerned about the boy.

"I think that I search remission for myself, I think I am being selfish again."

"Why is that?" The priest asked.

"Because when I met him, I knew that I shouldn't keep him around. I though I tried to make him leave but inside, I didn't want to let him go. And now, he's around a lot. I have... Impure thoughts about him and I like having him around. So I feel guilty. I think I search remission to feel better about my actions." He explained. Gadreel would have like to talk face to face with Lucifer. He was dying to ask him more about the lie but Lucifer wasn't there to talk about that. And he knew that the was talking about Castiel. He didn't know what to think about these impure thoughts of Lucifer, knowing what he meant by that. Was Lucifer really selfish by coming here to feel good or was he doing it because he truly felt guilty? He mentioned he was, was he because it was more than only impure thoughts about the singer? And that he simply didn't want him to have problems?

"I think you search remission because you care about this boy." Gadreel finally answered. "You are just afraid about what you can bring him. Would you feel good if he was suffering because of your meeting?" The priest asked. Lucifer looked down and shook his head, even if Gadreel couldn't see him.

"No, never." He whispered.

"That is because you care. Maybe more than you would like to. You care about people around you and you don't want them to be hurt. You seek for real redemption. Why wouldn't you give it a try? Why are you lying to yourself, saying you're selfish? Maybe the boy doesn't believe in you for nothing." Gadreel said. He heard another sigh and the priest looked down. "God forgives if you truly want him to. If you are doing this for your own good, nothing will come out of it. If you try to gain his trust back, the people around you will not have the problems you're afraid they might get." He concluded. It was clearly more a conversation than a confession but Gadreel was pleased with it. "You can always come here to talk." He finally whispered. He heard Lucifer getting up and slowly opening the door. Gadreel didn't move and a few seconds after, he heard a "thank you" whispered before Lucifer left.

Michael was walking out the back of the church where he was cleaning when he saw Lucifer's silhouette leaving the church. He couldn't believe it. Then, he glanced at Gadreel who was getting out of the confessional, looking at the big and opened door. He didn't know what to think about that. Gadreel saw Michael and after a few seconds, he gave him a smile. 


	11. Flirting 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have a pretty shitty schedule this week so I might be slower to post but I guess it's okay. Anyway, I like this chapter, I didn't know it would turn out like that but I'm glad it did !
> 
> I noticed I had more views and kudos lately, I'm really glad you guys enjoy the story, thanks. :D

"And I really don't know why but he jumped from there! I'm telling you, this guy is reckless, I mean I always knew he was stupid but I wasn't expecting that!" Gabriel said, laughing with Chuck, Castiel and Alfie. They were all sitting in The Roadhouse and Gabriel just told a story from when Lucifer and him were younger and playing at Bobby's. Lucifer wanted to prove he could climb a pile of wrecks with a cape before he jumped to go down once at the top of it. It was Sunday afternoon and Alfie, Castiel and Chuck went directly to the bar after the service.

"Dude, you know what it reminds me of?" Alfie began, elbowing Castiel.

"No, no don't tell, shut up!" This one said, still laughing.

"What is it?" Gabriel asked, excited.

"He did the same thing from a tree when he was thirteen, he broke his leg but it was the best fall I've ever seen!" Alfie said, causing hilarity at the table.

Lucifer walked in the bar and walked towards the table. Alfie became a bit less comfortable but less than he usually was when the guy was around, the others kept smiling and Castiel couldn't help but laugh again, picturing a little Lucifer jumping from the cars with his cape before he land on the ground and ended at the hospital.

"What's going on?" He asked, seeing Castiel trying to restrain his laugh.

"Nothing, we're just contemplating your very good ideas." Gabriel said with a grin. Lucifer shook his head and sat next to Castiel who was at the end of the seat. This one moved a bit against Alfie to let him some place.

"Right, because yours are better, I guess?" Lucifer said. "I mean, it's just my opinion but I wouldn't pay all the bar a round just to have a bag of lollipop."

"Yeah, no shit!" Gabriel said. "That's why I didn't share with you! Tell what you want but they were awesome!" He added, laughing.

"So, how did it go?" Chuck asked, staring at Lucifer. Castiel turned his head towards him. Right, he went at Bobby's to see if he could work at the garage.

"He said he could use some help so I guess it went well." Lucifer said as he shrugged. Jo arrived at the table as they were congratulating Lucifer. "Nah, guys, it's nothing, stop that..." This one said. Inside, he was glad Bobby was letting him work with him and he knew it meant a bit more than what he wanted it to mean. Jo was putting the drinks the four others boys had order. "Um... Jo?" Lucifer asked. This one sighed and looked at Lucifer, ready to hear another innuendo. She was used to it. "Can I have..." Lucifer began, glancing at what the others were drinking. Only Chuck had taken something with alcohol, the others took a coke. "A coke. Thanks." He said, looking at her again. She raised her eyebrows and it took her a few seconds to finally nod, realizing he wasn't taking any alcohol and didn't say anything wrong. As she went back to the counter again, she looked at her mom.

"What's up with him? And since when you don't ask him to leave?" She asked her mother as she was taking Lucifer's coke. Ellen, who was wiping a glass, glanced at Lucifer.

"I don't know why he's acting like that but I don't let him go anywhere if he's with those boys." She said, talking about Alfie and Castiel. "I just want to keep an eye on him." She concluded, Jo glancing at the table.

"So, guys, did you ever heard them sing?" Chuck asked to Gabriel and Lucifer, pointing at Alfie and Castiel with his chin. "They're really good."

"Yeah, Alfie has the voice of an Angel." Gabriel said, smiling at the shy boy, Chuck's arm around his shoulders. "Don't know about the kiddo, though."

"I'd like to hear you sing." Lucifer said at Castiel, turning his head towards him. Since they were all on the banquette around the table, they were close, Castiel really noticed that point when he turned his head towards Lucifer. Since the boy was with them, their knees and their elbows had touched a few times but he didn't mind. He kinda appreciated it. But when he was that close to Lucifer, he was always feeling his cheeks being a bit hotter and his heart was doing something weird in his chest. He smiled shyly.

"Yeah well... Maybe you can come see me at the church next Sunday." He said. Lucifer looked down as he smiled. He glanced at Jo when she put his glass on the table but stared right back at Castiel again. He moved his left arm to put it on the back of the seat behind Castiel.

"Yeah, I'd rather have you directly sing to me." He said with a smirk as he tilted his head. Now, Castiel was blushing. Chuck and Gabriel were trying not to laugh, seeing them like that and Alfie was thinking he was in an alternate universe. Did Lucifer just flirt with Castiel? That wasn't right. But at this point, did Castiel wanted to be right? He needed to have a conversation with the boy. He had also noticed the way Lucifer was looking at his best friend. He didn't really like that. Sometimes, it was like nobody was around, only Castiel. The worst part was that Castiel wasn't even aware of anything. He basically kept doing whatever he was doing without feeling Lucifer was staring at him. He looked like a predator, even if he didn't seem to want to hurt Castiel. Alfie was lost, he couldn't understand the guy. Like Ellen, he was keeping an eye on him. Like almost everyone, actually. Plus, he overheard Raphael and Michael talking, this one having seen the blond in the church a few days before.

"And you, Lucifer, are you gonna sing to him?" Gabriel asked with an amused smile. Lucifer kept staring at Castiel who used the opportunity to look at Gabriel. Lucifer smiled a bit more as he nodded a little.

"Why not." He said calmly before he turned his head in front of him to take a sip of his coke.

"It wouldn't be fair if you don't." Castiel said, even though he already heard Gabriel and Lucifer sing, since they were still a part of the choir when he moved in the town.

"Then I guess I have to do it too." He said, smirking again but staring at his glass this time.

 

☼

 

Once back at the apartment, Lucifer let himself fall on the couch, sighing. He kept his face against the leather, somehow depressed.

"Dude, what was that?" Gabriel asked, laughing as he lift up Lucifer's feet. He sat on the couch, putting his legs on his lap. Lucifer turned his head to be able to talk.

"What?" He asked, closing his eyes.

"Well, I don't know if it was just me but it seems like you tried to flirt with the kiddo all night long." Gabriel said, laughing again.

"Shut up..." Lucifer mumbled.

"It wasn't just you, Gabe." Chuck added, sitting next to Gabriel on the armrest.

"Both of you." Lucifer said, hiding his face again. The couple kept looking at him for a bit before Lucifer moved by himself, sitting at the other end of the couch. "He's not even reacting." He mumbled, annoyed.

"I knew it!" Gabriel said, suddenly excited.

"No shit, genius!" Lucifer said, frowning. "Pretty sure Alfie saw it too. Want a medal?" He asked sarcastically.

"Calm down, Luci. You just need some help to make him understand what you're doing." Chuck said, tilting his head with an amused smile.

"Nah, it's okay. He's probably not interested." Lucifer said.

"What the hell, dude? Didn't you see how he was blushing?" Gabriel asked, frowning. A glance from Lucifer gave him his answer. "Oh my god I can't believe it... Don't tell me you don't see it? Are you blind?" He asked.

"Shut up." Lucifer said, throwing a pillow at him.

"I'm not sure he reacts like that because he gets whathever the fuck you're saying though." Chuck said. It was a well known fact that Castiel was naive and wasn't really good to discern when someone was serious or joking or, in this case, flirting. "I'd say it's just because of the proximity with you but still, it means you have some effect on him."

"It's more likely because you scare him." Gabriel said. He refrained a laugh when Lucifer glanced at him, knowing he would attack if he kept turning his flirting skills into a joke.

"Babe, don't annoy him, he's already desperate enough." Chuck added with a smirk. Lucifer was trying to not act like a dick and then go in his room so he looked in front of him, staring at the black screen of the TV, gritting his teeth.

"Seriously though, you don't need to be subtle with him, Luci." Gabriel finally said. "I don't feel like he's going to get it otherwise."

"So what do you expect me to do?" Lucifer asked, glancing at the couple.

"I don't know, there's a few way to flirt and you probably know that. Let's see, for example, if you want to compliment him, do it explicitly. Like... What do you like about his appearance?" Gabriel asked. Lucifer couldn't remember he already complimented the boy about his eyes since he was totally drunk but he couldn't picture himself telling his friends how he was sometimes distracted by how blue they were. He didn't want to sound like an high school girl with a crush on some boy. He cleared his throat.

"His face. I like that shit." He answered. Chuck giggled and mumbled a "hey d-dude, I really like that... that thing you use as a head", using Lucifer's voice and tone Lucifer was using everytime he was talking with Castiel. Gabriel laughed with him but tried to stop while his boyfriend was dying of laughter because of his own imitation. 

"I-Okay. We will proceed differently." Gabriel said, trying to catch his breath, Chuck still laughing next to him. Lucifer moved to push the guy to make him fall of the armrest but that didn't stop him. Chuck couldn't stop picturing Lucifer trying some dumb pick-up lines on Castiel who couldn't get any of them. The guy had a high pitch laugh now. "Okay, look." Gabriel continued. "Why don't you ask him on a date? I mean a real one, don't lock yourself in your room with him to talk about books or whatever you talk about with him." He explained.

"How could I ask him that? He's not even going to think it's a date!" Lucifer said, crossing his arms as he saw Chuck's head finally emerging from behind the armrest. He frowned at his friend who leaned against the couch, down on his knees on the floor.

"Tell him it's a date. Like... "Would you go on a date with me?" " Chuck said.

"Yeah, sure." Gabriel said, looking at Chuck. This one laughed.

"Man, I-" He began.

"Now you owe me a date." Gabriel said as he patted Chuck's head with a smirk, this one having a lot of fun that day. Gabriel glanced at Lucifer again. "Look at how easy it is."

"You fuckers are already dating! If I ask that, one; he will know my intentions and two; he will probably say no!" Lucifer said.

"Oh, I'm sorry Princess, I didn't know you wanted to go on a date without him knowing it and wondering what's happening when you will be drugging him and tying him up on your bed." Gabriel replied, frowning.

"Right okay, enough." Lucifer said, shaking his head as he stood up. "I'm not asking him that, now you leave me alone." He said, walking towards the entrance to go in the bathroom.

"You will ask him, Luci." Gabriel said with a little smile. "You will, whatever we say, because you have the biggest crush of the planet on him."

"I don't!" Lucifer said aggressively, turning around. Gabriel laughed again and Chuck was smiling all along, sitting at the same place he was on the floor but his back against the couch this time.

"Look at you dude, I've never seen you acting like that." Gabriel added.

"I don't act like anything, stop that, Gabriel!" He said, his tone a bit louder than before. Gabriel sighed, actually pleased by his behavior. Yes, he had a crush. Lucifer wasn't the kind of boy flirting to have someone, he was impolite, making inappropriate remarks and this kind of stuff. Gabriel actually never saw his friend looking the way he was looking at Castiel, he wasn't that calm around anyone else, he wasn't flirting with anyone else, he wasn't close to anyone else than Chuck and him. And it all happened so fast. Of course, he had a crush, he probably drowned in Castiel's eyes the first time he saw him. Well, maybe the second time since he pushed him during the first. It probably all happened when he left them alone to get the pizzas. For that, Gabriel was really proud of himself.

"Whatever." He told Lucifer, getting up. "Don't be too long in the shower because you think about your boyfriend, I'd like to have one with mine." He said, taking Chuck's hand to make him get up before he walked towards his bedroom.

 

☼

 

In the middle of the night, Lucifer still couldn't sleep. Should he really ask the boy for a date? He didn't want Castiel to think he was making fun of him or whatever because of his reputation. Castiel believed in him, maybe he would think he's honest, which he was, and really want to date him. He got out of his bed, barefoot, in his boxers and a black tee-shirt and he left his bedroom. He silently opened Gabriel's to see two shapes against each other. He walked towards the bed, seeing both the boys sleeping. He sighed and thought about going back to his room. He swallowed, pursed his lips and softly pressed Chuck's shoulder. He would have like to talk with Gabriel but he was already waking him up enough lately. He pressed Chuck's shoulder again and this one slowly opened his eyes and yawned.

"Um?"

"Shhh..." Lucifer said. "Chuck, it's me." He whispered. Chuck closed his eyes, frowned, swallowed and then turned his head to see Lucifer.

"Dude?" He finally asked, moving a bit to lay on his back. "What are you doing here? What time is it?" He whispered with a sleepy voice.

"I need to ask you something..." Lucifer said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Chuck yawned again and slowly sat on the mattress before he rubbed his eyes. He then looked at Lucifer.

"Shoot." He said, trying to keep his eyes open.

"Um... You know..." He began, glancing at Gabriel. "You guys... You had a first date and all that stuff..." He said, rubbing his neck. Chuck smirked, glancing at the man asleep next to him. He nodded and looked at Lucifer again.

"Yeah, we did, Lucifer. Are you trying to ask for advice?" He whispered. Lucifer shrugged and looked away.

"It's just... What did you guys do?" He mumbled, still staring at the bedside table. Chuck chuckled and smiled a bit.

"Well... We went to the zoo, actually." He said, Lucifer turning his head towards him. "Hey, don't look at me like that, it was his idea. He planned everything." He whispered, amused. "And everytime he saw an animal, he asked me what kind of horse it was as he was eating candies." He said, smiling even more. Lucifer frowned because of his incomprehension.

"What...?" He whispered and Chuck restrained a laugh.

"The point is, Lucifer, you don't have to choose a nice place or to try to impress him." He explained. "Of course, I already knew Gabriel for a few years when we went on this date but that's how I know this so listen carefully." He said. He could see Lucifer getting a bit closer, very attentive. "You just need to be yourself. I went on this date with Gabe and I understood that all I needed was to be with someone that could make me smile, laugh and feel good for the rest of my life." Chuck whispered with a smile as he tilted his head. Lucifer glanced at Gabriel again. Yeah, his best friend couldn't have been more himself than during this date. He smiled a bit and looked at Chuck again.

"Thanks..." He mumbled before he stood up. "I'm sorry I woke you up." He added, ready to turn around. Chuck couldn't stop thinking he could never understand the way Lucifer was thinking because he was always really unpredictable but he could understand his anxiety.

"Don't force things, don't try to impress him. He's already focused on everything you can say anyway." Chuck said. "Goodnight, Lucifer." He finally whispered before he layed down again. Gabriel moved a bit and Chuck put his arms around him again. He didn't hear anything for almost a minute before finally, Lucifer turned around and got out, closing the door behind him. Then, Gabriel moved against him to turn his body towards his boyfriend. He softly pressed his lips against Chuck's.

" 'love you..." He mumbled, still half asleep.

"I love you too." Chuck said with a smile, pressing Gabriel's body against his.

 

☼

 

The next day, Lucifer was finally working at the garage with Bobby. It was tree in the afternoon and he had his head under a hood. Bobby taught him a lot about cars since the boy was spending a lot of time at his place when he was younger. He had an old and ripped jean and a white shirt, dirty because of his work.

"Lucifer." Castiel said behind him. Lucifer didn't hear, his earphones fixed in his ears. Castiel repeated his name as he put a hand on his shoulder. Lucifer jumped with surprise and Castiel made a little face when he saw his head hitting the hood and felt bad. He saw the boy moving back a bit and taking the towel hanging from his back pocket to wipe his hands on it before he removed his earphones and slowly run his fingers through his messy hair, turning around to see Castiel. "I'm sorry." This one said with a shy smile.

"It's okay, I already hit it three times today." Lucifer said, immediatly meeting Castiel's eyes. This one laughed and Lucifer had a small smile when he saw the boy's eyes narrowing because of that. He cleared his throat. "What are you doing here?" He asked. Castiel scratched his head and showed the book he had in his other hand.

"Bobby told me you were here. I finished the book." He said with a proud smile. Lucifer stayed silent, glancing at the book before he looked at Castiel again with the same small smile as before. He then put the towel back where he took it and got closer to Castiel. Should he ask for the date now? He opened his mouth, ready to ask.

"How was it?" He said, suprising himself. That's so not what he wanted to ask. Castiel looked down at the book and Lucifer tilted a bit his head to keep being able to see the boy's eyes.

"Really, really good, I really liked it..." Castiel began. Lucifer was at first focused on what the boy was starting to explain about what he liked but suddenly, he interrupted him.

"Can we see each other..." He began, Castiel looking at him, surprised. "Somewhere." He said. "One day." He continued. "One day but like this week." He concluded. Castiel had raised his eyebrows. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes a bit, trying to decipher whatever message Lucifer was trying to send him. "I mean... You'd tell me more about the book and... I'd be able to give you another one." He continued, not having any answer.

"Well..." Castiel began, not quite sure about what Lucifer was asking. "You mean, like at The Roadhouse like we do sometimes?" He asked. Lucifer looked down for a second, slowly putting his hands in his pockets.

"Nah... I mean... Just the two of us. Somewhere else. Like... You know... Like... On a date. We could... I'd like to go on a date with you." He finally said. What was wrong with him, since when was he that shy? Castiel was taken aback even more than before. Lucifer slowly looked up but didn't raise his head. He saw Castiel smiling, this one having his heart beating really fast.

"Sure, yeah! I'd really like to... Go on a date with you." He said. He seemed as awkward as Lucifer was but really excited at the same time. Lucifer finally raised his head, smiling.

"Okay, great. I... Um..." He said, scratching the skin behind his ear.

"What about Saturday?" Castiel asked. "I have school and you work so, I mean..."

"Y-Yeah, yeah, Saturday would be perfect." Lucifer answered, a bit more confident.

"Okay then, I see you... Saturday." Castiel said, walking back a bit, ready to leave with a big smile on his face.

"Yeah, or... Or before, you know. At The Roadhouse. With the others." He said as he nodded without purpose. Castiel nodded too and turned around. Lucifer was looking at him as he was leaving before he turned around again.

"Your book!" Castiel said, getting closer to Lucifer. He handed him the book and Lucifer took it, brushing Castiel's hand. They exchanged a look, they stayed silent during a few seconds before Castiel turned around again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I like writing a Lucifer really confident at first but actually awkward as fuck when he really have to be serious and all. That was funny. I hope you liked it, chapters like that are a bit less serious and I feel like it's a good thing. Plus I have fun writing them.


	12. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it's been a while and I don't know what to think about this chapter.  
> First of all, sorry to post only now haha, but school (yaaaay) so I guess you understand.  
> And I wrote this chapter like three times, I kept editing it, I really didn't know if I would finally be done with it. I'll explain some things in the notes at the end. But yeah, here you go. '-'  
> I am sorry for the mistakes, I couldn't check it well because my computer is slowly dying and I can't charge it properly because when I say it's dying, it really is dying, and even if he was able to charge it; I don't have any plug near me for now. I just wanted to post the chapter because it's been a while since the last one.

* * *

_Two years ago..._

* * *

 

An eighteen-year old Lucifer was in the precinct, sitting on a chair next to a desk, handcuffed. He was staring in front of him, his face was illegible. You couldn't tell if he was still angry, if he was afraid, sad or if he just didn't care. Two weeks before, they had buried his mom. Since her death, Lucifer was turning bad, really bad. But the Captain, Rufus, never expected him to beat up the priest. The guy was drunk, clearly, but still, he couldn't understand this anger towards a man who had always helped him. Dean was sitting at the desk next to Lucifer and he was staring at the guy. He saw him growing up, he was a lot at their place since his mother was sick, he was a good boy. He always had been devoted to the church and was helping everyone, smiling and playing with Gabe. He could understand his mother's death affected him but he was shocked. When Sam and Dean lost their father, they were both really depressed for a while but they never acted like that. And what the guy was saying was nonsense. It was probably because of the alcohol. Dean had called Bobby and he was with Rufus, in his office. Dean tilted his head, glanced at Sam who was at the desk in front of him. The younger brother was facing Lucifer's back so he stood up and walked towards the boys in order to be in front of him.

"Luci." He said. Lucifer didn't even look at him. He kept staring in front of him like Sam was invisible. Sam narrowed his eyes, seeing Lucifer's lips moving like he was mumbling things to himself.

"Lucifer." Dean said with a deeper voice, irritated. The boy's lips stopped moving and he slowly glanced at Dean. He wasn't just looking at his interlocutor, he glared at him like he was angry he interrupted him in his thoughts. But he didn't say anything. "What is wrong with you?" Dean almost whispered, narrowing his eyes. Lucifer's expression slowly changed. Dean could see a smile appearing on his lips and Lucifer started laughing. He looked in front of him again, shaking a bit his head as he let his laugh die. He kept a smirk like what Dean had said was a really funny joke. What was wrong with him? He wanted to laugh again but didn't.

"Why did you assault Zachariah, Lucifer?" Sam asked, crossing his arms. He saw Lucifer's eyes slowly looking up to stare at him, the same grin on his face.

"I already told you." He said, insisting on every word.

"No, you talked nonsense."

"I didn't. The son of a bitch touched me. Once again. So I broke his nose and his filthy hands." He said, smiling a bit less.

"You are lying. He never did a thing to anyone. He was there to help you cope with-" Dean began when Rufus and Bobby left the office.

"Why would I lie?" Lucifer shouted as he stood up, suddenly showing his anger again. Dean stood up too , facing the man.

"Enough!" Rufus said angrily. He walked towards them with Bobby.

"Lucifer, calm down now." Bobby said, trying to stay calm. He only got a glare from the young man. "What is wrong with you?"

"Shut up, shut the fuck up!" Lucifer shouted again as he walked towards the man. Rufus quickly put his hands on his shoulders, pushing him back on the chair. Sam and Dean exchanged a glance. They never saw Lucifer like that. Bobby was shocked too, after all he almost raised the boy.

"You stop that, son." Rufus said, angry. "You will stay in a cell tonight." He continued, Lucifer finally looking at him. It looks like he was struggling to not hit one of them too. "You're in trouble, boy." Rufus said as he walked away. "You're lucky Zachariah doesn't press charges, trust me." He said. He heard Lucifer laughing. He turned around to look at him. "What's so funny?" He asked. Lucifer kept laughing, shaking his head as he glanced at Rufus. He then turned his head to the left, looking at the window.

"I should have killed him." He almost whispered. Again, Sam and Dean exchanged a glance.

 

☼

 

Castiel and Lucifer were laying on Lucifer's bed, on their back and their legs were raised against the wall the bed was against. The day had been good, it was actually late now. They mainly talked to know each other better, they had milkshakes and walked a lot, enjoying the weather by staying outside. They didn't need much more. At the end of the day, it started to rain a lot. Since Lucifer's apartement wasn't far from where they were, they just ran there. Gabriel was not there, he was working all night and started two hours before.

After a few seconds, Lucifer broke the silence.

"Medicine." He said at Castiel's surprise.

"Really, how come?" Castiel asked. He didn't think Lucifer would have made this choice for his studies, he didn't seem like he was working a lot but again, it was probably what he wanted people to think because he knew Lucifer liked to learn new things and already knew a lot. He shrugged and smiled a bit.

"I wanted to heal my mom." He said with the same smile. Castiel smiled back.

"Why didn't you go to college? You could help other people." He said. Again, Lucifer shrugged.

"Aaah... I don't know. It's not important, really." He answered and Castiel kept smiling. Lucifer didn't mention the money he kept to go to college, he didn't lie about it either. Castiel was hoping he was keeping it because he still wanted to go.

"So what do you do to fill your time?" He asked. Lucifer shook his head.

"No, come on, you just asked me a whole bunch of questions, I thought it was one after another." He said and Castiel met his eyes again, his beautiful smile stuck on his face.

"Okay. But you answer this one after." Castiel said.

"Promise. So. Where did you live before you came here?" Lucifer asked.

"We used to travel a lot, when my parents were still together. So I didn't live in only one place. I do now because it's the perfect place. There is the church, the school is great..." He looked down before he glanced at Lucifer again. "Some people are really interesting." He met Lucifer's eyes again and this one ended by clearing his throat, turning his head towards the ceiling.

"I like to leave notes in some books in the library. Sometimes with my thoughts on what happened in it and sometimes, just stupid stuff like "This is so depressing, I liked this character, so bad he's dead" when he's not dead at all. The paper is probably what they see first so... But yeah, I guess I just like to mess with people during my free time."

"If I hadn't been... Friend, with Gabriel, would you have mess with me?" Castiel asked, turning his head towards Lucifer's. The blond did the same, looking at Castiel. His eyes slowly moved to look at Castiel's lips. It only last a second, then, he met his eyes again.

"Maybe? I feel like you wouldn't have let me to." Lucifer answered with a different tone, like he was speaking softly. Castiel stared at the ceiling again but Lucifer kept looking at him.

"I wouldn't have let you. I'm sure it would have annoyed you and you would have continued until I snapped."

"But you wouldn't snap."

"Nah. I'm sure one way or another we would have end up here." Castiel said with a smile, turning his head towards Lucifer again, noticing he was still staring at him. Lucifer smiled back and he turned his body to bend over the edge of the bed. He sat down on the mattress after he had taken the box under his bed. He opened it and took the metal box that was in it, handing it to Castiel. The young man took it, looking at Lucifer before he looked down to open it.

"I kept that. Just in case I changed my mind about college. You're right. I already lied, even if I said I didn't need to. I said Gabriel I spent the money selfishly." He said. "I did lie because no good could came out of that. That's what I wanted. So I was honest when I told you that I don't lie if I need something. You believe me, right?" He asked. Castiel looked up at Lucifer.

"Yeah. I do. But why are you telling me that?" He asked.

"Because you need to understand that... Whatever I say, I wouldn't hurt you on purpose." Lucifer said. He knew the boy would learn his story, he was sure of it. They were close now and it wouldn't last long before someone tried to talk Castiel out of their friendship. Or whatever could happen between them, actually. He needed Castiel to know he wouldn't lie. He was scared the boy would act like the others. Castiel closed the metal box and put it back where it was.

"I know you wouldn't." He said, not looking at Lucifer. He took the photos, he was dying to see them once again. "Like I know you're acting like you do not because you're a mean person but because you think you have no other choice." Castiel said. Lucifer had a little laugh at the "mean person" thing. Castiel was so polite. But he had no other choice. He glanced at the clock. He didn't know it was that late.

"Cassie. I should walk you home now." He said. Castiel shrugged, made a face and smile when he saw a photo of Lucifer when he was eight.

"Probably, yeah..." Castiel said, disappointed. The time was flying when he was with Lucifer.

 

It had stopped raining and they were walking silently for a while. Castiel had his hands in his pockets and Lucifer was next to him. They were glancing at each other when the other wasn't but they didn't know what to say. Which was funny since all they had done until that moment was talking. They never stopped, they always had something to say. That was one thing they both appreciated. Castiel was thinking a lot about the meaning of this date. Because Lucifer clearly said it was one. But he didn't try anything. He seemed sometimes closer than he would usually be and Castiel thought he had caught him flirting at some point but he wasn't really good when it came to be aware of this kind of things. He knew it because he had talk about it with Alfie the other day after they spent their time at The Roadhouse with Lucifer, Gabriel and Chuck. So he thought about all of this. Maybe it was for the same reason that Lucifer was doing anything, for this mysterious reason he couldn't talk about. He decided to act. Castiel slowly reached Lucifer's arm. If Lucifer wasn't going to do anything, then Castiel would. Lucifer's body became tense when he felt the other boy's fingers against his arms, slowly moving down to reach his hand. He caught himself smiling a little as he turned his head towards Castiel. Their eyes met and they both slowly joined their fingers together, holding their hands. Their hearts were beating fast as they turned their head to look in front of them. Castiel could feel Lucifer's grip being a bit more tight but it was good. He also noticed that his body was very warm, even with the chilly weather. He wanted to be closer just to feel the heat coming from Lucifer. Castiel wondered if it was because of him, or if it was a normal thing. He then remembered the night Lucifer was in his bed. Just thinking about Lucifer in his bed gave him a pleasant sensation in his stomach. Lucifer in his bed, his body slowly moving because of his breathing, his back muscles in front of his eyes, the urge to touch him, his boxers slowly becoming tight in the middle of the night when he was trying to fall asleep with the man next to him because he couldn't stop thinking about his almost naked body right there on his mattress. His grip on Lucifer's hand became a bit more tight too.

When they arrived in front of Castiel's house, they both wished they would have been slower. They kept holding hands though, in front of each other. It happened slowly but it happened. Lucifer slightly leaned to reach Castiel's face, this one's hand coming to rest on Lucifer's jaw and cheek as their lips met. Castiel closed his eyes first, letting the kiss happening, feeling his body heat increasing as much as his heart did. Lucifer's lips were soft and he liked the contact. Surprisingly enough, he didn't taste nicotine. Actually, the blond didn't smoke in three days, obsessing about the fact he had to be perfect for his date. And he had been damn right. He closed his eyes when he felt Castiel kissing him back. His brain stopped functioning for a moment and he didn't care about his heart about to explode from the stress, the excitation and the joy because he was too focused about the fact Castiel was kissing him. The boy was showing affection with this simple kiss and until now, Lucifer wasn't aware he needed this kind of contact. He already had it in the past but not in this way. Here, he was serious. He wanted to show the same affection and he was afraid he wasn't soft enough for the precious thing Castiel was. When the kiss broke, they stayed close, smiling and Castiel felt Lucifer pecking his lips once. It made Castiel smile even more. He didn't remove his hand from Lucifer's cheek and the other was still in Lucifer's, being firmly hold.

"I had a really good time..." He whispered. Lucifer smiled a bit more.

"Yeah? I'm glad, then. We should do it again." He replied.

"The kissing part or the date part?" Castiel asked.

"Both." 

 

☼

 

The next afternoon, after he went to the church and stayed there to help for a while, Castiel was still smiling like an idiot when he walked into the living room to find his mom looking at him from the couch, tears running down her cheeks.

"M-Mom?" He asked as he walked quickly towards her. "What is it?" He asked, crouching in front of her and putting his hands on her shoulders.

"I don't understand Castiel, why would you do that?" She asked, sobbing. Castiel frowned, he didn't understand.

"What? What did I do, mom?" He asked, trying to stay calm.

"Ellen told me... I ran into her and she told me, Castiel, why would you do such a thing? I asked you not to..." She said, shaking her head. He now understood what she was talking about and he could see how disappointed she was.

"Mom, let me explain, I-"

"No, Castiel! I told you not to talk to him!" She said as she stood up. Castiel did as well, taking a step back.

"Mom, I'm sorry but-"

"I don't want to hear any explanation, he is evil!" She said. Castiel hated when his mom was mad at him. It wasn't happening a lot, that's probably why he was quickly overwhelmed. He opened his mouth but closed it right away. He couldn't justify himself. "I can't believe you did that. I forbade you to approach him!" She said. Castiel felt bad. She was right.

"I'm trying to help him..." He said, looking down.

"He's desperate, Castiel, you can't help someone like that, he's mean, he's violent, he drinks and he did horrible things !" She shouted. Castiel looked up, pursing his lips. "You don't know, do you?" She asked, a bit softer but Castiel could hear her anger. He looked down again and shook his head. "Of course you don't, I never told you and this liar would not come clean with you, why would he? He wouldn't be able to play with you anymore." She said, her back facing Castiel.

"He's not playing, he's really changing..." He said, his mother almost didn't hear him. She crossed her arms and shook her head.

"He is not, Castiel. He will never change because he doesn't want to. He's bad. He's a liar and a bad influence, and now you see him like... Castiel, how can you?" She asked again.

"He didn't do anything to me, mom! He wouldn't, he's not that bad! I know him now, not like you think you know him, he... He tries to stop drinking and he's really nice with me! Why don't you believe me?" He asked, angry too. It wasn't fair, she never gave a chance to Lucifer. "So tell me, mom, why is he so bad? What horrible things did he do for you not being able to tell me? Huh?"

"Why don't you ask your good friend Lucifer? Why didn't you? Don't you think there is a reason he doesn't tell you?" She asked.

"I did ask him mom, he said I wouldn't believe him because no one did!"

"There is a reason why we didn't! Don't you get it? He's trouble! The things he did, the way he hurt Zachariah, he's not good for you!" She shouted. Castiel looked at her. He wasn't used to answer this way when his mother was angry, he would accept to be yell at because he was usually wrong when she was acting like that. He didn't know why he was reacting like that, it was odd but he didn't like the way she was talking about Lucifer. He liked him, way more than his mom could think of. He just had a great day with him and he was hoping they would have another date soon. He really, really liked him, it wasn't fair, why wouldn't he be able to choose who he wanted to see or to date? He walked away. "Castiel, where are you going?" His mother asked, following him.

"Anywhere but here right now." He said before he opened the door. His mom stopped following him, staying at the entrance of the house, looking at her son as he was walking fast to get far from his place.

 

☼

 

Castiel knocked at Lucifer's door with strength, still upset. Gabriel opened and smirked when he saw a breathless Castiel.

"Miss him already?" He asked, amused. Castiel made his way to pass past the man.

"I need to talk to him." He said, walking in the main room to go knock at Lucifer's door.

"Did something happened?" Gabriel asked, concerned about Castiel. Lucifer was in Heaven since the date, it was weird. His door opened and Castiel almost hit Lucifer who stepped back.

"Cassie? What is it?" He asked with a little smile.

"I need the truth. Now." Castiel said. Lucifer slowly lost his smile, understanding what he was talking about. He glanced at Gabriel who was looking at him, worried.

"What is it?" He asked again. Lucifer looked down and sighed. He looked at Castiel and nodded slowly. He should have known he wouldn't be able to keep the truth for himself. He never should have told anyone.

"You probably will not believe me." He said. Castiel opened his mouth but before he could talk, Lucifer raised his head to tell him not to. "I know you will not believe me and I guess it's okay. I guess I deserves it. I just don't want you to hate me." He said, looking down again. Castiel didn't say anything, he was staring at Lucifer. He let Castiel walk in his bedroom and closed the door, glancing at Gabriel. This one gave him a little smile before he walked away. He didn't want to know anyway. This story destroyed everything and was making Lucifer really depressed so he didn't need to know.

Lucifer walked towards his bed to sit on the edge, were Castiel was already waiting. Lucifer's body was warm and his heart was beating fast.

He was about to lose one of the only person he had left, the guy he liked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So at first I thought I would only write about their date but in the end, I just kept changing that because I had a blockage(?). I wanted to add the flashback of the rejection about what Lucifer had to say about Zachariah but I changed that a lot too, also its place in the chapter. But it's the rejection of his confession that triggered his behavior so you know it's a pretty important part of his past that I wanted to put in the story. 
> 
> Again, sorry if I don't post as much as before but I'm really tired, busy and now sick, I'm sure you understand. Thanks for the kudos and for reading my story. <3


	13. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. :D

Lucifer sat next to Castiel. This one could see he was uncomfortable. He softly put his right hand on Lucifer's thigh.

"I'm sorry, Lucifer. I shouldn't force you to tell me but..." He started before he pursed his lips. Lucifer shook his head.

"No, don't worry... You need me to come clean, I guess it's understandable." Lucifer said. He glanced at Castiel. "Did... Anyone told you anything?" He asked. He had noticed Castiel's expression when he opened the door. He didn't look all that angry, more distressed than anything else really. Castiel looked down and he felt Lucifer's hand on his own. He sadly smiled, meeting Lucifer's eyes again.

"I had this fight with my mom..." He said. "Ellen... Told her we were spending time together and she just..." He said before he sighed. Lucifer tilted his head and frowned a little.

"Is she really mad at you?" He asked. That's what he wanted to avoid. Now, Castiel had problems because of him. He saw the boy nodding and he bit his lower lip, his free hand slowly going on Castiel's cheek to make him look up again. "I'm sorry... That's not what I wanted." He said. Castiel gave him a little smile to say he knew Lucifer's intentions were good. He slowly put his fingers around Lucifer's wrist and turned his head to softly kiss the palm of Lucifer's hand, closing his eyes. The blond felt his heartbeat increasing and at the same time, he felt even more bad for Castiel. He felt so guilty. He ran his fingers in Castiel's hair and this one looked at him once again, waiting for Lucifer to be ready to talk. The guy seemed really distracted, touching Castiel at different spots since he was sitting. The thought it was because Lucifer was thinking Castiel would leave as soon as he was done telling his story broke Castiel's heart.

So he let Lucifer take his time, he gave him as much as he needed. Lucifer wasn't even kissing him, just softly touching his cheek, his hair, his hands. Looking at him like he was really precious.

"I..." Lucifer began, searching for his words. He sighed and turned his head to look at the door with a bitter smile. "You know it's about Zachariah, right?" He asked and even if he wasn't looking at him anymore, he knew Castiel nodded. Lucifer finally turned his head towards Castiel again. "Whoever you believe to be the good person here, you will end up feeling betrayed by one of us, Cassie." He said. Castiel swallowed his saliva and nodded again, ready. Lucifer had a sad smile as he tilted his head. "Zachariah... He was... My mom loved him. She relied on him, she trusted him..." He began.

It felt like the silence between every single of his sentences was really heavy. Castiel wondered if Lucifer could hear his heartbeat. He was anxious. Yes, he was ready to hear the truth but he was also really anxious.

"I thought he was..." Lucifer said, frowning because of the lack of words. He laughed. It sounded bitter and sad. He shook his head, looking down. "I never knew my father. This ass left my mom alone when he learned she was pregnant with me. I was an angry kid but Zachariah... He always helped my mom so I was spending a lot of time at the church with him and somtimes, he was coming at our place to eat with us or to talk with my mom. I guess I was... Seeking for a father figure, you know." Lucifer said, laughing again like it had been the dumbest thought he ever had.

He felt Castiel slowly moving his fingers on his thigh to reassure him and Lucifer looked at him again.

"I grew up and I entered the choir so... I was spending an enormous amount of time at the church, even more than before. And my mom got sick for the first time. Brain tumor." He said with a blank look, staring at the floor. He took almost a minute before he looked at Castiel again. "She was still at home during a while but she needed to rest a lot. So... when I wasn't sleeping at Bobby's with Gabriel, I... Zachariah would offer his help and... I was sleeping at his place." Lucifer said. Castiel tilted his head. He was worshiping Zachariah but he would never be able to picture himself sleeping at his old place, even as a kid. "And that's when things started to get weird." Lucifer said with a small smile. He glanced at Castiel, meeting his eyes.

Suddenly, he was afraid again. Could he tell him? The singer had so much faith in Zachariah. He knew the man wasn't touching any of the other kids, even after Lucifer left the church, even if he was growing up and hitting puberty, he kept touching him and only him. Lucifer had told the truth and had been rejected, it was just luck for the priest. Zachariah couldn't risk to have another child telling this kind of things about him. Instead, he left.

Lucifer's eyes were wet but he wasn't crying. He couldn't cry. He felt Castiel's hand on his cheek and his lips softly meeting his. He closed his eyes, letting the boy reassure him. Castiel slowly broke the kiss, Lucifer keeping his eyes closed.

"Keep going, Lucifer... It's okay." He whispered, his forehead slowly resting against the blond's. This one kept his eyes closed during a few seconds, feeling Castiel's fingers in his hair.

"T-The way... He was looking at me... I didn't like that. It was making me... Uncomfortable. Then, when I was staying at his place and I had to bath... He would stay with me in the bathroom. I was twelve, I didn't need anyone with me. And..." He continued before he felt Castiel's fingers softly gripping his hair. He knew the boy had understood what he was trying to say but he needed to say it out loud. "It was just that at first but... Then, I felt embarrassed because... During those times, when he was talking to me, he wasn't looking at my face. I couldn't look at him in the eyes because... He was looking at my body..." He almost whispered, his voice breaking at the end and he looked down. The hand on his thigh was also pressing this part of his body because Castiel was tense. "I felt embarrassed so I knew it wasn't something that was supposed to happen." He said. Castiel opened his mouth to say something, moving his head backwards to look at Lucifer. He finally closed his mouth, looking down. "No, he didn't touch me..." Lucifer said. Castiel looked at him again. "Not at that time, Cassie." Lucifer said feeling a bit dizzy, his cheeks becoming warmer and his heartbeat increasing. Castiel could see something broken in Lucifer's eyes.

Castiel stood up. It was hot in there, was it normal? He walked towards the window but didn't touch it. He stared at the sidewalk outside and at the kids playing around down there. He thought it was so much easier to be a child, to be oblivious about everything. Then, he thought he was wrong. He was wrong because there were kids like Lucifer. Kids without their father because this one never wanted them. Kids with a sick parent that coud suddenly leave them. He shivered when he thought about the abused kids. He crossed his arms to comfort himself. He didn't want to believe it happened. He knew Lucifer wasn't done yet but facing him was difficult. How Zachariah could have done things like that? He couldn't have abused a kid. Never. Not Zachariah. He was such a good soul... Castiel slowly dried one of his eyes. He couldn't cry either. If it happened, Lucifer was so strong. Castiel wasn't allowed to cry.

Lucifer was staring at Castiel's back. He knew Castiel was probably lost but he couldn't take him between his arms to comfort him, not in this moment full of doubts. But that was all he wanted to do. He wanted to have his arms around the boy and tell him it was okay even if it wasn't okay at all. Like his mom used to do when he was visiting her at the hospital and that he was laying next to her. She was always telling him it was okay, that she was fine, even if nothing was the way it should have been. Lucifer never believed it was okay, actually, but during those times, he knew he wasn't alone. Even if she didn't know what was going on with Zachariah. Even if no one knew.

"I grew up... My mom... We thought she was fine. So she came back home. She noticed I was uncomfortable around Zachariah but I told her everything was fine. I couldn't tell her what was happening. Maybe it was nothing, you know, maybe I just thought he looked at me in a inappropriate way when he wasn't. So I just shut up and I let her invite him to dinner to... Thank him and spend time with him. Then, one day she told me Zachariah said I could go sleep over if I wanted to. I didn't dare to say no, she would have ask why and... I couldn't tell her." Lucifer said.

He glanced at the frame on his bedside table. Her smile was magnificent for Lucifer. His mother was one of the most beautiful creature this planet ever had and he wasn't surprised the Angels wanted her around that soon. He glanced at Castiel's back again.

"So I went. I was... Almost fourteen at the time." He said. "And he came to me that night. He talked with me. He sat on the bed and talked to me. He told me I was... Beautiful. Good. That I was precious and pure." He said with a laugh that made him sound really tired. "I felt his hand on my thigh." He continued, still looking at Castiel. This one wanted the truth so he didn't interrupt him and he listened. Lucifer's voice had a different tone, a weird one. It sounded like he was exhausted, his voice was shaking and he wasn't very loud. Castiel didn't like that. "He kissed my cheek. The corner of my lips. He told me it was okay and that he loved me." Lucifer said.

Castiel slowly closed his eyes, revolted. It was disgusting.

"When he left, I wanted to throw up. Now tell me, is something that makes me feel this way okay?" He asked, not searching for an answer.

"Tell me that was it." Castiel said with a shaky voice. "Tell me he didn't go further." He asked, almost begging. He was clearly trying to restrain his tears. Lucifer felt the same dizziness he felt before and he looked down.

"When I was sixteen..." He whispered. He heard a sob coming from Castiel and he stood up, walking towards the boy. He softly put his hands on his shoulders and made him turn around, pulling Castiel against himself. Castiel grabbed Lucifer's shirt and hid his face against his neck.

"That's not possible... Tell me you're lying, please..." He begged.

"Cassie..." Lucifer whispered. He kissed Castiel's head and ran his fingers through his hair. Castiel raised his head, looking at Lucifer, tears in his eyes.

"No, I-I don't care anymore! Tell me it's a lie, I want it to be a lie!" He said louder before he let his forehead rest against Lucifer's shoulder. This one had his arms around Castiel's body.

"I'm sorry..." He said. He heard another sob and felt Castiel's body shaking in his arms. "I am so sorry..." He whispered. It wasn't it.

"I stopped going to the church after he... My mom had a relapse and... I knew it was serious. I just knew it. Since I left the church, people started to think I wasn't believing anymore. Well, I wasn't, really, but... I just ran away. I was lost. Zachariah kept coming at the hospital or to me so they thought he was helping me going through all of that to make me come back. They thought all he was doing was helping me since the beginning..." He whispered. Castiel sniffed and slowly put his arms around Lucifer's neck, his head still on his shoulder. "Then, two years later... My mom, she... She..." He tried to say it but he couldn't. He never said it because he didn't want to accept it, even after a few years. "I hit the bottle. Hard." He said. Castiel slowly raised his head, looking at Lucifer. His cheeks were wet and his eyes were red. Lucifer slowly dried them. "I went back to the church one day. I was angry. I... Was drunk. I was talking to God, I was asking him why he would let those things happen if he was really there. I couldn't understand. I still can't. That's why I don't know if I can believe again, Cassie." Lucifer said, staring at Castiel. This one didn't say anything, he kept looking at Lucifer. It was so hard to believe Zachariah was someone like that. "Zachariah was in the back of the church, cleaning with Michael. So they heard me. Zachariah came to talk to me." Lucifer said, looking down. "I already began to do things you know, to drink, to fight, people were avoiding me." He sighed. "He wanted me to calm down but... When he touched my shoulder, I just..." He said. Then, he laughed, he looked at the ceiling for a few seconds, feeling his eyes stinging as he but his lip. Then, he looked at Castiel again. "I snapped." He said. "Next thing I knew, I broke his nose and at least one of his hands."

Castiel remembered the bruises. He never knew what happened, Zachariah told the choir that he had been assaulted in the street but the adults knew. He didn't press any charges against Lucifer.

"Michael came from the back and... He tried to stop me, I think I hit him too. I don't really remember and I never talked to him again. But he called the cops. They didn't believe me when I told them why I did that. I mean, I drank my ass off that day and they knew I was fighting a lot and creating problems to some people. So they just..." Lucifer said, looking away. It all made so much sense to Castiel now. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to change Lucifer's situation.

"Lucifer..." He said, putting one of his hands on his cheek. Lucifer looked at him again, obviously embarrassed. He was feeling dirty again because of the memories. He suddenly wanted to take a shower, he had the impression he could feel Zachariah's hands on him again. Castiel looked down a second before he met Lucifer's eyes again. "It's... I..." He tried to say.

"It's okay if you don't believe me..." Lucifer said. Castiel could tell he wasn't okay with that fact but that he wanted Castiel to believe what he wanted to believe. Probably because even if it was the truth, Lucifer was tired and didn't want to spend his time to try to convince people anymore, knowing they wouldn't trust him. Plus, he didn't want pity. He didn't need to hear he was believing him. So, Castiel slowly leaned towards Lucifer and kissed him again, softly. Lucifer shyly and clumsily kissed him back.

"I'm going to stay here tonight, Lucifer." He whispered calmly. "I'm going to stay with you, alright?" He said. Lucifer nodded a bit, not saying anything. He kept looking at Castiel's eyes. "Tomorrow, I will have to go back at my place. I will have to apologize to my mom..." He said even if now, he knew she was wrong. Lucifer had never been a danger for Castiel. He never lied either. "It'll be hard to keep seeing you but... I don't want to stop." He whispered and Lucifer felt like crying. "Lucifer... Zachariah comes back in a week..." He added, closing his eyes. "What are you going to do?" He asked.

"Nothing..." Lucifer said softly. "I don't want to do anything... You need to let the things as they are, Cassie. If you don't, you will have problems... Just... I don't want to think about it... I just want to enjoy my time with you right now." He said, softly pressing Castiel against him. Castiel was feeling so bad for Lucifer. He pressed his lips against Lucifer's jaw, his fingers caressing the Lucifer's neck before he kissed it.

"Come on..." Castiel whispered, taking Lucifer's hand. He walked towards the bed and sat down, pulling Lucifer towards him. Lucifer leaned to kiss Castiel's lips, his hands on his cheeks. They exchanged soft kisses before Castiel slowly licked Lucifer's lips. Their tongues met and Lucifer slowly climbed on the bed, on his knees, Castiel leaning backwards to slowly lay on his back. They kept kissing each other, Lucifer slowly laying on Castiel, paying attention to not compress the boy against the mattress. Castiel's hands were on Lucifer's waist, slowly moving up and under the boy's t-shirt to feel the heat of his body. He really liked to feel how warm Lucifer was in any situation. He also liked the contact with Lucifer's skin. He felt Lucifer's lips slowly going down on his jaw and his neck and he also felt a change in his own breathing. Lucifer's hand also went under Castiel's shirt, softly touching his skin. Lucifer raised his head, looking at Castiel like he was trying to read an answer on his face. Then, he slowly removed his own shirt before he came back against his boyfriend's body. He heard a little but pleasant sigh when his leg went between Castiel's and they shared some kisses again. Castiel let his hands discover Lucifer's chest and he let Lucifer discover his neck with his lips. Lucifer slowly made them roll on the mattress to have Castiel on him and he slowly pressed Castiel's body against his. They didn't want to have sex after such revelations but the contact was what they needed. Castiel wanted to be loving with Lucifer. He slowly stood up, Lucifer looking at him and Castiel slowly removed his pants and his white shirt. Lucifer did the same with his pants when Castiel came back on the bed.

The found each other arms under the covers, each other heat and their lips met once again.

 


	14. Bearings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's been a LONG time since the last chapter I posted. I'm sorry for that, I really couldn't write anymore and it's slowly coming back for my two stories. So yeah, that's something I guess. I hope I'll be able to post more often again but I'm going to start working next week and everything so it might take some of my time. I also spent some of this time totally correcting this story to remove the mistakes in the other chapters and everything, it was soooo long I couldn't believe it.  
> Anyway, I hope you will enjoy this chapter, it's exactly 7114 words long, I made it longer to make up for the wait.

Later the same day, Lucifer wasn't able to sleep. They stayed in bed, they didn't leave each other once. They knew they wouldn't be able to act this way for a while after that, not without a solution to their problem. They didn't talk much. They kissed, they cuddled and simply reassured each other. Lucifer had asked Castiel if he wanted to eat something but this one said he wasn't hungry. Castiel wasn't really sure about that but he didn't feel like eating. Neither did Lucifer. So they stayed in his bedroom and after a while, Castiel fell asleep. He was exhausted and it was understandable, with all that happened that day. But even if Lucifer was tired, he couldn't fall asleep. He was laying on his back with way too much thoughts coming in his head. He couldn't shut his brain down. He was staring at the ceiling like it would help but of course, nothing was happening. He was still worried, so anxious that he wouldn't be able to focus on anything during the next week. Then, Zachariah would be back. And already before that, he wouldn't be able to see Castiel anymore. Was it the last moments they had together?

Lucifer glanced at Castiel, asleep next to him. He wasn't in his arms anymore, instead, Castiel was hugging the blanket like his life was depending on it. Lucifer had a soft smile and didn't mind letting him all of the blanket instead of his body. He was able to watch over him. Because that's all he wanted to do, make sure he was okay. Because he wouldn't be able to do that anymore for a while. He wasn't surprised when he felt tears running down his cheeks. He didn't want to lose the only person who was able to stay with him after hearing his story.

* * *

 2 years ago

* * *

  
Lucifer was still sitting on the same chair, staring at the bed. The hospital room was the same but the bed changed. It was empty, there were not even sheets anymore. He couldn't tell since when he was sitting down but since it was darker outside, he probably spent his day in the room. No one bothered him, even if he was supposed to leave the room. They took care of his mom's body during the morning and he didn't move since then. He stayed there, he didn't look at the nurses or the doctor when they came talk to him. So they gave up after some time.

Lucifer gritted his teeth, feeling his eyes burning again. He was pale, his eyes were red and you could see traces of tears on his cheeks.

So that was it. He was alone. And he was full of resentment. He lost everything throughout the years. And there were things he also never had, like a real dad. Then, he lost his trust in Zachariah, he lost his faith, and now he lost his mother. He wasn't able to keep anything. He was to clumsy for that. If he had been more careful, maybe it wouldn't have happened.

He slowly looked down as his heart ached. His eyes were suddenly filled with tears as he thought about his mom. How happy they were, just the both of them. When she was waking up next to him because even at fourteen he was sleeping in her bed. She was smiling as soon as she was seeing him. He coudln't make this image leave his head. He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, feeling his tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt weak. Why was he crying? He couldn't cry, he didn't cry until now. Not in a public space.

Crying was only allowed when he was alone in the dark, without anyone to see his shame. 

Bobby startled him when he put his hand on his shoulder. Lucifer raised his head, looking at the man. Lucifer's face was wet and his head was hurting. He had to get out, finally, after having spent all day in his mother's last home. 

"Lucifer..." Bobby said, his heart breaking when he saw Lucifer like that. "I'm sorry..." He said, looking down. He still had his hand on Lucifer's shoulder and this one slowly got up. Bobby glanced at him but he was surprised by Lucifer's answer. 

"No, you're not." Lucifer said. He almost whispered but Bobby clearly heard him. He frowned a bit, knowing Lucifer was probably confused and angry. 

"Lucifer, I-"

"Nobody is." Lucifer said. Bobby became blurry because of the tears in his eyes and Lucifer moved a bit backwards for Bobby to remove his hand from his shoulder. Lucifer sniffed and dried his eyes with his sweater's sleeve. He had a sob and he gritted his teeth. He didn't need pity. And why would they give any to him? They were all the same, weren't they? Monsters. He felt a shiver down his spine and he simply walked away. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't need anyone around him, he was able to take care of himself, he always had been. Or was he? His mom died after all, didn't it mean that he couldn't take care of her? So how could he take care of himself? 

He was crossing path with nurses, patients and doctors. He didn't like this place, it was making him dizzy. He didn't like their faces and he didn't like the smell of this building. He didn't take the elevator, he bursted out in the stairs and arrived as fast as he could in the entrance of the hospital. He ran outside and let the wind hit his face, he let the raindrops being mixed with his tears as he took deep breaths. But he didn't stop for long, he had to escape this place. 

But to go where? He had nowhere to go anymore. He stopped running. It was later than he expected to be. But since when was he running? A few minutes? An hour? He was breathless, he was soaked because of the rain and he couldn't take it anymore. He heard some rumbling in the sky and he raised his head. 

"I have nowhere to go and it's all your fault!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. "You took me everything! You took her everything! How could you do this to us?" He screamed before he ran his hands through his wet hair. His legs were weak but he couldn't give up. He cried, looking at the sky. The rain was covering his sobs. They lied to him. God wasn't loving everyone, he couldn't possibly love him. If he did, Lucifer wouldn't have to live through all of that. "You never answered! I prayed for you! Again and again! You just don't care! All I needed was a sign that you were there! She didn't deserve that!" He shouted, his voice breaking before he let himself fall on his knees, still crying. 

Again, he felt hands on his shoulders. He raised his head to see Gabriel. He didn't understand but he let his friend take his head between his hands. 

"Finally, I found you..." Gabriel said. His anxiety was visible on his face. He was soaked with water too. Lucifer wondered how he actually found him but he looked down again. 

Bobby had called Gabriel to explain the situation to him. He told him about Lucifer's mother, he told him Lucifer ran away, that he wouldn't find him by himself and Gabriel said he might know where he would be. Lucifer didn't even noticed that he ran to the church. It was dark and he was way too confused to know where he was. But even if he lost all his faith, the church was the only place he was blindly going to when he was lost. Even if he thought God abandonned him and his mother, he was going there. 

Lucifer met Gabriel's eyes, his chin shaked and he lost it once again. He cried his eyes out in Gabriel's arms, under the rain and on the ground.

☼

Two days had past since the night Lucifer and Castiel shared and it was already difficult. They were both surprised by that fact, they didn't expect that the need of each other would be so big. But in a way, it was understandable. After what Castiel had learned, he had no one to talk about it, he wasn't seeing things like he was always doing. It was weird to sit on the bench of the church with the others now. He was seeing everything with a new perpective. He was lost and wanted to be with Lucifer again. And for Lucifer, it was more fear than anything else. They were texting each other but would they be able to see each other again? And even if they could, would Castiel come back to him? Maybe he would change his mind by himself or maybe those hypocrite would try to change it. And Zachariah was about to come back, what if Castiel chose to confront him? He couldn't let Zachariah approach him in these circumstances. 

Lucifer's phone rang on the table and he got up from the couch where he was sitting next to Gabriel. They were waching TV but Lucifer wasn't really into the show, he was lost in his thoughts. He took his phone to see an unknown number and he frowned a little before he picked up.

"Hello?" He said, glancing at the TV from where he was standing. 

"Lucifer, it's nice to hear your voice. It has been a while." The man at the other end of the line said. Lucifer's heart skipped a beat and his body was suddenly as weak as it was burning. He could recognize this voice in any situation, it was Zachariah. He walked away to go in his room, his hands shaking. Lucifer closed the door behind him and slowly leaned against it. 

"Ho-how did you get this number?" He asked. He should hang up, not talk. He should definitely hang up. Shouldn't he? He didn't want to talk to him. But how did he get his number? And why was he calling him? Just to torment him? He had too much questions but he couldn't bear hearing Zachariah's voice. 

"Don't worry about that, Lucifer. I need to talk to you but you didn't answer the last time I tried to call you." Zachariah said. He sounded very serious. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes when he realized that Zachariah was the one calling him the day after he had this big nightmare. He was glad he didn't answer at that moment. It would have make things even worse than they were now. But it also meant that Zachariah was trying to talk to him for a while now. Maybe Lucifer was the only reason he was coming back. 

"I don't want to talk to you, how dare you calling me?" Lucifer asked, angry and nervous.

"Why don't you just listen, then?" Zachariah said with a soft voice. That was always the way he was talking to Lucifer. But it wasn't calming Lucifer down, he was disgusted to see the man didn't change, not even a bit. He didn't deserve any favor, why would Lucifer listen to him? Zachariah probably felt that Lucifer wasn't willing to listen. "Don't hang up, Lucifer. I just have to ask you something. That's it. I promise." He said. Lucifer felt like he was about to throw up. 

"Not to say anything when you come back? Don't worry, they still don't believe me, I'm still a pariah." He said aggressively. Zachariah ruined his life. If he had to cross path with him, Lucifer would probably beat him up once again. 

"Lucifer, please, calm down." Zachariah said. Lucifer thought he had some nerve to act this way with him. But after all the years of abuse, Lucifer still had a hard time to not listen to him. He used to be so afraid and ashamed that he was always listening to everything Zachariah was saying. When he rebelled, it was a surprise for the both of them. The alcohol helped at that time, obviously. Here, Lucifer was distraught. He removed his phone from his ear, staring at the screen, at the number, at the time slowly changing. His thumb moved towards the hang up symbol but he stopped when he heard Zachariah's voice. "Did you tell anything to anyone else? There are rumors here." Zachariah said. Lucifer gritted his teeth. "All I did was taking care of you and now, I might have problems. Did you do anything, Lucifer?" 

His heart was beating so fast. No, he didn't do anything. He didn't want to see Zachariah ever again so he gave up. He had been a coward. His jaw was hurting because of the way he was gritting his teeth and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He slowly put the phone near his ear again, opening his eyes and staring at the wall in front of him. 

"I didn't." He said calmly. He was so angry, his tone was cold and Zachariah could hear it. 

"How do you explain th-" Zachariah started to asked but Lucifer interrupted him. 

"But I wish I did. I hope you will be thrown in jail and that you will rot there." He said before he finally hung up. He wanted to throw his phone across the room, he wanted to punch something but he didn't. He needed his phone to talk to Castiel. It was their only way now. And he was so afraid. He didn't want Zachariah to come back. His phone rang again but he directly hang up.

He waited a minute to see if he was calling again before he leaned a bit more against his door as he sighed. Then, he slowly walked towards his bed to sit down on the edge, staring at the wall in front of him. That's when he noticed the way he was shaking. He couldn't face Zachariah ever again. 

Lucifer looked up when he heard his door being opened and he saw Gabriel walking in. He gave him a little smile before he looked at his phone again. Gabriel sat down next to his friend, still silent for now. It was enough. It was time for them to have a talk. 

"Lucifer... I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you are not going to tell me what's wrong, right?" Gabriel asked, turning his head towards his friend. Lucifer didn't look at him. "Right. It would take away all the fun from guessing." Gabriel said when he saw that Lucifer wasn't about to talk. 

Lucifer pursed his lips. He was hiding so much things, it was now difficult to act like nothing was going on. And Gabriel wasn't stupid, he knew something was off since a long time now. 

"Is it about Castiel?" Gabriel asked. He knew that Lucifer didn't see him since their talk. But Gabriel also knew that they were still talking so in a way, he was reassured, he still had faith in Castiel. When he asked about him for the first time after this famous talk, Lucifer mumbled something about Castiel being in trouble or something like that. Gabriel didn't ask more, Lucifer seemed quite depressed. But this time he wouldn't give up, he wanted to know more. He was surprised when Lucifer answered him, even if he didn't say what he expected him to say. 

"Why don't we go away for a while?" Lucifer asked, turning his head towards Gabriel with a little smile. Gabriel frowned a bit, tilting his head. "What?" He asked with a soft voice. 

"I just think that... We could spend some time away. Far from here." Lucifer said with the same smile. Gabriel didn't like this expression on Lucifer. 

"Luci, dude... We can't." He said. 

"But why?" Lucifer asked, making Gabriel frowned even more. 

"For various reasons... We have to work, we don't have the money, we-"

"We have the money." Lucifer said, moving to crouch near his bed. He took the box under it and gave it to Gabriel. "Come on, let's go. I just want to go. We will come back. Just... For a few weeks, a month maybe. Come on, Gabe..." Lucifer begged, sitting again next to his friend. 

Gabriel was staring at the box on his lap before he opened it. 

"What are you talking about? It's nonsense..." He mumbled as he looked inside. He knew those photos, he saw them already but he didn't know Lucifer still had them. But when he saw "College" writen on the other box, he understood. "Luci..." He whispered. He then slowly turned his head towards Lucifer. This one was clearly about to cry. "We're not gonna do that, Luci. I'm sorry." He said reluctantly. Lucifer looked like he was lost, like he couldn't understand why Gabriel was refusing.

"Why not?" Lucifer asked again. His voice was shaking, as well as his chin. Gabriel had a very soft but sad smile as he met Lucifer's eyes. 

"Because running away from your problems is never going to solve them." He said. Lucifer slowly looked down at his hands. He then felt Gabriel's fingers pressing his arm. "You need to talk about it. And you know that you can tell me anything. So why don't you talk a little? I'm just going to listen." He said. Lucifer pursed his lips again before he shook his head, still looking down. "So tell me why you want to suddenly leave." He said. This time, Lucifer looked at him again. 

"I don't want to see Zachariah ever again..." Lucifer whispered. Gabriel stayed stoïc as he stared at his friend for a few seconds. That's when he realized what was the expression Lucifer had. He was scared. 

"Nobody force you to see him, Lucifer." Gabriel said. 

"No but you don't understand..." Lucifer said as he stood up to take a few steps away from Gabriel. This one was now looking at his back. 

"You're not explaining yourself to me, Lucifer, I can't understand." He said. An odd silence slowly filled the room as Gabriel was waiting for his friend to talk again.

"Zachariah will force me..." Lucifer whispered. Gabriel raised his eyebrows, waiting for the following, which never came. So, he stood up and walked towards Lucifer. Once in front of him, he put his hands on his best friend's shoulders. 

"Look at me, Lucifer." He said. Lucifer finally looked at him again, his chin shaking. 

"He always forced me..." Lucifer whispered, his voice breaking a little. Then, Gabriel heard a sob from his friend and felt Lucifer's head resting on his shoulder. He slowly moved his arms to hold his friend, trying to ignore the way his heart was beating because of what he might have understood. "He's coming for me..."

* * *

2 years ago

* * *

Lucifer was standing in front of his mother's grave, an almost empty bottle of alcohol in his left hand. He was tired and it was visible. He was pale because he didn't see the sun during the week before the funeral, neither during the two following weeks. He stayed locked up and he didn't really talk to Gabriel either. This one didn't want to leave him alone and he was checking if Lucifer was at least eating. He even helped him to put on his suit for the funeral. His hair had been a bit messy on his head even if Gabriel tried to do something for Lucifer to look presentable. His tie was loosened because he had the feeling he couldn't breathe properly because of it.

And now, two weeks after, he was drunk again. He didn't exactly remember when he started drinking, was it that morning? At least, he was outside. His mother probably wasn't really proud. But for once, Lucifer didn't care. He was broken. He had been for a long time but now, it was even worse. He had lost all of his bearings. He didn't know what to do or where to go so he ended up drinking. And for the first time since years, he felt almost good, his thoughts were too blurry to really know what was going on anymore.

He didn't know if his mother was in a better place. Was Heaven a better place? How could he be sure of that, since God was allowing those kind of things to happen? It was God's fault if everything happened, wasn't it? It was clear for Lucifer. So he walked out of the cemetery to go to the church, it wasn't far away. He wasn't walking properly but he didn't care if someone was seeing him. Really, he coudln't care less. 

He clumsily climbed the steps in front of the church and walked in. It was empty since the funeral. He walked between the rows, which were full of people that morning. He stopped when he reached the first row and he looked up at the cross on the wall. He had a sigh before he laughed. 

"You don't care about any of us, huh?" He asked, still looking at the cross. Again, he laughed and shook his head. "It's not surprising me anymore anyway." He mumbled before he sniffed. He raised the hand he was holding the bottle with and he examined what was in it. Almost nothing was left. He took a sip, closing his eyes before he wipped his lips with his sleeve. "What do you have against me?" He shouted as he suddenly threw the bottle in front of him, a bit under the cross. It exploded against the wall, pieces of glass falling on the floor. The alcohol, as for it, got a stain on the wall. Drops were running down the white paint.

The noise alerted Zachariah and Michael, who were in the back of the church. The priest came out of the room and Michael stayed at the door of this one, watching his drunk friend. 

"Lucifer! What are you doing?" Zachariah asked, shocked by his actions. He was walking quickly towards the young man and this one stared at him. 

"And you...! You're even worse, don't approach me!" He shouted, taking a few steps back. He almost lost his balance but pressed his hand on a bench to stay on his feet.

"Lucifer... Come on, calm down." Zachariah said, way softer. "I know you're hurt but it's not a reason to act this way." He said, trying to stay calm. And the way he was talking was only making Lucifer angrier. 

"You can't tell me anything!" Lucifer said. Zachariah stopped walking and raised his hands a little. 

"Look, I'm not doing anything. Calm down Lucifer, we will talk." He said. Lucifer narrowed his eyes. 

"Yeah, talking is what you do best, right? Fuck you." Lucifer said. 

Behind Zachariah, still at the door, Michael was anxious. He had a hand on his pocket, feeling his phone. He was wondering if he should call somebody. Bobby, maybe? Should he intervine? He was watching Zachariah trying to reason with Lucifer but he didn't know what to do. He was actually afraid for the priest, Lucifer sounded furious. Michael was sad for his friend but could he let him act this way? Zachariah had approached Lucifer a bit more. The young man looked like he didn't know what to do. It seemed like he didn't want Zachariah to approach him but he also looked like he couldn't move.

"I'm here for you, Lucifer. You know that." Zachariah was saying softly, walking towards Lucifer. This one wasn't moving anymore. His teeth were gritted but he was filled with fear now. Why did Zachariah had to be there? Lucifer was used to listen to the man without questionning anything, too afraid to be touched after. Even drunk, the man had some influence on him. Lucifer hated that but he was conditionned to be still when Zachariah was around. He was like a prey at the mercy of its predator. "I'm here to help you, not to hurt you." Zachariah said. 

Lucifer closed his eyes during a few seconds. His head was spinning and he wondered if he wasn't about to fall on the floor. He then opened his eyes again only to see Zachariah near him. He took a deep breath, feeling his chin shaking again. 

"Don't approach me... I'm begging you..." Lucifer almost whispered. He was exhausted and about to cry, he didn't need Zachariah and his thoughts weren't clear; he didn't know himself how he would react to the man's touch. Most of all, he was afraid and sad. Zachariah was sure of what he was doing. He had control on the boy, he would listen to him. He needed to touch him and the boy would sit on one of the bench with him. 

That's when he decided to softly press Lucifer's shoulder. Lucifer suddenly felt sick, ashamed and more angry than before if that was even possible. The thought of Zachariah's hand on him was infuriating. 

Lucifer pushed Zachariah's arm away. He told him not to approach him, he told him but did he listen? Lucifer was losing his mind, he was controlled by his rage. Next thing he knew, he was punching Zachariah right in the nose. The priest fell on the floor. Lucifer didn't know he had so much strenght but it was finally time for him to give Zachariah what he was deserving. He didn't wait before he unleashed his anger, showering Zachariah with blows. 

During that time and as soon as Lucifer punched Zachariah for the first time, Michael decided he had to call Rufus and not Bobby. He somehow hoped that Lucifer wouldn't be bitter because of that but he had to do the right thing. And for him, the right thing was calling the cops to arrest Lucifer for this assault. When he hung up, he didn't wait to run towards the man to try and stop Lucifer. He came behind him, put his hands on his shoulders and pulled him. 

"Lucifer, stop that!" He shouted. Lucifer was trying to stay above Zachariah, he didn't think the priest had enough. But now, even Michael was against him. So, after a moment, he let Michael pull him only to turn around once he was up, punching Michael too. The young man fell on the floor. 

Michael felt blood coming from his nose as he looked up to see Lucifer. He looked so angry. Zachariah was barely moving on the ground. 

"Lucifer..." Michael said, a bit stunned. "Stop that..." He begged his friend. 

☼

The same day Lucifer got the phone call from Zachariah, Castiel thought a lot about the situation. Now, it was the evening and he was in his pajamas, sitting on his couch and thinking about it again. It wouldn't leave his mind. He couldn't confront the priest. He couldn't tell Gadreel. He couldn't tell Alfie either. He wasn't even thinking about telling it to his mom. No one would believe him. No wonder Lucifer was sure Castiel himself wouldn't believe him. In a way, Castiel still had doubts. He probably just didn't want to believe everyone would have punished Lucifer when he was innocent. And he didn't want to believe Zachariah could have done something like that. That God would let Lucifer live that. 

He turned his head towards his phone on the armrest when it rang. He looked at the message he just got. 

"I'm here." Said the message.

He got up from the couch to walk towards the front door. His mom was asleep so he didn't make any noise. He opened and automatically shivered, giving Alfie a small smile. 

"Alfie." He whispered to greet his friend. Alfie was smiling, all dressed and with a jacket on. Castiel moved a bit on the side to let his friend walk in. He was actually waiting for him. Alfie had forgot a book there after he came to study with Castiel. His mother wouldn't let him stay too much at the Roadhouse because she was afraid he would see Lucifer there. Even if Ellen was the owner, Gabriel was still working there. Castiel's mother was worried about her son's company. Still, it was really late in the evening.

Castiel closed the door and they walked in the living room, Castiel taking Alfie's math from the little table in front of the couch before he sat on it, handing the book. Alfie took it, staring at his friend. 

"So... How are you doing?" Alfie asked, whispering too. Castiel shrugged, leaning on the couch and looking in front of him. 

"Good. Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, glancing at Alfie with the same small smile as before. 

"Because everyone is talking about it..." Alfie said, tilting his head as he pursed his lips. Castiel slowly closed his eyes when those words resonnated in his ears, gritting his teeth. 

"It's not like I could do anything about that." Castiel finally said, looking at his friend again.

"I'm not saying that you should do anything, Cas. I'm just saying... They all think you're gonna be like them..." Alfie said. 

"They're not like anything, I already told you." Castiel said, rolling his eyes as he turned his head to stare at the black screen of the tv.

"Cas..." Alfie said with a pleading tone. 

"If you're about to lecture me too, no thanks, I've had my fair share of that." Castiel said as he sighed. 

"No Cas, I'm not going to lecture you." Alfie mumbled, looking away. He pursed his lips again as he slid the hand not holding the book in his pocket. Castiel glanced at him, studying his friend's expression. He seemed preoccupied. "It's just that... I don't know what to think anymore about this situation." He finally said before he sighed. He wasn't looking at Castiel anymore, like he was annoyed by that fact. Castiel narrowed his eyes, still staring at him. 

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked. 

"But I don't even know what to say, Cas." Alfie said, looking at the book in his hand. "My mom keep telling me to be careful and that maybe I should..." He said, frowning. 

"Stop seeing me?" Castiel asked with a sad smile. Alfie glanced at him. Castiel was understanding, now. Of course, everyone could have turned their back on Lucifer. Alfie and Castiel were friends since the latter moved in the town but with one conversation with Castiel's mom or Ellen or anyone in this town, Alfie's mom changed her mind about Castiel. It seemed easy. Castiel couldn't understand why they were all acting like that. 

"Not exactly... It's more like... I need to make you stop seeing them. It's complicated, you know." Alfie said. Castiel chuckled as he shook his head, weary. He looked down.

"You just have to make me stop believing in what I think is right. I don't see why you find that complicated." Castiel said, a bit sarcastic. And bitter, clearly. He was angry. 

"Because you're my best friend!" Alfie said, trying to keep whispering. Castiel glanced at him and their eyes met. They looked at each other during a moment before Castiel smiled sadly again. 

"But you're not going to follow me on this one, are you?" Castiel asked. 

"I want to." Alfie said. "I really want to but I don't want to have problems..." He whispered. Castiel could barely hear him. "I don't know what to think, Castiel. My mom keep saying that I need to be there for you because... You need people like us around you because you're going through some phase..." He said, trying to find the right words. "I didn't say anything, I just listened, I didn't know what to think, Cas. I don't know anymore. I'm so sure about everything I believe in general and now I... I just feel..."

"Conflicted?" Castiel asked with a little but sad smile. 

"Because of you." Alfie said. Castiel tilted his head, staring at his friend. He wasn't thinking that Alfie was angry at him for the that. And of course, he wasn't thinking that Alfie was thankful for this state of mind either. But he knew that he was just looking for answers. "Because you make me want to believe in them." He said, surprising Castiel. 

"But you don't want them around us..." Castiel said, narrowing his eyes again. Alfie seemed a bit shy, always looking away as he was clearly torn. 

"They're not that bad." Alfie mumbled, looking down. Castiel had a small smirk as he tilted his head, staring at his friend. He ended up laughing quietly as he shook his head. 

"I know, right." He finally said. Alfie had a little smile as he finally glanced at Castiel, looking at his eyes, a bit narrowed because of his smile. 

"You really like them, don't you?" Alfie asked. Castiel bit his lower lip, looking away. Again, he chuckled but this time, it was because he was somehow happy. Because he was thinking about them. Because he was thinking about Lucifer. 

"Yeah... I really do." He whispered. Alfie looked down a second, wondering if he should ask about what was exactly going on. 

"So... I mean, what's going on lately? Do you still talk to them?" Alfie asked. Castiel had refused to talk about it with Alfie since his mother learned about the whole thing but tonight, he was inclined to share some things with Alfie. Like he said, they were best friend. So, he smiled to him and patted the space on the couch next to him. Alfie smiled back and sat down, curious. 

"We text each other. Well, mostly Lucifer and I. I saw Gabriel yesterday." Castiel said as he looked down. 

"It's so weird..." Alfie said. "One day we're just singing at the choir and the next day..." 

"Well, that's what happened with Lucifer. It doesn't seem to be a "phase" though." Castiel said as he looked at the screen of the tv again. Alfie made a face. "I'm sorry Alfie but I'm not giving up on Lucifer." He said. 

"Did you give up on Gabriel?" Alfie asked with a little and shy smile. Castiel smiled back to him as he glanced at his friend. 

"Let's say that I can accept the fact Gabriel doesn't believe anymore. It was his choice." Castiel said. Alfie frowned, not sure that he understood. 

"What do you mean? Wasn't it a choice for Lucifer?" He asked. Castiel took a deep breath as he thought about what he could say. 

"It's complicated." He said. "Gabriel didn't see the point anymore. And at first, he was in the choir more to please his parents than for himself. He liked it but... It wasn't the same as Lucifer. He believed but not for the same reasons. He didn't need to believe." Castiel whispered before he pursed his lips, looking down again. He didn't notice he was sounding dramatic suddenly, even more serious than before. Alfie wanted to ask other things too but at the same time, he felt like interrupting Castiel would make him stop talking to him. After a little moment of silence, he finally chose to ask. 

"Then, what about Lucifer?" He asked. Again, Castiel could barely hear him but this time, it was because Alfie didn't want to disturb him, not because he was somehow ashamed of his words.

"Lucifer... He was... He felt betrayed, abandonned by God." Castiel said. "He needed to keep believing, because if he didn't have his faith, he had nothing left. He didn't have a father, he didn't have a mom anymore... He didn't have Zachariah anymore, he actually never had him, really... He was alone and he felt like everything he always believed in was... A big and barefaced lie." He whispered, staring at the wall behind Alfie. 

As for Alfie, he was staring at his bestfriend, questions coming in his mind. Castiel seemed to know so much about the situation now, even about that thing with Zachariah. Alfie wanted to know so bad. 

"Did he tell you about... His lies?" Alfie asked. This time, Castiel met his eyes. He stayed silent during a moment before he looked away again, feeling his cheeks becoming warmer. His heart was beating faster too. But those sensations weren't because of the same reasons he had them when he was around Lucifer. This time, he was... Afraid? Probably. And maybe he realized that he had to face the truth. And he knew were the truth was. 

"He never lied, Alfie." Castiel whispered, feeling his throat hurt a bit as his eyes stared to sting. If he was talking out loud, he was pretty sure his voice would have broke. All of the sudden, he was full of emotions he didn't want in his life. 

Alfie frowned and looked down. If Lucifer never lied, it meant a lot of things. Especially that they were all wrong. 

"What happened with Zachariah, then?" He finally asked. It wasn't even just curiosity anymore. He didn't want to think they would have blamed Lucifer for something he never did. 

"I can't tell you..." Castiel said. He wasn't looking at Alfie anymore. 

"What? Why?" Alfie asked. He thought Castiel would always tell him anything. But maybe it was too big for Alfie. 

"Because I don't want you to be hurt." Castiel whispered. "Because... I'm hurt... And because everyone will be hurt if the truth is finally said... Sometimes, I wish I didn't know the truth. So don't want you to know it." He said. He was about to cry. 

"Cas..." Alfie whispered. It seemed like his friend was about to fall apart. 

"I want to tell you, Alfie. I want to tell you so bad." Castiel said. He was still looking away but Alfie could see the tears running down his cheeks. "I can't talk about it with anyone. It hurts me and it hurts him. I feel like crying all the time and-" He said before he was interrupted by a sob. Alfie moved a bit closer to his friend, slowly putting a hand on his arm to press it between his fingers. 

"Cas, it's okay, you're not alone..." Alfie said. He didn't like to see his friend like that, he seemed totally overtaken by events. 

"I feel like I am... I can't even talk about it with Lucifer, he's... He's destroyed..." Castiel said before he closed his eyes, drying his cheeks with his hands. He took a deep breath. "I'm okay... It's fine. I'm not allowed to cry." He said, feeling his chin shaking. He looked at his friend and tried to give him a convincing smile.

"Cas, of course you can..." Alfie said. Keeping his smile, Castiel shook his head. 

"Nah, I'm not." He said. He seemed a bit more calm now that he cut himself some slack, even if it was for a minute. "Alfie, just... Forget all of this. And don't try to change my mind about him. I'm not giving up on Lucifer." He said, meeting his friend's eyes. Alfie understood that even if Castiel was asking him to forget the conversation, he was glad he had someone to talk to. Castiel knew that Alfie wouldn't go around telling everyone about this. 

"I don't want you to." Alfie said with a shy smile. Castiel stayed silent, staring at his friend. He seemed hesitant. Alfie's smile got bigger. "I'm serious, Cas. I don't want you to give up on him. Only the truth counts." He said. 

"Even if it means that the people we look up to wronged someone? Accused an innocent and made him suffer?" Castiel asked. Alfie looked down for a second before he looked at his friend again, trying to look confident. Clearly, he wasn't, but he wanted to be. He wanted to be a part of this if it could help making things better. He wanted to help his best friend. He couldn't give up on him, they never gave up on each other. 

"I'm with you all the way, Cas. I know you. You're not stupid. I know you can make the right decision. I'm sure you did." Alfie said before he stood up with his book in his hands. Castiel followed him with his eyes. 

Alfie walked towards the hallway but turned around at the last time. 

"Are you in love with Lucifer?" He finally asked, staring at Castiel. This one smiled a little before he shrugged. How could he know if it was love? He tilted his head, still smiling. 

"I like him." He said. Alfie raised his eyebrows. "A lot." 

"Are you guys dating?" Alfie then asked. Castiel chuckled. 

"Yeah. We're dating." He said, meeting Alfie's eyes. They stared at each other for a moment before Alfie laughed a little, turning around to finally leave his best friend's house.


	15. Return

Sitting on the floor, next to the car he was working on, Lucifer was smoking a cigarette, leaning against the wall. It was early in the morning but lately, Lucifer was working a lot. Not because he wanted to impress Bobby in any way, he was actually still ashamed when he was around him because of the day of his arrest. It was just a way to focus on something not connected to Zachariah. The sun was heating the garage up and the jeans on Lucifer's legs, touched by the sun rays, were now warm. He looked at the wrecks, taking a drag as he saw Bobby's old dog walking between the piles. Lucifer smirked and let Rumsfeld walk towards him.

"Hi there buddy..." He whispered as he started petting the dog. He softly smiled, thinking about how Rumsfeld used to run with him and Gabriel. He was following them everywhere when they were at Bobby's. "Good boy..." He said, still smiling before Rumsfeld licked his cheek. Lucifer chuckled and let the dog lay down next to him. He kept his left hand on Rumsfeld's side and let his head rest against the wall. He raised his right arm, glancing at the cigarette between his fingers. He slowly licked his dry lips before he closed his eyes, letting his arm rest on his lap as he sighed.

Lucifer didn't know how long he stayed there before he heard footsteps. He opened his right eye, glancing on his side to see Bobby approaching.

"Taking a break?" Bobby asked. Lucifer opened his other eye and smiled a little, looking in front of him.

"Yeah..." He simply said. He looked at the ashtray that he had put next to him and stubbed out his cigarette in it. Bobby was still staring at him and his dog, his hands on his waist. That morning, Bobby had a phonecall from Gabriel, asking him to keep an eye on his best friend.

Bobby knew Lucifer was depressed. He knew a long time before his arrest. A long time before his mother passed away. He practically raised the boy, he saw him grow up and become the man he was now. He saw the way he changed. The way his smile changed and the way he was seeing everything change. At that time, he didn't do anything because Lucifer wasn't alone. And he knew he probably wasn't the best person to give his opinion, as an alcoholic. Only a few people were trusting Bobby because they knew that despite his problems, he was a kind and honest man and because he was also raising Sam and Dean.

But at that time, should he have believed Lucifer when Rufus arrested him? When he beat up one of the only person who had always been there for him? Should Bobby have believed him? It sounded crazy and Lucifer had so much alcohol in his blood, Bobby didn't know what was going on. Lucifer had always been a troubled kid. Kind, generous and active but troubled. What made Bobby doubt was the fact that Lucifer never had a father. Why would he accuse the one he was looking up to all of a sudden, after all those years? Was it just something he did to protect himself when his mother died? Because God didn't help her like Lucifer wanted Him to? Did he feel so betrayed that he wanted to blame the man telling God's words every Sunday because he couldn't do anything to God himself?

Or was it the truth?

Every time Bobby was asking himself that, he was feeling a weird pressure on his stomach. Lucifer had been through so much that he'd rather think the boy lied that day.

Could Bobby believe that a man he grew up with would to something like that to a kid? Could anyone believe that?

Was it to late to fix the situation? Bobby never blamed Lucifer for his behavior when he was arrested. Bobby had acted like a fool sometimes, because of alcohol. He had been violent. He knew how it was. But Lucifer didn't come back to his place. He didn't talk to him about that, he ran away. Bobby knew that it wasn't because Lucifer was angry at him. He always knew that, he always loved the boy and it would never change. But he would have like seeing him come back to him.

He would have love seeing him come back _home_.

Bobby already fantasized about having Lucifer living with him, as his third son. He was getting along with Sam and Dean, it would have been nice.

"How are you doing lately?" Bobby asked, still looking at him. Lucifer glanced at the old man and gave him a shy smile.

"Good." He said, nodding a bit like he was trying to convince himself. Bobby narrowed his eyes, staring at Lucifer's smile. He then looked away. He stared at the wrecks, remembering Lucifer and Gabriel running with Rumsfeld when they weren't taller than a car. Laughing and playing, oblivious.

"If you want to come up with a better answer someday, I'll still be here." Bobby said, still looking at the cars. Lucifer turned his head to look at the man, his fingers slowly moving against Rumsfeld's side. He waited during a few seconds, then, Bobby looked at him again and their eyes met. Lucifer smiled again.

"I know." He said before he looked down, slowly losing he smile. Yes, he knew. But could he talk to him about whatever he wanted to? After everything that happened, it just seemed really weird. He used to consider this place like his second home but lately, he didn't feel like he was belonging anywhere. Lucifer bit his lower lip, wondering if he should try to fix things. Knowing that Zachariah was on his way and that he had to find a way to escape him, he didn't know if it was wise.

Bobby could see Lucifer's hesitation. Maybe he just needed some help. Maybe Bobby had to make the first step because even if what he said had been hard to believe, even if his behavior was now incredibly different from before, Lucifer might have felt betrayed that no one believed him. It didn't matter if he lied. He would have been totally alone in this if he didn't have Gabriel. So, Bobby approached the boy, slowly sitting next to him with a sigh. Lucifer glanced at him while he was sitting before he tried to focus on the dog instead. He couldn't totally face Bobby, he wasn't comfortable with that.

Yes, he felt betrayed, but didn't Bobby feel that way too? Without saying anything else, Lucifer stopped calling, stopped coming and isolated himself. In a way, they both felt bad. Bobby didn't deserve that, he had always been good to Lucifer.

"I heard that you have some new friends..." Bobby said, turning his head to look at Lucifer. This one closed his eyes, keeping his sigh for himself. The word got around fast, apparently. Lucifer could only blame himself. He knew he had to stop seeing Castiel. And they weren't even discreet. But he shouldn't have kissed him. He shouldn't have asked him on a date. He had been selfish. At least, that's what Lucifer was thinking. He wanted to hit himself for being that stupid. But he just shrugged.

"Well, I had..." He said. Was Alfie even his friend? Lucifer knew that Alfie was way more reluctant to this idea than Castiel. But they spent time together with the others. But Alfie probably wasn't seeing Lucifer as a friend. He probably just wanted to protect Castiel, understandably.

Bobby knew that he probably wasn't seeing them anymore, especially Castiel who was the center of the attention lately. Lucifer glanced at Bobby.

"You know, I'd understand if you-"

"You're not going anywhere, son." Bobby said, meeting Lucifer's eyes. He gave him a small smile and Lucifer felt his eyes becoming itchy. So he looked away, embarassed. They stayed silent for a minute before Lucifer talked, watching Rumsfeld getting up.

"What are they saying, exactly?" He asked Bobby. This one smiled a little, still staring at Lucifer. He knew that tone. He was trying to sound like he wasn't curious, like he wasn't too concerned about what was going on.

"Well... They're mostly talking about Castiel, you know. They're saying he's going through that awkward teenage phase." Bobby said, hearing Lucifer chuckled. Bobby looked down. "I don't think they believe that themselves. Castiel has always been a good boy." He said, Lucifer nodding. "So... Maybe you want to tell me what's going on instead?" Bobby asked. Lucifer shrugged, smiling as he watched Rumsfeld walking away.

"He just... He thinks I'm gonna come back there, you know. He's just too good with people." Lucifer said. Bobby raised his eyebrows during a second.

"Yeah but it if was only that, he wouldn't stand up to his mother." Bobby said. Lucifer turned his head to look at Bobby. He knew they had a fight but didn't Castiel apologized? "He stands his ground. She doesn't know what to do anymore. He never acted like that and she's scared he will leave like you and Gabriel did." He said. Lucifer pursed his lips, looking down.

"It's my fault..." He whispered before he sighed. Bobby frowned, tilting his head.

"Did you ask him to leave the church?" He asked. Lucifer slowly shook his head. "I don't see how it would be your fault, then." Bobby said. Lucifer met his eyes again.

"I hanged out with him... Like... In public places and I kept seeing him and-"

"Do you even listen to yourself, boy?" Bobby asked as he stood up. Lucifer frowned, raising his head to look at Bobby.

"What?" He asked.

"No, you know what? You're right. How even did you dare hanging out with him in public places? Aren't you ashamed of yourself for doing what you can do?" Bobby asked, more sarcastic than ever. Lucifer didn't answer anything, he looked like he wasn't understanding. "You don't have to blame yourself for everything that's going on around you Lucifer. You don't have to blame yourself if someone fall down, if someone gets scold, if something happens. Don't you get it, Lucifer?" He asked. He seemed a bit angry and Lucifer looked down again. Bobby didn't like to see him like that. It wasn't the boy he used to know. The way he was acting with others, it was all an act and Bobby already knew that but here...

It was who Lucifer had become. He wasn't full of joy anymore, he wasn't confident and smiling as he used to do even during hard times.

"Look at me, Lucifer." Bobby said. Lucifer slowly looked up, gritting his teeth. "Castiel has hopes for you."

"I'm gonna end up disappointing him." Lucifer said. He sounded calm, like he was resigned. Like he didn't have to fight anymore. "I'm gonna ruin his life."

"No you won't. I won't let you do that. He has faith in you, so does Gabriel and so do I." Bobby said before he turned around to walk away. "Come on, it's time to work."

Lucifer looked at Bobby before he quickly stood up.

"Wait, Bobby." He said. Bobby turned around to look at Lucifer again.

"What is it?" He asked, meeting Lucifer's eyes. This one stared at Bobby for a few seconds before he looked away. Bobby understood and smirked. It meant that he was sorry, that he was thankful. That he wouldn't act this way again towards Bobby. He could understand Lucifer, he kinda raised him. Lucifer cleared is throat. "What's the deal with this car?" He asked, pointing at a car in the garage with his chin.

"It's there since a few years, it was abandonned." He said, glancing at the car covered by a sheet.

"Can I work on it?" Lucifer asked, looking at the car. Bobby raised one eyebrow.

"Yeah, sure." He finally said as he shrugged.

Bobby walked away as Lucifer approached the car, taking the sheet between his fingers to remove it from the vehicle.

☼

When his mother knocked on his door, Castiel pulled his blanket to cover himself even more, hiding his head under it.

"Castiel, are you ready to go?" She asked. Castiel sighed and when he heard the door being opened, he removed his blanket. He tried not to sigh again, thinking there was no way his body was hot enough for her to believe he was sick. "What are you doing?"

She suddenly asked, walking faster towards his bed. She was ready to go to church but Castiel was still in his pakamas, he didn't want to go.

"I don't feel really good, mom. I think I'm sick..." He said, sounding weak and tired. Tired he was, he didn't sleep. But even if he sounded pretty convincing, he was sure his mother wouldn't believe him. She would think he was influenced by Lucifer and that he was trying to see him while she was at the church. His mom sat next to him and touched his forehead.

"You don't seem to have any fever." She said, caressing his cheek.

"It's my stomach..." Castiel said, still hoping she would let him stay.

"Sweetie, it's an important day..." She said. Usually, he was ready way before she was. It was weird, he didn't look sick. She didn't want him to stay, especially today. Her son didn't know, she wasn't even supposed to know, it was a big surprise and she was sure he would end up being really mad when he would learn that he missed it later that day.

"It's just another Sunday..." Castiel mumbled, trying to pull his cover again. His mother smiled.

"No, there's a big event today, you really need to come with me." She said, thinking he would feel directly better. Instead, his stomach started to hurt for real. Suddenly, he had cramps and he closed his eyes. Did his mother knew about something he didn't know? Did she knew Zachariah would come back precisely that morning? "Look... I know that it hasn't been easy for you, lately..." She said, her fingers going through Castiel's hair. He glanced at her, not only he looked tired but he seemed really sad. She tilted her head and tried to smile in a comforting way. "I know you're still mad at me, even if you act like nothing was going on..."

"It's not about the fight." He said, moving to be on his back. He stared at his ceiling. He actually wanted to roll on the side because he didn't want to look at her right now. Of course he was still mad.

"Listen to me. I know you believe in everyone. You always see the good in people. But one day, even if it comes later, you'll realize that you are not always right and that I only do that for your own good." He wanted to cry, as usual lately.

"It's okay, I know I'm not always right, I don't have any of those illusions anymore." He said, talking about Zachariah. The image he had of the priest had been destroyed. That's when he realized what it was and what it had always been. Illusions. Lies. He couldn't deal with that fact. He couldn't deal with his own blindness. With others' way of talking about him now that he was hanging out with Lucifer. He couldn't deal with the way Lucifer had been treated. He just wanted to be in his arms right now because everything seemed to be easier when he was around. He wanted to get up and run away, just for a few days.

Instead, he got up and got dressed. He didn't eat and he went in the car. He stayed silent during the ride and he sang with his friends. He wasn't smiling, he was just singing. Then, he sat next to his mother and he listened. He listened to Gadreel's words. Like he always did, he listened to what people were saying and he wasn't doing anything. He used to believe everything and now, every words sounded wrong coming from their mouths. Coming from the ones who should know better than anyone else they had to listen, that they had to trust and that they had to love. Still, it seemed so easy for them to act differently when things started to get out of their hands, when it didn't turn out the way it should have.

So why would Castiel keep listening without acting? Why weren't his legs moving? Why wasn't he screaming all the words running through his brain. It was a storm in there, he knew what he wanted to say, to shout, be he couldn't open his mouth and form the words. He was paralyzed. He wasn't even listening anymore at that point, he was hearing but he couldn't understand what people were saying. His head was spinning when people got up, clapping and making all that noise. He barely glanced at his mother when she put a hand on his shoulder, he just mechanically stood up. He was even taller than she was, he could clearly see an man walking towards Gadreel. He was praised and loved. Castiel swallowed his spit as he stared at Zachariah. He was smiling and he was talking but Castiel couldn't hear anymore. He felt tears on his cheeks. He was crying silently and his mom looked at him, thinking it was because of his joy. That he had been so taken aback when Gadreel announced that Zachariah was there that he couldn't even get up at first. She knew how much Castiel loved Zachariah. She smiled at him and her fingers went around his arm, pressing it softly. Castiel felt his chin shaking.

Another day, he would have wept with joy, he would have run towards the man to hug him and thank him for coming back. But nothing was the same anymore. He was hoping Lucifer was lying, at that point. He actually tried to persuade himself it was all a lie when he left Lucifer's place. He told himself it was, he tried to share his mom's opinion but he couldn't and he kept texting Lucifer, he kept crying late at night and he kept obsessing over the things he had learned. His mother voice reached his ears.

"Come on, let's go see him."

He took a deep breath and look at his mom who was still smiling at him, her eyes being filled with tears too. She thought her son was so happy that she was about to cry herself. People were moving around them, going to Zachariah to tell him how glad they were to see him again. But even with the brouhaha around him, Castiel could hear himself answer, finally opening his mouth.

"I... I think I'm going to throw up."

"What?" His mother asked, suddenly concerned.

 

Castiel never thought it would go as far as having this visceral reaction but it did. And now, he was sitting on a chair in the back of the church, pale and his hands couldn't stop shaking, he almost dropped his phone a few times after he read Lucifer's text, telling him that if he could, he'd like to see him that evening. Also, he couldn't help but be glad that him throwing up made this whole farce way shorter than it should have been.

He didn't even notice that Gadreel never left the room after he gave him water and finally managed to have Alfie, Chuck, and Castiel's mom out of the room to give him some space.

The priest watched him read his text, he watched him smiling for the first time that day, he saw him answer but then, again, Castiel looked just awful. Gadreel heard someone knocking on the door and thought it was his mom once again. Gadreel wanted some time alone with the boy, knowing what he had been through lately, what he had to pull up with at home and at school since everyone was talking about him and Lucifer. He hears some people asking him if he was okay, like Lucifer might have hurt him in some ways. And that day, he saw him sitting between all those people and he didn't seem pleased to be there, he didn't look like he was enjoying God's words the way he was usually doing. And he was pretty sure there was something connected with Zachariah's presence, and maybe that it was because of Lucifer.

Or maybe he was just sick. In a way, Gadreel was hoping it was the only reason.

Castiel didn't move and Gadreel went to the door, opening it to see Zachariah. He smiled at the man and moved to let him in. Zachariah was smiling as he looked at Gadreel.

"I wanted to come sooner to see him." He said, Gadreel understanding that Zachariah finally had some time to come there to see Castiel now that people had talked to him for a while. Gadreel looked at him as he walked towards Castiel to crouch in front of his seat. He put one of his hand on Castiel's shoulder and smiled at him. "Felling better, son?"

Gadreel glanced at Castiel. Finally, this one looked at Zachariah. He wasn't smiling at all, he was even paler than before. But his hands weren't shaking anymore. His grip on his phone was so tight that his skin was white. Castiel shook his head very slowly before he looked down. He couldn't stand looking at the man. He stomach was hurting again now that Zachariah's fingers were on his shoulder. He wanted to puch him away but he couldn't. He didn't really care anymore about his image at that point, he was just too weak. And thinking that he was just by looking at him... He couldn't even imagine what was going on in Lucifer's head when he was just thinking about the man.

Speaking of Lucifer, did he even know he was there already? Did he saw him? Castiel didn't think so, if Lucifer knew the priest was in town, he was probably avoiding him. And maybe that's why he wanted to see Castiel that night?

Maybe he wanted to talk to him about that, maybe he wanted to come clean and tell him it was all a lie? Maybe... Castiel swallowed his spit, gritting his teeth. Zachariah chuckled and tilted his head.

"I leave during what... Two years and look at you, all grown up." He said. Zachariah was right, Castiel changed a lot since the last time he saw Zachariah. Not only physically but mentally. He didn't say anything though. "And I saw your mother, she told me that you were drifting away, lately. I hope you will come and talk to me if anything is bothering you. Like before." He said. Gadreel crossed his arms, staring at Zachariah.

"I don't need to talk, I'm not drifting away." Castiel finally said, looking at the man again. He met his eyes and they exchange a look for a few seconds before Castiel looked away, seeing Gadreel. This one was mpplong at them and seemed to have a sever look on his face, which was changing from the way he was smiling some time earlier. Castiel wondered what the priest knew about Zachariah. Zachariah had looked down for a second before he looked at Castiel again. He had a sad expression on his face, even if Castiel couldn't see it since he was refusing to look at him again.

"Is it because of Lucifer?" Zachariah asked. Again, Castiel gritted his teeth, his heart skipping a beat. Gadreel didn't miss that, he saw how tense Castiel was and he was now sure he knew about what happened before Zachariah left. Lucifer probably told him.  
Castiel wanted to tell the priest that he shouldn't say that name, that he should shut up and get away from him but he didn't do anything.

"How is he doing?" Zachariah asked. That's when it hit Castiel. He slowly turned his head to look at Zachariah, realizing.

He didn't want to see Castiel so bad because they used to be closed and that he missed him. He wanted to see him because Castiel's mom told him about her son and Lucifer. Zachariah knew they spent time together. And Castiel understood. He was just obsessed. Zachariah was obsessed with Lucifer and the only way he had to get a hold of him at that point was to ask Castiel about him. He probably couldn't help it, he didn't waste his time talking, he directly found a way to mention him. It was disgusting and Castiel thought he was about to throw up again, on Zachariah's shoes.

" _Better_." Castiel said without unclenching his teeth. And Zachariah also realized something but he didn't let Castiel and Gadreel see anything. Zachariah knew that Castiel knew. He smiled and tilted a bit his head.

"Good." He said before he got up. "If you are feeling better, I would love you to join us."

And then, he left, not even looking at Gadreel who followed the man with his eyes as he walked past him. He seemed to be in a hurry to get back to the people outside of this room. When Gadreel glanced at Castiel again, he could see the boy was about to cry again. His chin was shaking and he dropped his phone before he hid his head in his hands. Gadreel walked towards him, bending down as he put his hands on Castiel's shoulder.

"Castiel, look at me." He wanted his attention, he had things to ask him and things to tell him. Castiel sobbed loudly before he removed his fingers from his face, trying to wipe his tears. But they kept on coming, his chin kept shaking and he sobbed again. 'What do you know? You need to tell me." Gadreel sounded very serious, he needed an answer now. Castiel frowned, not because he wasn't able to stop his tears but because of Gadreel's words.

"Wh-Do you... Know?" He asked, his voice trembling. Was Gadreel aware of Zachariah's actions? Of course, Castiel knew that he knew what happened, that he knew Lucifer's accusation, but did he knew that Zachariah was actually guilty?

"I..." Gadreel began, looking away. He bit his lower lip from the inside of his mouth before he glanced at Castiel again, meeting his eyes. "I have... Doubts. Like you had lately." Castiel frowned even more and stood up, removing Gadreel's hands from his shoulders. Gadreel straightened up, looking at the boy. "Cas-"

"It has nothing to do with my questions!" Castiel said, loudly. Gadreel glanced at the door and Castiel could see his jaw clenching. "It has nothing to do with my faith!"

"That is not what I mean, Castiel!" Gadreel said, raising his tone. Castiel had never saw him get angry or at least speak this way and he was taken aback, realizing the way he was yelling at his friend. Castiel took a step back when Gadreel tried to approach and looked away. "Listen to me. I found myself believing in this man. He taught me everything I know. I have now questions about the things I believed in, that is what I mean. Of course it has nothing to do with your faith." He explained, trying to keep it down.

Castiel looked at his own feet. He wanted to run away but this time, he didn't move when Gadreel approached.

"I had a phone call and I learned that... He's being watched... He is... Look, a lot of the priests I know are talking about it, in different towns. There are rumors and Lucifer's name is starting to come up. There's an investigation but no one can know about it... I... Found myself not knowing what to believe because it would mean that we-"

"That you were wrong. All of you." Castiel said, looking at Gadreel again. "That you let him get away with all he ever did to him, that you made Lucifer even more miserable and now..." Castiel bit his lip, slowly shaking his head before he laughed bitterly. "It's getting out of hands so you just... You're on our side? Is that it?" Castiel asked, clearly mad at not only Zachariah but at everyone in this church.

"You know that if I had known for one second, I-"

"You knew!" Castiel shouted, angrily. "Lucifer told you, you knew and you ignored it! You believed-"

They heard knocking on the door and they both turned their heads to look at it. Michael opened the door, looking at the two men. They remembered that they weren't alone, they could hear a lot of people talking outside of the room.

"Um... Some people would like to talk to you." Michael said, looking at Gadreel. There was so much noise outside that no one notice the animated conversation but Michael could swear he heard them arguing when he was about to knock.

"I was leaving anyway." Castiel said before he walked quickly towards the door. He looked angry, taking big steps. He walked past Michael to go out.

"Castiel, are you feeling better sweetie?" His mother asked when she saw him approaching with a stern expression on his face. He ignored her, she was talking with the great Zachariah anyway, why would he bother? He didn't want to see his face or he was going to cry again. He was too angry to let it happen again, he didn't need to feel even weaker. He knew he couldn't change anything anyway, that he wasn't able to act like he wanted to. A few people were now staring because of the way Castiel was walking between them to go towards the door.

"Son, are you okay?" Zachariah asked, putting a hand on his shoulder when he walked past them. Finally, when he felt his hand, Castiel turned around removed Zachariah's hand from his shoulder, pushing it away.

"You don't touch me!" He shouted, full of anger. Zachariah stayed silent and Castiel swallowed, looking at the people who were now all looking at them. Gadreel, who stopped next to Michael, was staring at him, slowly shaking his head to ask him to stop.

Castiel knew he was right. He knew that when he would calm down, he would realize why Gadreel wanted to keep it quiet. Probably because he didn't want Zachariah to run away again.

He glanced at his mother, who wasn't able to move because of the surprise. She had a hand on her mouth, shocked by her son's behavior. She was persuaded that it was too late for him now, she should have known way sooner about Lucifer. Now, he was lost. And finally, Castiel met Zachariah's eyes again.

"You have no right..." He almost whispered before he turned around to leave the church.

 

Castiel started to walk, thinking maybe staying outside would help him calm down. But he ended up running, thinking that at least, he would reach Bobby's house faster.

"Castiel, what are you doing here?" Bobby asked after Rumsfeld caught his attention because he was barking, happy to see the boy. "Aren't you at the church?" It wasn't even midday yet.

"I need to see Lucifer." He said. It was Sunday but Castiel knew he was there. Lucifer had answered back, his text saying that since he was at Bobby's that day, he would see him at the lake, near the place, that evening. Castiel didn't know if he was just working more to make more money, or just to keep his mind off of the events, all he knew was that he needed to see him right now.

"He's in the back." Bobby said, pointing the house with his thumb over his shoulder. Castiel didn't answer, he walked fast to go round the house. He walked next the wrecks and finally saw Lucifer who was working on a car, a big sheet on the floor next to it. Hearing quick footspets behind, Lucifer turned his head and saw Castiel. He frowned, a bit surprised as he turned around. Still, he was really happy to see him, even though Castiel didn't look very pleased.

He was even more surprised when Castiel just threw himself into his arms. Lucifer didn't even have the time to say anything, he could just feel his body shaking. He frowned and passed his arms around the boy. He realized how much he missed him. He could feel Castiel's grip on his shirt and he heard a sob.

"What's going on?" Lucifer finally asked, his fringers going through Castiel's hair as he closed his eyes, wanting to comfort the boy.


End file.
